<p>My D kept saying, “You and Dad hate BF.” I couldn’t convince her that we didn’t. She started “going out” with BF less than 3 weeks after breaking up from a year+ relationship. It was 2 weeks into a new school year, she had a heavy academic load, had just started a new sport… we just wanted her to take a little time on her own, spend time with her girlfriends, get to know HERSELF before getting all wrapped up in another boy and another relationship. It wasn’t that we didn’t like BF - we would have liked him a lot better 2 or 3 months later.</p>
<p>Limo, “I just had some misgivings about them as a couple due to unresolved issues.” What a great way to phrase it.</p>
<p>Limo- I really believe that teens’ inability to make plans in advance has to do with mental development. We (I) do not see time in terms of the next week (except more and more, due to new responsibilties I have had to force myself to) but in terms of the next hour. I think it is possible to plan in farther advance, but it is not easy and does not come naturally.</p>
<p>Momneedsadvice-This seems like an emotional outburst (lol, obviously very frequent with teenage girls). It is simpler to write off your reluctance in regards to the unresolved as “They just hate him!” rather than taking the time and risk of considering that you may be right.</p>
<p>corranged - I’m glad it’s never happened to you and that you don’t hear kids saying things like that - but I hear my D’s friends saying stuff like that all the time. It really doesn’t make much sense to me, and I’m sure it’s not true about their parents hating their friends, but for whatever reason, the kids do say that. As far as I know, none of my friends hate their kids’ friends - we all seem to have nice kids with nice friends.</p>
<p>Momneedsadvice - I’m glad you understood what I meant - my daughter thought that meant I hated her bf and she told him that I hate him - no wonder I only see him in passing these days. </p>
<p>Danielle - I’m sorry, but I don’t exactly agree with you about why teenagers don’t make plans. I’m pretty sure my friends and I made plans (at least a night in advance, most times) when we were teenagers. I think Ninja was correct when he brought up the use of cell phones - it’s just so easy for everyone to be in touch now, that I guess plans are just not as necessary. Times have changed, I guess. And don’t worry, you will get used to making plans - it really does make things easier.</p>
<p>HSisOverated - Are you serious? It depends on whether the person you kiss has a disease that is communicable through kissing (mono, for example). If not, no.</p>
<p>Danielle, I understand. The not making plans thing doesn’t bother me as much as it used to as I am rarely the one who has to drive D around these days - but it used to make me crazy.</p>
<p>I think the not making plans things is one of the biggest faults of my kids. </p>
<p>Actually, not so much my daughter as my daughters friends not committing to plans and the older they get the more consequences there are. My daughter couldn’t get a friend to confirm that she would drive her home from their winter break last year so we made flight plans for her return. A week before they were to go back, friend called and said she really needed her to ride back with her. That was fine with us but we had paid for a full plane ticket, friends parents ended up paying us for the return leg.</p>
<p>Fast forward to this winter - daughter is overseas in China and has friends in S. Korea and Thailand. In october all girls decide to meet in Thailand for Christmas. My daughter gets her ticket, friends wait and now they can’t get a flight. Thank goodness friend in Thailand is in place.</p>
<p>Son down in Virginia has a car and is supposed to be looking for a rider to go back to PA with him. He waited until about a week before thanksgiving to look for a rider and is suprised that everyone has already made arrangments. </p>
<p>kathiep - You are making me nervous! Like your daughter, mine is willing to make plans, but her friends are not so good about committing. As I said earlier, it doesn’t bother me as much now, as I am not the one who has to drive her most of the time. But my daughter is still only a high school sophomore - I hadn’t even thought about those types of consequences for older kids/young adults! Kids reading this thread - PLEASE LEARN HOW TO MAKE PLANS!</p>
<p>haha, I totally understand. I am quite last minute. I planned to go get coffee with my friend about 30 before the meeting time… yet did not take into account that we would take 2 and a half hours at the coffee shop. So, ny parents left without me for a christmas music concert… haha, I didnt really want to go anyway.</p>
<p>I have driven my mom crazy many times with my lastminuteness. How do I know what Im doing during the weekend on thurssday?</p>
<p>I think it’s more of a HS vs. College thing. If you start dating in HS - one is senior, other a junior then it’s okay to continue. But if you are in college it seems kind of creepy to start dating someone in High School. Exceptions for people that have known each other for awhile, maybe were friends for a long time. But the idea that a college student would even be attracted to a 16 year old is off putting to me.</p>
<p>Back to the plan making - how do you know what you’ll be doing in the future? duh! you plan on it! :)</p>
<p>I agree with Kathiep. I’ll also add the standby rule of half+7. By this rule the youngest an 18 year old can go is 16 (18/2 + 7), while the youngest a 30 year old could go is 22. It’s a pretty nice guide, I think, as long as at younger ages you factor in differences in maturity and level in school.</p>
<p>I plan ahead if I need to. If I don’t, I may do things last minute. It depends on the situation.</p>
<p>We had a rule in our house when our older daughter was home - she had to stay home one night to babysit her younger sister every weekend. By Thu we had to decide which night she was staying home. Whoever called out first got the first dip. Earlier her friends could decide, better we could work around her schedule.</p>
<p>Here is my question - why are parents asking Danielle questions and not asking their own kids? Go to your kids room, ask them to get off Facebook/video games and have a chat with you.</p>
<p>Um, I feel the need to add onto my previous answer. I’ve broken or met the half+7 rule twice with no ill effects, the first time with an age difference of 14 and 18 and the second time with an age difference of 19 and 25. Both of these worked out OK because of a variety of factors specific to the situation, and neither case was a serious relationship (the first was a ‘sort of but not really’ relationship; the second was a hook up, using the more liberal definition). The rules aren’t hard and fast. You have to evaluate situations based on the particular circumstance and people involved. I felt a little guilty reading my last post where I told you rules that I don’t always follow (both in terms of school level and ages); they are a great guide, but they are only a guide. Legal definitions of consent are a little more clear though, so you probably want to follow those. </p>
<p>I would not answer many of these questions honestly or completely with my parents, and I know my parents would not feel comfortable asking me some of them.</p>
<p>Corranged, my best friend suggested that to me. It is brilliant. I wish I knew where it came from.</p>
<p>Katie, I have no idea what I want to do in the future… I just know what is expected of me.</p>
<p>Haha, oldfort splendid idea… Yet, commication issues prohibit some us us to speck to candidly ask ask such questions of our familiy, that we may ask here.</p>
<p>For example, I could not ask my parents “How old is too old” without it turning into many many other questions. Also, I can choose to take whosoever’s advice that I wish here, while if I was restrained to the reality of my household I would have to listen and give weight to everyone’s opinion.</p>
<p>For a relationship? And you’re in high school? You’re a senior in high school, I believe, and at 22 he would be a senior in college or out of college.</p>
<p>I’d say no to that one. Way too big a gap on the life stages ruler.</p>
<p>^ Definitely. I can’t imagine being 17 and interested in a 22 year old. I’m 20 and a sophomore… I won’t even consider dating a close friend of mine who recently graduated, is now 23 living in his own apartment, has a “real world” job, a dog, his own car which he personally bought. It’s not even the age difference, it’s that we’re in such different places in life. He seems like such a grown up, while I’m just drinking cheap beer every weekend and learning how to cook things beside grilled cheese sandwiches. How can a high school student (or just graduated high school student) be able to relate to someone out of college on much of a real level?</p>