DH’s mother made him aware of all of her finances a long time ago. I only recently got access to my Dad’s finances after he suffered a debilitating stroke and I was obligated to utilize my POA. In a show of complete trust in me, he had given me the power of attorney effective immediately a couple of years ago and did not make it dependent on any official declaration or finding of incompetence. This made it much easier for me, but this kind of trust could be a disaster if the designated POA is not deserving of such confidence. I’m sure there are plenty of people in the world who would have no problem helping themselves to a parent’s money if given the chance. I would never do anything to hurt my Dad, and I take my responsibility very seriously.
Our kids know that we have a complicated estate and that we have established trusts to be used for their benefit. The trusts will protect them from creditors and divorce, but they know that if they co-mingle their disbursements, those specific disbursements will be considered community property. We had our Ds meet our estate attorney, who explained to them what kind of trusts have been set up (and the trusts will have trustees who control disbursements until they are much older). Our attorney cautioned them strongly against sharing the fact that they will inherit substantial amounts with anyone-at least not before marriage. Both girls acknowledged the wisdom of this and seem relieved to know that they can always say honestly that the way the estate was set up was not ever in their control. D1 did not share any of this with her husband until after they were married. Neither daughter knows our net worth or what accounts we have or where, but they know where to go to find this information should something happen to both of us.