Atheist/Agnostic to start attending church?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Not all Christian churches are alike. Besides the Unitarians, you may want to explore the United Church of Christ (UCC). It was the first denomination to ordain an African American pastor (1785), a woman (1853), and a gay or lesbian person (1972).</p>

<p>I heard an interesting interview today on the radio with a Lutheran pastor (ELCA) who was a former comedian and not what you usually think of when you think of clergy:</p>

<p>[Welcome</a> : Nadia Bolz-Weber](<a href=“http://www.nadiabolzweber.com/]Welcome”>http://www.nadiabolzweber.com/)</p>

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<p>

If you want to go to church, then go to church. If you are not sure of the religion, or are not officially accepted into it, then do not participate in rituals that are reserved for those who are part of that religion. (For example, do not take the Eucharist at at Catholic mass.) </p>

<p>Find a church that works for you. If you are socially liberal, then avoid Baptist, Evangelical, and Catholic congregations. (Yes, there are socially liberal members of every religion, but many of them are more socially conservative by nature and are very explicit about abortion and gay marriage being sins.) </p>

<p>If something in a particular service speaks to you, go back the next week. If you hate a particular church/service/congregation, find a different one. Get involved in youth activities - most congregations have them and are happy to do atheist/agnostic outreach.</p>

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<p>I think it is a good idea. There are a lot of church members including preachers who are atheists but want the community and friendships they’ve developed over the years. Who knows, you may come across the blogger from The Churchgoing Atheist blog whenever he decides to start attending church again.</p>

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<p>I can answer your questions about the UU church:

  • No need to take a bible (I am not sure I have ever seen one inside the church, although occasionally there is a reading from the pulpit of a section when it is relevant to the topic of the sermon).
  • Dress at our UU church is very casual. I usually go in jeans and a sweater, summer is jeans and a short sleeved shirt (usually not one with writing on it). And I usually wear shoes that aren’t tennis shoes. But honestly, no one there would judge if you did wear tennis shoes or shorts.
  • Most churches have a website, you can see when the services are. We happen to have 2 on Sundays. Although in our neck of the woods the UU churches sort of wind down over the summer. There is one service in the summer, and it is often from a visiting pastor or speaker. But the website shows all that.
  • Our church has a welcome desk where you come into the building where you can talk to someone to learn more about the church, etc. They also say something specifically welcoming to visitors at the start of the service, and we have special colored mugs during coffee time after the service for people who have volunteered to talk to new people. There is also a “welcome to the church” session held after the service once a month to help people integrate in.
  • You are definitely not pressured to join the church (“sign the book” at our church) at all. We attended for three years before D1 and I did it. It is pretty low key. I also don’t go all the time, I go when I can and it is no big deal.<br>
  • A program is handed out when you go into the service so you know what is going on (what song in the book they are going to sing, etc).
  • If you went during the day during the week, it is hit and miss whether you would find someone to talk to. You could call ahead and ask. Or just go to a service – they know that sometimes people come just to check it out and are not regular congregation members.
  • Our church has some other events (book readings, documentary viewings, speakers, concerts, sessions on stuff like suicide or social justice, regular Wed. night potlucks) that aren’t on Sunday. More info on the website (but probably best to start with a service just to check it out).
  • Just be sure to turn your cell phone off when you go in. :slight_smile: That is embarrassing when someone’s goes off.</p>
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<p>Denebel, I happen to be married to a clergy, and attended seminary for a while myself, so am pretty familiar with church culture!</p>

<p>Worship services are typically held on Sundays, but many churches have worship services on other days of the week. Most churches have a website (some are even updated occasionally!) that should tell you when services are held and about the particular church.</p>

<p>If you want to meet with the pastor/minister or other church staff, then you should probably call the church office or email the contact email address listed to set up a time. If you drop in and someone is available, they would be happy to meet with you, but I’d hate for you to make a trip and find “no one home.” For example, my spouse works part-time at a church and is also a hospice chaplain, so isn’t always hanging out at the church.</p>

<p>Regarding dress, I think every church probably has its own culture, and also this may vary by age/region. At church today I saw lots of people in jeans. No shorts, but the temperature was in the high teens! Sometimes older churched people may dress more formally. </p>

<p>I wouldn’t worry about bringing a Bible with you. The churches my spouse has served all have had Bibles and hymnals available in the pew. </p>

<p>And believe me, we’ve all made our share of faux pas! I was visiting a church while in seminary, sat down in a pew, and someone came over. “How nice” I thought to myself, “they’re going to welcome me.” No, instead they let me know I was sitting in their spot. I moved, and made a mental note to never make anyone visiting a church feel uncomfortable. Another time I was visiting a very conservative church, and realized after the fact that men and women did not sit together, and I unknowingly had sat on the “wrong” side. But they made me feel very welcome despite my mistake.</p>

<p>The past couple of churches my spouse has served include some mentally ill people in the congregation. Sometimes they behave rather unpredictably. Today a special needs child was making a lot of noise. While a bit distracting at times, I am happy the congregation welcomes everyone.</p>

<p>And as has been mentioned earlier, since congregations are full of people, they aren’t perfect.</p>

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<p>If you ever want to talk to a pastor mid-week, call and make an appointment to be sure your trip isn’t wasted. </p>

<p>Or, upon shaking hands after a service, ask then for an appointment; they usually carry their appointment books or calendar phones vestpocket at services.</p>

<p>Midweek, they move around the community all day - hopsitals, community meetings, funerals and more. They don’t just hang out in their church office. But yu’ll get a different perspective talking to the pastor than, say, the church secretary. Both are valuable perspectives when you’re trying to get familiar with a church, and how it makes you feel.</p>

<p>(cross posted with above post)</p>

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<p>Check out Quakers. They are Universalists, socially liberal, and activists for peace and justice.</p>

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<p>I rather think that the things you seek can be found in a non-religious context - you can be ‘good without God’ as the saying goes. </p>

<p>Humanism is set of beliefs that generally fits with what you say you believe in - a belief in science, a lack of belief in God and being socially liberal, with a belief that this is the one life we have, so we should seek happiness and help others to seek happiness too. It goes furthr than that, but those are some key beliefs. It’s usually best thought of as a subset of atheism / agnoticism. </p>

<p>This is a pretty good summary of what humanism is <a href=“https://humanism.org.uk/humanism/[/url]”>https://humanism.org.uk/humanism/&lt;/a&gt; </p>

<p>As consolation and intparent mentioned about Unitarianism, a lot of people don’t realise they are humanists / hold humanist beliefs. Perhaps it’s a little simplistic, but this is a quick quiz about whether or not you already hold humanist beliefs <a href=“https://humanism.org.uk/humanism/are-you-a-humanist/[/url]”>https://humanism.org.uk/humanism/are-you-a-humanist/&lt;/a&gt; </p>

<p>The above two pages are from the British Humanist Association, but this is its American counterpart [American</a> Humanist Association](<a href=“http://americanhumanist.org/]American”>http://americanhumanist.org/) </p>

<p>You can also find some local humanist groups - they are (in my rather limited experience) nothing like a church, but might still be of interest [Local</a> Group Information](<a href=“http://americanhumanist.org/What_We_Do/Local_Groups]Local”>Find or Start a Local AHA Group - American Humanist Association) and someone else mentioned the Sunday Assembly, which could also be of interest to you. </p>

<p>Given that you don’t mention anything about a particular desire for spirituality or religion itself - more the values and social aspects that you associate with church - I think it’s worth exploring non-religious alternatives too.</p>

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<p>Our Ethical Culture group welcomes everyone. They have a meeting after the platform (what we call services) about once a month for newcomers to learn more. We sing a song, have words to the children who then go off to Sunday school, someone talks on a subject (either a worth cause or worthy theme) then there’s a muscial interlude, discussion and snacks where you can talk to others or the speaker. About half the time we have our leader, and the rest we have invited speakers. Occasionally we have festivals (this week is a pot luck for Thanksgiving, generally preceded by a very lame play by the kids.)</p>

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<p>My personal view: You don’t have to believe in God per se. If you believe in doing good, making the world a better place, you are religious with a framework. Since you are in college you can take a class on religions…go to campus churches. Enjoy your search.</p>

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<p>And no one has mentioned looking into a Jewish temple! If it’s social liberalism you want, there is no better place. The Humanist and Reconstructionist Jews are particularly liberal, especially about their religion, but Reform Jews are liberal as well. Jews “wrestle with God,” so even questioners or non-believers are welcome. Jews also believe in deed over creed. Just try to make the world a better place and you’ll be accepted.</p>

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<p>Well, continue that synagogue visit with visits to mosques and Buddhist temples.</p>

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<p>We have an atheists and agnostics in our Quaker Meeting for decades (my wife being one of them). Most Quaker agnostics are a little bit different than the usual variety, not claiming that God, etc. cannot be known, only that they have no experience of same.</p>

<p>We have just had an attender of 29 years become a member. She says she doesn’t believe in God, but does believe in Quakers.</p>

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<p>" had another question about actually attending… do you only go to church Sunday mornings (or that’s just when the services are)? can you just drop in and speak with someone to get a hand on how to proceed/ on etiquette? would you bring a bible with you when you go? What about dress? about a year ago, I visited another country and went inside a church (more for a tourist experience than actually exploring faith) and was so embarrassed when I was told that what I was wearing (shorts) was not allowed. sorry for all the questions! I am really clueless about this process and don’t want to make a faux pas."</p>

<p>Quakers say, “The service begins when the worship ends.” We have no pastors; we are all ministers. You will do most of your talking with people outside of Meeting. (Our Meetings are “silent”). You can bring a bible, or any other book you like. (But is the spirit of Friends, you wouldn’t have chosen what to read in it in advance.) You can wear what you like; or nothing at all. It was not uncommon for early Quakers to “invade” other churches stark naked. Don’t bring a gun, or alcohol. We don’t sing (a few folks may gather earlier and croak some), though anyone can stand up at any time and sing anything they like (most of the time, no one else will know the words. Quakers “singing” Christmas carols can be incredible funny!) No one will preach, except those who are moved at that moment to do so.</p>

<p>We tend to be socially liberal like Unitarians, and most of us are pacifists (though my Meeting has some military folks in recovery.)
But as a matter of religion, we are very, very different. We are not rationalists like Unitarians, but children of the 17th Century; hence semi-mystical.</p>

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<p>I’ve always thought the Quakers were an interesting group. The Quakers I’ve known are pretty interesting people. It’s not quite the right fit for me, but I wish it were. I think for most services in the northeast, business casual will be a safe way to dress. No need to bring anything.</p>

<p>This is just a general question, but what are reform Jewish regular services like? I’ve only been to Bar Mitvahs and while they’ve been lovely, large parts of the service were in Hebrew.</p>

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<p>I am a pastor in the United Church of Christ. I serve two congregations: one is conservative and pretty rigid in worship style, the other is liberal and laid back.</p>

<p>At the laid back church, people dress however they feel comfortable, so it’s everything from suit and tie to shorts and golf shirts. We ask questions more than state unbendable “answers”, and though we do use affirmations of faith,they vary from ancient creeds to contemporary statements - they are not so much creeds that one has to adhere to as suggestions on how one might look at the Creator and creation. Evolution? As I’ve told my confirmation class, wouldn’t calling chaos into order be pretty much like the big bang theory - I prefer that they think that God created the world, but leave the how up to God. </p>

<p>Our favorite viewpoint is that we take the Bible too seriously to take it literally. And we have a good time exploring the odder Bible stories that many older members have never read, putting ourselves into the character’s situations and asking how we would feel and act, and what we can take away from their experiences.</p>

<p>This morning our one child in attendance got pretty rammy, so we “interupted” the service for an impromptu lesson for a three year old, and that settled him back down after chatting for a bit.</p>

<p>The other church still insists on King James English in the liturgies and reciting the same tired creed every Sunday. Very few visitors return.</p>

<p>So, check out the UCC, but look for websites to get an idea of what to expect.</p>

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<p>@Denebel- I encourage you to read the New Testament New Living Translation of the Bible. The New Testament sets the foundation of how the church was established. You will also see the kindness of Jesus and how it was displayed to and through others at that time. The fact that you are seeing Gods work through others shows that the Lord is calling you for His purpose. You will hear many different opinions from people but always remember to listen for Gods voice He will speak directly to you.
Go by faith not by sight.
Romans 8:28
John 3:16</p>

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<p>^Sometimes the same church will have very different services. The Episcopalian church my brother’s family goes to has a very traditional service in the original gothic style building which first attracted them, but when they had kids they went to a more kid centered service that was in a smaller more intimate room across the street from the main church.</p>

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<p>I kind of get the feeling that the OP is NOT looking for an experience like in post #37 where it’s all about preaching. He/she is looking for the community, not the actual religion (could be wrong).</p>

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<p>@roman- (could be wrong).</p>

<p>yea you could be.</p>