Atheist/Agnostic to start attending church?

Parent Cafe
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<p>If you’re totally unfamiliar with churches and how they work, perhaps the easiest thing to do would be to ask one of your church-going friends if you could accompany him/her to a Sunday service. You’ll feel more comfortable in the unfamiliar environment with a tour guide. And if your friends know that you have an interest in getting involved in organized religion, they may have good ideas about how you could do it.</p>

<p>After that, you could attend some other denominations’ services on your own, just to get an idea of the variety that’s out there. You may find something that’s very meaningful to you and will give you a chance to meet like-minded people.</p>

<p>Since you’re at college, you can probably find other activities related to religion on campus. There may be a central office for all the campus religious organizations, where you could find out about special events, lectures, social activities, community service activities, etc., offered by particular faith groups or the community as a whole. </p>

<p>Eventually, you may find yourself taking steps to actually become a member of a particular faith (if it’s the sort of church that has official memberships). But you don’t have to start out being that formal. Just attending a few services and talking to people who go to church is a good start.</p>

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<p>The problem is that you may go a church for the social life and get involved with an attractive member of your preferred gender. Then it may be hard to find a convenient time to admit that you don’t believe any of the same stuff, religiously.</p>

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<p>I disagree with avoiding Baptists. There are many very liberal Baptist churches. I would prescreen a church of any denomination by looking them up on the Internet. For example, any church listed with the Alliance of Baptists, the Baptist Peace Fellowship of North America, or the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists would be on the liberal side. There are many churches in the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship that would be as well, although not all.</p>

<p>As far as shorts: Some congregations are formal, some are casual, and some have people wearing all types of clothes. In our congregation, the older people tend to dress more formally and the younger people dress more casually. Khakis and a collared shirt should fit in just about anywhere, although if a congregation makes you feel less welcome because of your dress, then you should probably look elsewhere. Campus ministries tend to be very casual.</p>

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<p>mini, I love your description of Quakers, especially this part. Although, if I were going to wear nothing at all, I’d keep my trench coat on until I walked through the door!</p>

<p>OP, people have given you so much good advice. When I put myself in your shoes, I can’t imagine where I’d start.</p>

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<p>It varies. There are some “standard” parts to the service and, depending on the congregation and rabbi, there can be more or less Hebrew. There can also be more or less singing. In the temple we attended when my kids were younger, there was a lot of singing – the cantor was kind of a cool dude, whereas the rabbi, not so much. Hence, we stopped going; we didn’t really “gel” with him. It really depends on the rabbi. One rabbi asked the congregation each week to tell him something good that happened that week – it got everyone talking. Other rabbis are very “This is a service and this is the way it’s done and I’ll be the one in charge, thank you very much.” </p>

<p>mathmom, you should just go to a service once, just for the experience.</p>

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<p>HappyMom, I’d love to. Even though I’m not really religious I really enjoy attending other people’s services. I went to a Yom Kippur service many moons ago with a roommate in college, but it was at the college chapel and I’m not sure how typical it was.</p>

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<p>That is enough of a reason to start going; however, I can see where the thought of going may be overwhelming if church is completely out of your comfort zone. Maybe you can start by watching some sermons online to familiarize yourself with the basic tenets of Christianity. </p>

<p>This sermon is a great introduction as to why people believe (his other sermons are also very good):
[Media</a> Player (MBC Central)](<a href=“http://www.mcleanbible.org/media_player.asp?type=large&messageID=169642]Media”>http://www.mcleanbible.org/media_player.asp?type=large&messageID=169642)</p>

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<p>I also agree that going to church with your friends is a great way to get acclimated. I’m confident that they will be very happy to share their faith with you. A lot of people depend on faith for direction in their lives so I hope that you are able to find the answers that you are looking for.</p>

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<p>Just a word of caution…I’m Catholic, so this is coming from someone who does believe in organized religion.</p>

<p>On or near many college campuses, there are cults. These groups often pressure members to get others to come to services. If you aren’t careful, you’ll find yourself living in a basement room, working 80 hours a week, and turning over the money–if you get any in the first place–to the leadership. We’ve had more than one post over the years from parents of kids who got involved with cults. </p>

<p>So, just be careful. I don’t mean to be alarmist, but it is unfortunately a real problem.</p>

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<p>Oh, my gosh, jonri is right. A few months ago, I posted about the [I’m about to spell this wrong so the cult doesn’t come across this in a Google search] Internationall Churchees of Chrisst (NOT “regular” churchees of Chrisst). Our family IS religious, so we didn’t think anything of it when our son started attending a “Bible study.” They lured him in and it was scary. The cult-like aspects of the group, plus our son’s mental illness, resulted in his hospitalization this last spring. Stay away from this group!! Yes, they operate ON CAMPUSES. They hold their Sunday service ON CAMPUS. The university can’t do anything about it since it’s a public area, but several people have alerted them to the group so the chaplain is keeping an eye on them.</p>

<p>Sometimes this group operates as the AAlpha OOmega (spelled wrong purposely) group on campuses. They also call themselves, “X CChurch of CChrist,” so sometimes you have to dig to find out if it’s the legitimate branch or the cult.</p>

<p>There ARE legitimate campus groups, such as the Navigators, which has been around forever. But it’s pretty conservative, so you probably wouldn’t be interested in them.</p>

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<p>Jonri: spot on. Family friends kid got involved in a cult. They were thrilled because the drug habit was gone. Until a lot of bad stuff began and the kid was arrested.</p>

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<p>Excellent point, jonri. That’s why, IMO, it’s better to go with an “established” church (Friends, UU, etc). Safer that way.</p>

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<p>I thought you might enjoy this statement of liberal Friends’ (Quaker) beliefs from 80 years ago:</p>

<p>[This “letter” was perhaps the most widely-distributed “advancement” effort by Friends General Conference in the first 30 years of its existence. It is remarkably humanist in orientation – barely theistic, in my view. One wonders how well it resonates with Friends today. Its principal author was Jesse H. Holmes, one of the most active & formative of early FGC Quakers ]</p>

<p>TO THE SCIENTIFICALLY MINDED:
[From the FGC Advancement Committee - 1927]</p>

<p>For a large number of people of Christendom, especially for those trained in scientific thinking, the great organized Christian churches are failing to supply the needed religious element. The trend of our time is scientific. It is impossible for a religion which ignores or opposes this tendency to serve the purposes of all who receive modern education.</p>

<p>Most of the churches through their official bodies insist upon the Apostles or the Nicene Creed, the inerrancy of the Bible, the virgin birth of Jesus, and the verity of the miracle stories of the old and new Testament, as essentials of belief. This letter is not addressed to those whoa re satisfied with such pa creed; it is rather for any who have not found religious satisfaction.</p>

<p>This letter calls your attention to the Religious Society of Friends, commonly called Quakers. This society makes no claim to be a church in the sense of assuming authority to settle questions of doctrine or of historic fact. We are a society of friends whose members owe each other friendliness, and claim no authority over one another. We have no formal creed, and such unity as we have and we have a great deal is due to the fact that reasonable minds working on the same materials are likely to arrive, at similar conclusions. However, we demand no unity of opinion and we find both interest and stimulus in our many differences.</p>

<p>Most Friends agree that the Sermon on the Mount presents the highest ideal for a way of life; this we accept not only on authority from without but mainly as conviction from within. We thus unite on a common purpose; a human society organized on a basis of good will and friendliness. There are differences among us as to details and methods, but not as to this desired end. Our objective determines for us the meaning of RIGHT and WRONG. RIGHT is that which serves the common purpose, WRONG is that which hinders or thwarts it.</p>

<p>It is the standard by which we undertake to test the organization of society, international policies, and indeed all human conduct and institutions. Our opposition to war is based on the conviction that war hinders the development of the world family; yet we do not exclude from membership those who do not have that conviction. Many of us feel that our Industrial system is in need of changes, but we have not arrived at unity as to what should be done about it.</p>

<p>We have deferred until this point the use of the word GOD–a word of diverse and uncertain meaning. To us GOD means a unifying influence which makes men long for a brotherly world; which tends to bind men together in unity. Our religion is built on such experience as the chief imperative of life. We have never been very particular about names;we have called this element of life the Seed, the Inner Light, the In-speaking Voice, the Christ Within, the Word. We are willing to have still other names: The power not ourselves that makes for righteousness", The Hidden Dynamo, The Superself, The World-father, all seem to be proper symbolisms. Of course we do not claim to know if God is a person as we are persons. As we look ourselves over it doesn’t seem altogether probable that the power which draws humanity together into the spirit of brotherhood is just a greater person than ourselves. But “It is not a question of personality or something less, but of personality or something greater.”</p>

<p>Whatever God may be and whatever life may mean, we are not insured against loss, suffering, and death. But there is an element of life greater than our normal everyday selves which enables us to rise above loss and suffering and to face life and death without fear and with manly hearts.</p>

<p>The Religious Society of Friends is a group of people of good-will, working together for mutual support in making the God-element of life the commanding element. We never altogether succeed in doing this, but the effort is an essential part of our religion. It is only by squarely facing what is that man may hope to accomplish what may be: wherefore religion as we understand it has nothing to fear from science. Indeed we welcome every extension of mental horizon, every new discovery as to the nature of the world we live in.</p>

<p>We believe there are many who would find a richer life in membership with us, and we know that we need the strength of larger numbers. We need too the fellowship of men and women of intelligence and courage.</p>

<p>We invite correspondence with any of the signers of this letter at Friends’ Advancement Committee, 1515 Cherry Street, Philadelphia, Pa.</p>

<p>JESSE H. HOLMES - [The main author]
Professor of Philosophy
Swarthmore College</p>

<p>ROSCOE POUND
Dean of Harvard Law School</p>

<p>J. RUSSELL SMITH
Professor of Economic Geography
Columbia University</p>

<p>THOMAS A. JENKINS
Professor of the History of the French Language, University of Chicago</p>

<p>ALBERT T. MILLS
Professor of History and Political Science
James Millikin University</p>

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<p>I see no reason why a person with the OP’s stated beliefs and opinions should be encouraged to think of Christianity as the “default” religion. I know that that is a common frame of reference in our society, but why perpetuate it? I would suggest starting with something else. Especially since the basics of Christianity and Judaism to perhaps a lesser extent are so prevalent in the culture that it is almost inevitable that he already knows quite a bit about them. </p>

<p>How about Buddhism?:)</p>

<p>Mini, thanks for posting the letter. Very interesting. Humanists were probably the dominant group in Unitarianism for most of the last 60 years or more, too, although that may be less so now.</p>

<p>OP, I would be very wary of anyone who shows signs of wanting to convert you. Here or elsewhere. It is not necessary to believe in a supreme being in order to be an ethical, moral person and have a sense of the wonder of the universe.</p>

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<p>Perhaps posters assume, as did I, that when the OP said he/she wanted to go “to church,” that meant a Christian or UCC church service, as opposed to other faiths that call their houses of worship or services by other names. Maybe the OP could clarify.</p>

<p>Also, I don’t think the posters here are trying to convert him/her, so much as they are excited about talking about their religious beliefs and/or answering his/her questions. The people I would avoid are those of any or no religion who scoff at other beliefs, discourage questioning, and claim that their particular brand of whatever is the one with a monopoly on “The Truth”.</p>

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<p>Then you’re excluding most religions, including all branches of Christianity: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me” (John 14.6). People who don’t accept this are not, technically, Christian. They may be great, ethical, wonderful people, but they’re not Christian. The big three monotheisms make exclusive truth claims, so it’s not just Christianity. You can’t hedge your bets.</p>

<p>I don’t know what the OP is looking for. If it’s ethical reflection and a sense of community, you don’t have to go to church for that. But church still means religion, at least in the normal sense of the word. Someone may want spiritual food as well as fellowship. It’s not pathological.</p>

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<p>And that’s one of the problems with religion – we can’t all be right.</p>

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<p>Yep-- we can’t. But then, there is no area of human endeavor or knowledge in which we can all be right. At least we are no longer killing each other over over transubstantiation vs. consubstantiation, so progress can be made.</p>

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<p>^^^ Not in this country. But in the Middle East, a lot of their fighting is, at its base, over religion.</p>

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<p>NJSue- Amen!</p>

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<p>People will fight over anything; Leninists vs Trotskyists, monarchists vs republicans, star-bellied vs. plain bellied sneetches etc. etc. Religion is just an arena of human conflict, not a cause. I always smile when I hear evangelical atheists ascribe all human warfare to religion, as if people have never fought over anything else.</p>

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<p>It’s why I try to keep my “beliefs” to an absolute minimum, and my “thinking” at a maximum. And I think I may be wrong about the few beliefs I have.</p>