<p>I would like to hear from other EN moms who don’t have a career to jump back into.How are you mostly moms holding up? What are you doing with all that extra time that you used to carpool,attend soccer games, bake cookies, run errands related to children?For me everything makes me sad- back to school displays,school buses,even Halloween costumes…I’m not crying,I just miss all the kid stuff.I guess I will feel better when I’m subbing more,and I work at the ER in Pediatrics 3 nights a week.It feels weird that this isn’t temporary like summer camp was.It’s FOREVER like my D wrote on the calendar when she left for school’--------------"Gone Forever "Even if she comes back for awhile,it’s different .</p>
<p>fauxmaven,</p>
<p>A wave to you from me, a kindred spirit. I just retired from my teaching job and pushed myself to support sonny through his college application process the past year (even though I have been very burnt out from my old job).</p>
<p>At times I feel really sad, all those years when sonny was at home and I was busy working so I could not fully enjoy him at home. Now he is gone. I was crying the month before college started, thinking home will never be the same without sonny, who has been an integral part of our threesome. You know what, it is not the same. When I called or emailed sonny too much, I felt his hurrying to end the contact. 
He said he was super busy with inadequate time to sleep. He is comfortable with longer phone chats once a week during the w/e. </p>
<p>However, I miss not talking spontaneously with him when things come up. CC is my main preoccupation until I can more fully recover in my physical energy level. It is nice to read about others’ experiences and suggestions. I just wish at times it could be a physical community.</p>
<p>I wish you well as you adjust to your daughter’s departure to college. Though I wonder why she wrote “gone forever” in the calendar. That seems hurtful?</p>
<p>My son tried to comfort me and said, “Mom, think of my going away as extended camp.”
I allowed that to make me feel better for awhile. But I know from my experience that this is the first step to sonny’s adult transition to his own life. I just hope he remembers and keeps us (the parents) in mind even as he pursues his own life.</p>
<p>evolving-I agree .Our kids just don’t get it about how we feel.I stayed home mostly all those years which makes it tough for me that I put all the eggs in one basket,and that basket is gone.We’re talking 25 years at home!I really enjoyed it but now is the hard part.I agree that CC is wonderful!</p>
<p>I know adolescence/ early adulthood can be a time of self-preoccupation. That is why they may not have as much empathy to what we are going through.</p>
<p>It helps to read about other parents’ experiences. You are right, as I started feeling autumn in the air, seeing the school buses drive by our house, going shopping for fewer people (and passing by sonny’s favorite foods), I have this sadness in my heart. I kept myself busy packing some winter clothes for sonny and also shopping for better shoes/ boots for him to use in NYC. (It made me so happy when sonny raved about the comfort of his new good quality Clark shoes, “like walking on clouds.”)</p>
<p>It really is understandable for us to feel a sense of loss when a job we have held 24/7 has been downshifted to very part-time. I know our children may still need us for things and advice, but the contacts are not the same!</p>
<p>Just because I burst into tears randomly when watching television commercials does not, not, not mean that I’m at all affected by the fact that my children have abandoned their family of origin. Of course it doesn’t.</p>
<p>No Stradmom, that’s not what it means. Seriously, just because I started crying just reading 5 posts and my D is a college Junior does not mean that I am sad and alone, not at all. I lie to myself quite well BTW. In fact, I am going to change my location to “Denial.”</p>
<p>Just reading the beginning of your post reminds of the early days with my D. Again, it was the stay-at-home mom’s always think the working mom’s were not of the same cloth and were without maternal feelings. Yes, I have a career and many, even I, thought the EN would not have much of an impact. While you did not ask for the working mom’s to chime in, I would like to tell you that it is an adjustment for the career moms as well. My days, as are many career moms, are filled with transporting and caring for their children. I only have one child so her leaving for college made my husband and I immediate EN.</p>
<p>There haven’t been tears (I am typically not a crier) but there is an unusual sense of loss and a void. I am so use to running errands, driving to dance, reviewing homework, and volunteering at dance and school events that I am unsure not to do with my time. Even though she was not home much (school and dance studio 7:15am - 10:30pm), the house seems so quiet. The house needs some work so I am determined to freshen it up with some cleaning and painting. I will then look for volunteer work. I am sure I will fill the newly found time but it will not be quite the same.</p>
<p>I wish all of you the best in your transition to EN. Please remember that it is no easier for the career mom.</p>
<p>I applied for some jobs, and didn’t even get interviews. Being overqualified and 59 are hindrances in this job market.</p>
<p>So, I continue the community theater pursuits I started when my college senior younger son was a college freshman, and now I’m juggling being in performances for one musical and rehearsals for 2 others, which will be produced next month. And, I’m auditing an acting class at community college, so continue to be in touch with lots of young people, so I get to exercise my mothering instincts. :)</p>
<p>Want to send (((hugs) to the ENers, with careers or not. 
I just sent ds1 to college last week but have one still at home. Still, the only time I’ve felt choked up this past week was helping ds2 off the couch and realizing he now towers over me and will be gone, too, in three years. I’ll bump this thread then …</p>
<p>I’m LOL, slightly tearful, and feeling joyous all at the same time reading the various posts. What a mixture of feelings. 
Who gives us awards for our jobs as parents? Hehe, I just belatedly received the AP Scholar of Distinction award certificate for sonny. And thinking about all his awards, I’m thinking we, the parents, should get ones for going through this lifelong process.</p>
<p>We had an empty nest for one year. Now oldest, DS just finished his undergrad and is back here. Working full time and in theory saving money for law school…enjoy that empty nest while you can :)</p>
<p>We went to a country fair on vacation this summer and there was a scottish dancing show comprised of the local school children…I started bawling…there is no other word for it…as I saw these little kids and thought of mine now all in college…the rush of emotion was a bit scary as I couldn’t stop the tears…all 3 kids are overseas so will not see them till Christmas. The fridge is so bare, we have no snacks, cookies or soft drinks around and cooking for 2 is hardly worth messing the pans!</p>
<p>Just tonight hubby and I were in Lowes purchasing an outside door. When the door was on the big cart and we were walking to the checkout, I had a vision of our “little girl” riding on the side and holding on. How did she grow up so fast? She is a college Sophomore. Empty nest here, too. I will write more later.</p>
<p>natmicstef,</p>
<p>I feel like that too! When I see little kid things, clothing, Gymboree, young school kids walking around, I feel so nostalgic. And at times I just stare at sonny,s art work from childhood and his pictures from infancy on. I have many fleeting images of family trips to England, sonny learning to walk down the stairs properly (one foot after the other) during many treks down the Paris metro stairs, waiting for sonny after school or after taking a test. Sigh!!! There is no doubt there is a loss with the passing of this stage of life. sorry I can’t feel the relief or joy yet for myself. it will take more time. :(</p>
<p>No, I don’t feel any relief or joy…just want my babies back! It will pass, as everything does but for now I am living on automatic pilot. If I look into the future, I will be a babbling mess.</p>
<p>
We did too. Honestly my life hasn’t changed except I feel like it’s easier to go into NYC or to cook food the kids don’t like. I’m slowly working on cleaning up son’s room which he left a disaster area. When I get really bored I’m going to realphabetize the books!</p>
<p>On one hand I’m so relieved that my son is loving college. On the other, purely selfish hand, I wish he was still here with us. I feel sad sometimes and the tears fall hard every so often. The thing that has surprised me is how incredibly restless I am. My mind keeps drifting from painting a room to changing my diet to just about anything else I could possibly change (mr PMK, PMKjr and dogs excluded!)</p>
<p>Part of it is that I subbed last year in hopes of figuring out which grades I should get my teaching certificate in and instead fount out I really don’t like teaching.</p>
<p>I so dislike being adrift but here I am, for now.</p>
<p>mathmom,</p>
<p>Sigh! I wish I have more of your attitude. In some ways, it has been less work, but since this separation is still new, I just worry more for sonny’s safety from a distance. Every time I get some acknowledgement he is OK, I heave a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>I also ENVY your energy. My house is a mess. And I cannot get going with cleaning. (I have to let you know that the mess was created over the course of 10+ years while I was busy working 60 hours or so per week. So it is no easy task and it is something I abhor.) Hehe, actually, sonny’s room looks the best because he cleaned it up and cleared out things before leaving. I want my son back, if not just to get his energy and discipline to rub off! Wahhh!</p>
<p>I am so glad I am not alone in all my tears !I have always cried at anything sentimental, and it had gotten so bad that I started an anti-depressant several months ago.I am so much better,and I still cry now but more appropriately .I always love to look at small babies,comment on little girls running around in tutus,or anything that reminds me of my kids (like bright red hair) When I was in China, when my eldest son lived there,my son loved to shock cute little girls by asking in perfect Chinese" Are you married? "It was always so funny !</p>
<p>fauxmaven,</p>
<p>As you can see, you are definitely not alone. I read your post again. Wow, I just got a flashback to sonny’s desire to be Darth Vader for Halloween. I went on ebay and bought him the most realistic costume I’ve ever bought! He was garbed in all black with his Star Wars lightsaber flashing. Also, I stood for 8 hours just to get into the store (for purchasing Star Wars items) during a big Star Wars Convention in Indianapolis.</p>
<p>Oh, the many memories of our dear children growing up. OK, it is like we have completed the most demanding and challenging part of an important job, and after the “mourning,” we should stroke ourselves for work well done.</p>
<p>Haha, your eldest son sounds like quite the charmer. I’m glad to hear you are doing better. Really, this is a good time to turn the focus on yourself (and your partner, if applicable). Do something good for yourself today! :)</p>