<p>I think it takes time to get used to being without kids around all the time. I still come home (my youngest is starting her senior year of college) and feel like the house is much too empty. IMO it’s good to treat yourself well that first year–do those things that you’ve never had time to do and were waiting to do when the kids left for college.</p>
<p>My energy? I think you missed the word “Slowly”!</p>
<p>I got a very sweet letter from my Mom about how she cried when I was gone, which I just cannot imagine. It was much harder on her than it was on me as my parents were living in Africa at the time. There were no phone calls, just a weekly letter. (Which I was very good about writing.) In contrast I’ve heard from my younger son nearly every day. Today he wanted to know his height, weight and blood pressure for some Outward Bound type weekend event one of his courses has.</p>
<p>My two youngest went off to college one year after the other. With one on the five year plan they are both juniors. The last two to three years have been full of turmoil for one reason or another and I didn’t ‘feel’ like an empty nester.<br>
Now they are both juniors and my house is quiet. The others are settled too. I feel more relaxed than I have in years and simply adore having the remote to myself!</p>
<p>What do I do? I am able to spend more time with my dad (my mom died 1-1/2 years ago) who splits his time between NH and FL. I like that I can take several long weekends a year and not have to worry.
I also have recently taken up golf. I recommend it, highly. I don’t take it too seriously. It like raising children - some shots are horrible and some are beautiful! It’s nice to get outside, the walking is good and it takes a longggg time!
My dad is a great golfer as are my siblings - so it’s a good way to kill and afternoon with a lonely, widowed Dad.
I have some home improvements in mind, but haven’t gotten the ambition to tackle those yet… maybe this winter.
Yes, I still cry when I hear Stevie Nicks sing “Landslide” on the radio.</p>
<p>Bottom line, change is inevitable and attitude is everything! Go find a hobby!</p>
<p>good advice from JustaMom…I found a “jobby”. I was a regular customer in a nice wine bar. Became a part time employee, extra cash, lots of socializing at work and a wine discount. Perfect.</p>
<p>I’m not a complete empty nester yet, since S2 is a high school freshman. I miss S1 a lot and am listening to him doing color commentary for a soccer game on his college radio station over the internet right now as I write. But I do feel like I’m getting to know S2 a little better. He was kind of in the background during S1’s senior year and college launch, but now he’s front and center and it’s going very well.</p>
<p>footballmom,</p>
<p>Grab S2 and give him a big hug. Savor the time you spend with him, because before you know it, the time will come to send him off to college. It is great he is getting his time in the limelight (it can be hard to be the younger one).</p>
<p>How good you all are to put up your stories. </p>
<p>This EN thing turned out to be much harder for me than I had ever imagined: DD had a massive falling out with her father earlier in the summer and has stopped speaking to him (and I’m not unsympathetic to her). For months I did all the planning, packing, shipping–could not get this otherwise brilliant girl to care about planning or to pack on the only days we had available (she worked/she wanted to see her friends for goodbyes/we went to Scandinavia for nine days.) But she wouldn’t pack until I. Finally. Flipped. Out. It was as if she had lost her mind or become someone else. </p>
<p>Then, within the space of eleven days last month, my beloved boss of 16 years died unexpectedly (she was my age; I got the news when DD and I were on our long-planned Europe trip); I had to bring my freshman DD to her dream college in SoCal (alone, H won’t travel, we’re in NYC; she’s so far away, I don’t know why she just didn’t pick the University of Guam). And when I got back we had to put our darling dog to sleep. I’m numb.</p>
<p>I have signed up for volunteer work, I’ve asked a friend if she’ll show me again how to knit, and, thank heavens, my teaching term has begun. But it’s all sort of on autopilot. And while I know time will make all this less painful, I think I miss her far more than she misses me.</p>
<p>Dinmor,</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. So sorry to hear of your many losses and the disharmony in your family (with you in the middle). I have also felt that I miss my son more than he misses me. Now I know that for a fact; he is super busy and working hard but he feels good about college. I do get much comfort from hearing how well he is doing.</p>
<p>I hope this is also the case for your daughter, that she is adjusting well 3000 miles away from you. I know you will be glad to hear that. In the meantime, I hope you can go easy on yourself and get the support you need to make it through so many changes and unfortunate circumstances in your life.</p>
<p>My warm regards to you and best wishes for the soothing of your soul and emotions at this time.</p>
<p>Evolving, I so appreciate your kind words; I am getting support, and each day things get a little bit better. My daughter does seem to be thriving, and that’s comforting.</p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<p>I think we all probably miss them much more than they miss us.</p>
<p>Last year when Odessagirl left, hubby and I got busy and started working on projects around the house. We did this so our evenings wouldn’t be so long. And it ended up being fun and looked great - removed wallpaper, painted living/dining room, shopped for new curtains/sheers, new furniture, etc. In January we joined the YMCA and went together about 3 evenings each week. It was also enjoyable! We became much closer as a couple - who would have known that was going to happen? It’s great!</p>
<p>Evolving - About needing to care for your home, but not knowing where to start:</p>
<p>Try the book Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley - The Flylady. Or check out Flylady.com.</p>
<p>She basically says that our homes didn’t get “this way” in a short amount of time, and they won’t get organized/cleaned in a short abount of time. Start small. She calls it “baby steps”. </p>
<p>The very first one is to shine your sink. The kitchen sink. She has everything numbered out. 1. Take all dishes out of your sink. 2. Then run some very hot water in the sink, to the rim. Pour a cup of household bleach in the hot water. Let it sit 1 hour. Wear gloves and don’t get it on your clothes. 3. Rinse your sink well. 4. Get some cleanser: Comet, Ajax, or Baking Soda and scrub your sink. Do not used ammonia-based products such as Windex with these. 5. Take a sharp edge and clean around the rim of the sink, just like you would clean dirt out from under your fingernails. 6. Clean around the faucets, too. You may need an old toothbrush or dental floss. 7. Now get out your window cleaner and give it a good shine.
And on and on.<br>
You get the point.</p>
<p>This may or may not be the book for you. Very strongly talks about starting small and creating a morning and night routine and 15 minutes or 30 minutes a day doing something else, I believe. </p>
<p>Anyway, it was a good idea for me. And sometimes I stick to it! lol</p>
<p>Eddie</p>
<p>I’m not exactly a empty nester, Two are in home, the youngest against her will. But I never see them. My oldest who moved out four years ago PROMISED I would see/hear from him weekly. Didn’t happen. My two others leave early come home very late.</p>
<p>I was a stay at home mom. Now I am a stay at home wife. The day my youngest graduated from high school I broke down. I had just been fired from the best job anyone could ever have had. And it was a privilege to be able to have done that job.</p>
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<p>Thank you ellebud for putting into words what I have felt for a couple of years now.</p>
<p>Wow - I am so glad to hear I am not alone. My D1 left yesterday, and I knew it would be hard but I had no idea that I’d break down so much! I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest. It feels so selfish, because she is where she wants to be, and has such great potential to grow and thrive, yet I feel so bereft. In my head I want her to be off on her own, learning and growing and changing, yet my heart wants her to be here with me… Mothering is all about giving, and nurturing, yet I want her home again… I’ve given her a great start in life, and now she’s off to spread her own wings. Why do I feel so abandoned when this is what I want for her? When do the tears stop?</p>
<p>They change, the tears that is. The first time one of my kids didn’t come for the 4th of July (I make a big deal out of all holidays…including Ground Hog’s Day) despite the fact there were 30 people here…I felt a bit empty. </p>
<p>I think that when I have children in law to add to the brood it will be good. My kids have already “arranged” what days I get the grand kids. (My son once told me that once a week I get to take each of his kids out separately to do the stuff we used to do. And, once a year they’re going on vacation and I’m the only one he trusts to watch the kids. Did I mention that he’s not married yet?)…and no wife who might think differently?</p>
<p>I miss the days at the park with the baby at the time screaming, “Look at me!!!”</p>
<p>…and think I need a puppy.</p>
<p>I am a new empty nester and I thought I was doing alright. But tonight my H told me he felt relieved that my D was gone. (She got into some trouble her senior year that really upset my H a great deal and he still hasn’t forgiven her for it.) When he said that, I started to weep at the dinner table and I have not been able to stop.</p>
<p>to Yorky - that must hurt… I find myself re-thinking my parenting, things I could have done better, pushed her into or backed away from. But mostly I have an empty hole where my heart is. Tonight at dinner a question came up about a musical instrument which my D plays, and it put me into tears. She only left two days ago, and I can’t trust myself not to break down. In a store today another shopper had a darling little toddler, and I wanted to coo over her, but I was afraid I’d cry, so I didn’t.</p>
<p>When I was very pregnant with my first a friend of my mother’s said that I should enjoy sleeping now, because I would never be able to sleep well the rest of my life. She told me that, no matter how old/successful/famous/whatever your children are, that I would always worry. At the time I thought she was crazy…she was right.</p>
<p>Ellenbud,
I agree…</p>
<p>Well its good to know that it isn’t just me - as a solo mom with an only child this has been harder than I could have imagined. What is worse is that I am very happy for her, I want her to have her independence and I think she will do great where she is but I am just at a total loss for myself - I feel untethered. Meals are the worst; I just can’t stand the thought of cooking anything and eating alone. Plus I was ill for a long time and have few friends in the area - and my job is a telecommute job…boy, I miss her like crazy, there is this hole in my heart 10 miles wide.
The stuff I read however says not to lay this on the kids - they need to know its okay for them to think about themselves…so it’s good to say it here.</p>