<p>We shouldn’t read too much into things like ‘gone forever’ - the kids NEED their independence and freedom - that’s normal, not a rejection of us at all but rather a celebration of how strong we have made them, they are eager to go forth and live out their lives - as they should. And they cannot feel the emptiness as we do because they are just beginning so many new things, for them life stretches on and on and on with opportunity and possibility. It’s important to be glad for them to want this…at the same time of course we feel this incredible loss and love that overpowers us - as one person said - it’s the everyday casual stuff that is missing, the brief one minute conversation, the car ride talk, the what do you want to eat for dinner, the sound of them coming home late at night…the traces of them everywhere. My apartment is so neat its making me crazy !!!</p>
<p>One of my dearest friends, who’s daughter moved with her boyfriend to South America gave me this piece of advice: Don’t try and hold your child back. They will only flee. </p>
<p>The skyped each other daily. And now, they are coming home! And they’ll be married and living an hour away. </p>
<p>I am trying to remember a time when I was newly married and sans children. What did I do then? I believe that I was quite self involved…and I’m going to try and do this again. Today: exercise, mani/pedi, make dinner and watch tv with my husband. And, little by little I’m going to try and expand my horizons.</p>
<p>It’s a little different for me this year, Sapling is a rising fourth year. Who knows if he will even live with me next summer?</p>
<pre><code>What teared me up today was the thought of us watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” together during the holidays each year. What made me remember that on a hot day?
</code></pre>
<p>I have an idea for all the sad ENs like me.I began volunteering at the local hospital 4 days a week between 5:30 and 8.It is so rewarding and distracting!!!I eat dinner at the cafe there before beginning a shift ( husband often works late).I feel so much better,and it’s a great distraction for the old carpool and dinner routine,plus people seem really appreciative that I am there,both staff and patients.Could work for others as well. I’ve even dropped a few more pounds-good all around.</p>
<p>I have too much to do and not enough time.
My oldest is in grad school in another state & my youngest just started sophomore year.
I am involved in restoration of habitat on and around the Duwamish river & in my own yard ( I removed all my sod a few years ago and have been " redoing " our yard myself).</p>
<p>With the death of my mother last year a month after her 75th birthday( my father died when I was 17) and the death of our well loved labrador at 16 last month, this is my " make it count" time.</p>
<p>I attended my 35th high school reunion a few weeks ago for the first time- didn’t see everyone I wanted to see, but it was fun to get in touch ( and to hear how great I looked on facebook- my H tells me that all the time- which is sweet, but it is fun when strangers- practically do it. 
)</p>
<p>I have wanted to learn to play guitar since I was young & I started lessons recently- my guitar teacher, while about my oldest’s age & covered with tattoos is so positive and enthuastic , it is better than therapy ( & cheaper)</p>
<p>In fact I have a lesson today & then I drive up to deliver the results of a recent shopping trip to Ikea to my youngest ( she started class yesterday)
:)</p>
<p>What teared me up today was the thought of us watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” together during the holidays each year.</p>
<p>Yesterday when I was @ Ikea ( and they had Christmas decorations out!!!), I was reminded of the times when I stayed home, when we had tickets to things like the Childrens theatre, because with my husband working overtime/swingshift for years, I was mostly so exhausted I needed all the time I could get to rest, even if it meant I missed family things 
It made me really sad.
But this year we are all going to spend Christmas together- even if we can’t go to the mountains.</p>
<p>I got a call from my daughter in the emergency room yesterday, where she had been taken by ambulance from the health center. It wasn’t as scary as I thought a call like that would be. She sounded chipper and okay and she had a dormmate with her (who also got to ride in the ambulance). It turns out all the kids from her hall rallied and took care of her, they visited her in shifts to make sure she was never alone and when she finally got released they walked her back to the dorm. The kids know how to fill in the gaps. I think they will all be fast friends after this.</p>
<p>Some of these posts bring a lump to my throat…</p>
<p>My son is a college sophomore and my daughter is a high school junior who is rarely home, so the nest is pretty empty. There were many tears and much anxiety for me last year, less this year. My husband and I are closer than ever, though, and I don’t know where I would be without the unconditional love and the constant comic relief of my dogs. </p>
<p>I was depressed and out of shape until I decided to become fit last March. I ride my bike to the gym twice a week, spend many hours on the tennis court and I just got a stand up paddle board for my birthday. I have only taken it out once, but I have found peace and a low impact core workout on the water. It didn’t happen over night but I now feel more fit and sound, both physically and mentally, than ever.</p>
<p>I have more time for my small business and more energy now that I am focusing more on myself. I don’t even feel guilty saying that anymore!</p>
<p>My heart still aches as I miss my son, but I would be more heart broken if he did not try out his wings and fly away. We live in a small tourist town and there is nothing in the way of academia here so I remind myself when I am sad that I did a good job to raise a confident son. Still, being a Mom is the best job I have ever had and after a rocky year I have found out that it’s never over, it just changes. Good luck to everyone dealing with EN and pat yourselves on the back-if they can live without you, congratulations, you did your job!</p>
<p>@photoOp That does sound scary, but it sounds like they handled it well. I’m glad she’s okay. My son called me this morning for advise on what to do when you are up coughing all night. I immediately think-bronchitis! So hard to not be able to take care of him.</p>
<p>my guitar teacher, while about my oldest’s age & covered with tattoos is so positive and enthuastic , it is better than therapy ( & cheaper)</p>
<p>well must be all the clean living but I found out he is actually only 11 years younger than me.
& I had a nice but worrying visit with my daughter.
Now I know what I am going to do this year, I am planning to visit her a lot more often.
:)</p>
<p>Funny things get me going, a song on the radio in the car, something from my youth that I used to turn up and sing to, now sometimes, I think of my “lost” youth then I think of my kids…The other day my oldest son who is a musician stopped by and went to his old room
he picked up a guitar he’d left and began to play, I was in the kitchen and I thought I’d loose it, it was worse because the room is still empty of all furniture and it echoed. I can go for days or weeks if I’m busy and not think about it too much at all - then boom out of the blue it hits me. I hadn’t really seen my husband in two or three days he was working nights and I was working days. He showed up where I was working all clean, cute and tan and I started to cry, I felt like an idiot.</p>