One blessing to the arrangement is children growing up with multiple generations around, the norm in many other countries. There is a lot to be said for that. Children can’t have too much love.
The house must be bursting. Not just with people and babies but with the 50+ baby gifts from Zoe’s first shower and now all the new stuff! I remember the days of tripping over wagons and walkers and swings and I remember very fondly when those things were finally gone. I hope each Mama has space for a small rocking chair. They are so helpful!
They will all need your support. What troubles me is the hint of Zoe’s character being a bit greedy and probably competitive. How can you reassure her so she relaxes a bit? You don’t want her to make Cookie upset with constant comparisons between the babies and what are likely to be different parenting styles. You can only be clear that you love all your grandnieces and grandnephews, as well as their parents, (and do your gossiping discreetly and at a distance, hehe).
( Sadly, Maria retired from SS a little over a year ago - I’m kind of a Sesame Street groupie - to be Maria was my dream job…!)
Back to Cookie. I have to say I found it hard at first to find my voice as a new mother and I was probably 10 or more years older than Cookie. Thankfully, my MIL would step back often, compliment me, and ask me a few variables about how I wanted to do something. That kind of respect will be very important to Cookie who is so young and so surrounded by other people who have more experience than her. Do your best to listen to her and help her find her own way.
Oh brother.
In my circle of friends and relatives…second babies don’t get showers. If we chooose to,give a gift, we usually do so once the new baby has arrived. Like maybe the first time we visit. But…no shower.
That first baby shower would be the one I would attend.
I’ve been to a number of baby showers that the greandmothers hosted…for first babies. Honestly, I have NO trouble with that…at all.
We were fine with giving my niece a 1st and 2nd baby shower and her sister a 1st baby shower. It varies a lot. In my day, I was given a baby shower for my 1st baby and another for my 2nd baby. It was never my idea, but it was nice to see and spend time with people I love.
My previous neighbor who had two sons less then two years apart had a baby shower for her third pregnancy. (also a son) This was given by a friend of the family.
My brother had 4 kids and 2 of my sisters had 3 kids apiece; I had two as did my other brother. We had showers to welcome each baby! We had a shower for my sister who adopted an older son as well.
I feel for Cookie. I can imagine Zoe being bossy/critical of whatever “new mommy mistakes” (or not mistakes) Cookie makes.
Zoe sounds like a pain in the tush! Is a gag a possible shower gift?
I am surprised there are showers for a second child…is this a new “thing”?
I’d let Zoe’s invitation stand on it’s own. If anyone asked about it I’d say that I have no idea (what she’s thinking), and if she’s trying to one up her husband’s sister, I’d make it my business not to know.
I’d help Cookie in any way I could. I hope she’s pursuing the dad for child support. And a college fund, while she’s at it.
@austinmshauri, yep that’s what I’ve been saying in the emails that are surfacing these past couple of days.
Goodness! Too much drama!
I should have ignored the emails, too!
Poor Cookie needs all the support she can get. I would go to her shower and give her a nice, normal gift. I would have a talk with her mother about what furniture she actually needs that will fit in the house. (We had a crib and a changing table top thing that sat on the dresser already in the room. That was plenty.) I’d give her a baby gift when the baby was born.
Zoe seems to have proven herself to be a greedy and selfish person. I would decline the invitation to her shower if at all possible, and send her something utilitarian for an infant, such as a nice onesie and matching pants and/or bib. When the baby was born, I would give him an outfit aimed at 12 months.
I’ve never known anyone to have a registry for a baby, although I gather that registering for everything is the new thing in some circles. I’ve never known anyone to have a shower for a second baby. Baby gifts, yes. I’ve also never known anyone to give themselves a shower.
Snarky, but I’d be tempted to tell Zoe that you look forward to helping her and Elmo when they move into their own place. With as innocent an air as possible. B-)
BTW, I hope Cookie is going to pursue a DNA test and child support.
Add me to the list of folks who hope Cookie is going to get a DNA test and child support!
What is the bedroom situation at Maria’s (crowded) place? Will Cookie and her baby have their own room? What about Elmo and Zoe’s toddler – does she have her own room? Where will the new Zoe/Elmo baby sleep? How do Zoe and Cookie get along? How does Maria get along with Zoe? With Cookie?
Cookie is having TWINS! I thought I had written that in the original post, but it seems to have disappeared!
Cookie (age 24) will be sharing her downstairs childhood bedroom with her elder sister-age 28 (Who is in-between jobs, MS in Health education has few job prospects.) and the twin baby girls!!
Zoe and Elmo (age 29) took over the extra room upstairs that Maria added onto the house (as rental income), sharing that space with two young children and a cat and dog.
[Hopefully, Grover (another sibling) wont move back in with his family of 4!]
It is a mess!
@CTTC, no Zoe and Cookie do not get along. Zoe made it worse by telling Cookie that she (Cookie) “committed a sin” and would have to “pay for her mistake”. Lets just add fuel to the fire.
Maria and her husband, Oscar, work a LOT of hours. They’ve tried to get Zoe and Elmo out of the house by having them look at local rentals on the internet. Zoe and Elmo have poor money management skills and can barely make the “studio” payments; so why “Maria and Oscar” keep letting them “add” to the household is beyond me!!!
We’ve told her that tough love works.
They don’t live with Zoe’s parents because Zoe’s family has “no room”!!!
Wow, Cookie and Maria will have their hands full when the twins arrive–twins plus the managerie in the the studio! I really feel for Maria and Oscar! I would not be happy to house 3 of my adult kids and their babies AND pets!
I’ve seen Maria get tough with Zoe, but her “recommendations” are inconsistent. Elmo just wants to please everyone but likes playing a LOT of video games and dungeons/dragons with his friends.
I’m too much of a witch and would have directly told them that if they were responsible enough to make another baby, then they were responsible enough to budget their money and find another place to live within 60 days. They’ve lived with Maria for at least 7 years!!
Cookie and her sister have lived out of the house at various times with various roommates. This time, they were supposed to find a rental together, but the babies came and Sister lost her job with a budget cut.
TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ME!
Good lord…what a mess.
Time for Maria and H to set a firm deadline for Elmo and Zoe to find their own place. I hardly dare ask…are Elmo and Zoe paying rent, or helping with the household bills at all?
I dislike Zoe even more now, if that were possible. 
I’m willing to bet that Zoe committed that same “sin” but was lucky enough not to get pregnant.
How dare she say such a thing to Chloe! I hope that someone else in the family told her off.
I don’t know anyone who throws a baby shower for a second or subsequent child. That’s kind of tacky, in my opinion. And given the situation of this couple sponging off parents for seven years makes it even more so.
@Consolation
DRAMA :
Elmo and Zoe pay “what they can”.
Which is one of the reasons that Cookie and Zoe don’t get along. Cookie, as have the rest of us, seen Zoe sit around for 7 years playing on the computer, eating, calling unemployed friends and not contributing to her “household”. She says she’s a “housewife”. Cookie has called Zoe on it about not helping Elmo with expenses.
Cookie pays rent to her parents Maria and Oscar.
My dd was right, go with the flow, so tired of this junk!