In my circle, every baby was celebrated with a shower–among the extended family and also among my friends, from back decades ago. Often the shower for 2nd and more kids may be more casual, more likely to be co-ed with spouses and kids at a home.
At my job, a bunch of us threw a baby shower this week for two of our colleagues who are expecting. One is pregnant with her first child, the other with her third. Both women received gift certificates and lots of diapers. And all the food was healthy enough for a pregnant woman to eat without guilt.
Last year, we threw a baby shower for an expectant father. The only difference was that the food was not so healthy.
Diapers are always a welcome gift. We made a diaper cake and bought some outfits and bath toys for our gift for a baby shower. It was very well-received and a nice group project for D, niece and niece’s BF. I don’t understand the negativity about baby showers for 2nd and later kids. If folks don’t want to attend for whatever reason, they can just politely decline and wish the family well in a thoughtful card or email.
SEVEN YEARS??? [cross-posted]
She’s a housewife with one room to take care of? What a job!
Sounds like they need an intervention! How about Dr. Phil?? 
Definitely, they MUST be induced to move out. I’d suggest starting by charging a market rent. If Maria wants, she can secretly set the money aside, and in six months or less inform Elmo and Zoe that they now have this sum available for a security deposit and first month’s rent, and she expects them to move out in 60 days. MAX.
Wow! I’m just imagining the amount of laundry in that house. I don’t blame Oscar for working a lot, it’s likely more peaceful at work than at home!
@HImom , I think there’s a difference between celebrating each baby – whether through a party, a religious rite, sending a gift, etc. – and a shower. I always send gifts when friends have kids - first or fifth – yet I find the idea of more than one shower for one mom tacky. To me, a shower is meant to provide the celebrant with what she needs for her new role. So it’s about “equipping the nursery”, and once that’s done, it should be equipped for not just the first kid but all the ones that come after it, so unless there’s something extraordinary (which is why the idea of a “sprinkle” for the baby that’s born after all the baby stuff was given away exists) having a second one just sounds greedy. The existence of registries, which are extremely helpful, also puts the celebrant of being a person who says “I want!” and I’d be the first to admit that that changes how the invitation feels. So to have and then say “I want” again is well, yuck!
Traditionally, women gathered, provided advice, and maybe each gave something for nursery – a knitted blanket, a toy, etc. The real purpose of the “ritual”, which was something of an initiation into motherhood, has sort of morphed in our culture. There are people like Cookie, who sound like they could really use what a traditional shower is meant to provide – a community to support her (as well as some supplies). For a Zoe, IMHO, a baby gift of the giver’s choosing is what’s appropriate but not an invitation to give and list of what the recipient wants!
As always, I love the discussions here because they highlight how differently people see things and a chance to think about it. @3scoutsmom , that crossed my mind too…
Consolation–something similar to this was on Dr. Phil. You must’ve seen it!
Yep. Dr. Phil found a place for the mooching kids (3 siblings plus a wife) for 60 days days rent paid (versus putting them out on the street.)
They could all live together and pool their resources. Or not–they had 60 days to figure it out. But nobody was coming back home after that.
We don’t have jobs they said. So go find one–try Starbucks or deliver pizzas.
We don’t get along they said. Too bad–make enough money to live on your own. Find some other roommates.
The parents really were inconsistent in telling them to go and the kids knew it. They weren’t leaving because parents didn’t make them leave. Elmo and Zoe must be pros!
And the parents hadn’t really realized how much it had cost them in food, lost rental income, paying extra expenses, lack of funding their own retirement.
The difference is that Dr. Phil moved them out of the house FIRST with 60 day lee way versus telling them they had 60 days to move (which just invites more sticking around).
Aunt Bea–I’d steer clear!
@gouf78, yep, since I’m the one with the “mouth”, I think people are expecting me to say something. I’m keeping my mouth shut, per DD1 and DD2 tomorrow.
Things have really changed in etiquette since I had my kids. I had one baby shower at work for my third. I didn’t have baby shower for either my first or my second, which made it really hard financially. My family “forgot” that I was pregnant because I was always working. My husband’s family wrote us a large check. I was always busy working up to my delivery date.
My dear friends and coworkers threw baby showers for all three of our children, spaced two years apart. We had purchased the crib and dresser ourselves. After years of infertility, we got at least one gift everyday for six months after our DS was born. There were three showers thrown in his honor - friends at a home, shared shower at work, and one at my boss’s house for a smaller group. For #2 (DD) friends threw a home shower, I had a shower at work and my husband’s boss threw a fancy dinner party when she was about three months old. #3 (DD) those same friends threw another party and we had one at my work. (New job, lots of presents.) My younger friends were having children during this time and I’ve always celebrated and assisted with the parties, so I’m thankful for the blessings and love we received with out children. We had so many friend parties as a get-togethers and to celebrate becoming mothers. Gifts are nice but celebrating is the best part. Zoe’s greed is unfortunate.
I had a surprise baby shower for my first thrown by very sweet co-workers. Of course my own family was there (they were out-of-town). It meant a lot.
No shower for the second one but did receive quite a few baby gifts from both family and friends.
I don’t remember getting invitations to a “shower” for a second baby but often send gifts after the announcement.
Well, I get the Sesame St. references. There is a cookie and someone behaving like a monster. Sigh.
Does Cookie have a degree? What are her options for creating a better future for herself and her daughters? I think I’d start 529’s or something for them.
I bet Cookie’s 28 year-old sister and roommate is going to be moving out as soon as she possibly can! Sharing a room with newborn twins? YIKES!
What is Cookie’s rent compared to Elmo and Zoe’s? Sounds like she is paying a fixed amount, while Elmo and Zoe pay what they can?
Will Cookie go back to work after the twins’ birth? What about daycare?
Are Elmo and Zoe’s pets the only pets in the house? If Elmo and Zoe have been mooching off of Maria for SEVEN years, it’s going to be very difficult to get rid of them!
What a mess!
Sounds like a reality tv show in the making…
I can remember one shower for a second baby back when I was a young mom. A friend with toddler twins was expecting a third boy. Her older husband had been very anxious to complete their family before he got even older. She felt overwhelmed by it all. The twins had been a happy surprise, and a reason to marry when they did, but it had never been her plan to be a mother of three at 24. She was home with little ones instead of having the exciting career. She had traded in her convertable sports car for a minivan.
We gave her a surprise shower with very small gifts, but lots of love and support and good wishes. I think that sort of shower is always appropriate.
The neighborhood I live in when my kids were born was a neighborhood of a lot of young families just starting out and we always threw baby showers for each other, regardless if it was the 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Part of it was to be supportive of one another, part was any excuse for a party. Fun times, good memories. 
OMG. Twins?! And single? Oh, that’s going to be tough. May lots of help come out of the woodwork for that young woman!
I feel for Cookie and her parents. Time for the parents to have a talk with son about moving out. Your sister has been very generous. Attend Cookies baby shower and do what you can to make it special for her. She needs all the help and encouragement for the responsibilities ahead with twins. Very tough situation in that household.
I hope Cookie’s baby shower is well before her due date. I was a first time mother with twins and they were 6 weeks early! If need be, they can share one bassinet for a few weeks until they get bigger.
Cookie will need lots of help. She and her older sister won’t be getting much sleep in that room with the babies! It’s hard to breastfeed twins and just roll over and let them sleep in your bed. What if they’re both hungry at 2 AM? That happened to me a LOT and I would have to sit up and balance them on pillows to feed them at the same time. No dozing off for me. If she doesn’t breastfeed, she (and likely the older sister) will be getting up and getting the bottles ready. Ugh, that is rough.
Having more space in the house would make things easier but it will still be very hard on Cookie. The larger problem is the sister and her husband enabling Zoe and Elmo who seem like they will stay forever. Why would they leave? I bet they mooch on babysitting too. Maybe Cookie can be really, really, loud when she gets up in the night to feed the twins and it will drive out the other two. One can hope.
Yes, that’s why I wondered about the timing for the invitations. I don’t know what was going on in their house with the invitation.
Cookie will be overwhelmed with twins and no help from the other irresponsible party. The aunts and uncles (we are 7 siblings with spouses) are pooling their resources to help; maybe that’s why the invitations came together?
(Oscar and the uncles refurbished changing tables, cribs, and rockers; the “sewing and knitting” talented aunts were working on changing table, crib sheets and rocker re-upholstery.)
Tomorrow, they will present all of the “gently used” family stuff.
Should be interesting.
Changing tables never worked for us. Our kids were too squirmy from the time they were born and had to be watched every minute with at least one had on them when they were at any height. They were wriggling and rolling over in the hospital.
It’s wonderful that there are loving older relatives. I hope Cokie gets the support she will certainly need!