If it’s not a surprise, ask the niece.
Is your daughter more of a friend to this niece? Maybe she was invited on that basis rather than as a cousin.
In our family, some cousins fill the close friend role, others are more like distant relatives.
Neither my daughter or my daughter in law are close to my niece. Both live far away from the location of the shower.
My husband’s brother I am positive has no idea who is invited or not. He is an avoider and would be unhappy to have to talk to his ex. Or ask his daughter.
I called my mil. She said it was either rude or thoughtless and be happy that you don’t have to buy a gift.
She will probably say something to her son but he won’t address it with his daughter.
Totally makes sense to assume if your daughter was invited that your son’s wife would be too. This is on the hosts who created the guest list, not you! You have nothing to be feel badly about!
If you or your H want to reach out to H’s brother you can. It was not nice to omit DIL.
I would buy a gift from you. Assuming your D is an adult, I’d encourage her to send a small gift from the registry. And, of course, uninvited DIL need not send a thing.
Years ago, my brother’s wife was invited to a wedding shower for my cousin’s wife - and I was not. The shower was local. I was busy with life at that time & just let it slide; I did not send a gift. I have always gotten along well with my cousin, and I didn’t know his wife (he met and married her while living in another country & they had just moved back). So no bad blood. After the shower, my mom (who didn’t attend because she lived too far away) mentioned that my aunt had said that they missed me. I told her that I wasn’t invited. Turns out that I was invited - either the invitation got lost in the mail or was somehow missing. In retrospect, I probably should have asked my mom to check with my aunt beforehand.
I told my daughter that I would buy the gift and put all of our names on it.
Since she currently can’t get pregnant because her of her ongoing cancer treatment. Is meeting with her fertility specialist and oncologist next month to discuss when she can try to have her few embryos implanted and hopefully is able to carry a baby. If the team suggests that she shouldn’t carry a baby, then they have to discuss surrogacy
My ex sil and my niece are aware of her condition and situation.
That’s another reason I’m annoyed about the entire situation. The last thing daughter wants to do is look for a baby shower gift for a cousin she’s not close to.
In our circle of friends, there is no expectation to attend a shower that involves flying, a long drive, or spending the night. Usually only very closely related long distance guests (parents, siblings) would even be invited unless a potential guest mentions it or you learn someone is planning to be in the area at the time of the shower. It seems that most long distance friends who would be invited if local send an appropriate gift for the main event anyway (such as wedding, baby)
This is my thought as well. I’ve been invited to out-of-town weddings but not the showers. I’ve appreciated not having to buy an additional gift or contemplate travel.
Baby showers, IMO, are even more niche as far as who gets an invite. I was just thinking about this yesterday (well, thinking ahead as my D is not yet pregnant but planning to be) as to who on my side I would invite to a baby shower. In my mind, it’s more friends and close relatives of the mom-to-be (but every situation is different).
Your scenario sounds like an ex who is either bring shady or thoughtless. I would apologize to your DIL for the slight and tell her she dodged a bullet. Personally, I would not want to be invited to a baby shower for someone I didn’t know (or have to spend $$ on a gift). As for the gift, I would sign it from the people who received the invite.
I’m very happy to have received an invitiation to a baby shower that is out of town, and I have every intention of attending. I’ve know the mom to be since she was born, and we attended her wedding a few years ago.
Because the mom to be is flying to the shower, I’m going to put my gifts in fixed rate priority boxes, and gift wrap those. After she opens them, I’ll repack and take to the post office to mail to her home.
This is a family we have known for 44 years or so. I’m touched to be invited to this shower!
I am attending a baby shower for my nephew’s wife this weekend. I find the all female showers to be pretty retro but whatever. (I mean aren’t both of them parents? Is there a reason only the female gets onesies and strollers?)
Anyway my mother had a long tradition of taking my two brothers on cruises and ski vacations and excluded my family, for unknown reasons- possibly because I have 3 kids? Or just plain favoritism. (Of course I am the one who took care of her for years…)
Anyway I have been invited but my 2 daughters were not. My other brother’s wife and daughter are flying up from Florida. Only my kids were excluded and one lives nearby. I think that my brothers are continuing this pattern of exclusion out of habit. I visit the brother whose wife is hosting the shower and our relationship is affectionate.
I am wondering whether to say something and to whom. Who does invites for a baby shower? It seems it is my brother’s wife. Or does the beneficiary of the shower do the invites?
Sorry to piggy back on the thread. If it is too much of a tangent I withdraw it!
