<p>A young relative is having a baby in a few months. </p>
<p>Simply put, she is planning on throwing herself a baby shower. </p>
<p>Her mother seems fine with it, so I’m left wondering if I am perhaps so far removed from my baby shower days that this is now acceptable?</p>
<p>OH my - seems tacky to me! But I too am very far removed from baby showers as well.</p>
<p>Every single one of my baby showers was a total surprise and pretty late into my pregnancy. I guess her throwing her own saves friends and family from having to do one for her. But you know, my mother is not American, my MIL was not well grounded, and I didn’t have female relatives, the males were not in focus on these things, and I’d just relocated far from anyone who knew me well at all, so with my first child, I would have rated my chances of getting a shower as just about nil, and it was really just a wonderful thing co workers did for me, and even got hold of my DH to get a list of non work related names to also invite. It would have been no surprise at all if I’d gotten NO shower. I guess sometimes you gotta do things yourself if you really want them done. I’m surprised the mom involved didn’t take over and grab someone to do this. Or anyone else close. If I had a DIL, daughter, dear friend, anyone close throwing herself a shower, I’d step in and take over unless the person really objected.</p>
<p>And if people don’t pony up presents for her, will she send them a bill? This is beyond tacky.</p>
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<p>This. How sad that this young mom-to-be has no one to throw a shower for her.</p>
<p>I could step in. Her mom could step in.
Her SIL could step in. No one has. </p>
<p>When I asked her mom about it, she said her daughter wanted to do it, which is why I was trying to figure out whether something has changed etiquette-wise since I had babies! </p>
<p>I will ask her if I can do it here and send out invites. I’ve hosted baby showers before.</p>
<p>I don’t think this is tacky. It’s not the norm but not tacky.
No one has stepped up. Maybe the woman wanted to do it because no one else had stepped up. </p>
<p>I agree with alwaysamom that it seems more sad than tacky. </p>
<p>I think it is tacky! Especially if there are others available to do the shower for her. Does she have control issues, lol!</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
<p>I had a shower/ coming home party for my oldesr daughter the day she came home from the hospital.
It was at my house and was just my sister & mom, a few friends and my inlaws. It had been planned before we knew what day she was coming home.
No one objected to my face that it was held at my house & considering my mil generally could find something to object to, I consider that a miracle!
Didnt have one for my youngest 8 years later, its kinda a first baby thing.
Saying all these people * could* step up but haven’t, makes me wonder why not?
How do people get to be judgmental about this? Are those who think its inappropriate still going to attend? Why?</p>
<p>Geez. and I was thinking the old rule still stood…immediate family doesn’t ask for gifts so the immediate family doesn’t host the shower. You know what, I’m ready to accept new ways of doing things. I guess anyone who cares about someone can host a shower. But it sounds like the mom may have offered, and the girl wants to do it herself. That’s kind of odd to me.</p>
<p>OP, please please step up and at least send out the invitations so that it looks like someone other than the mom to be is throwing the shower.</p>
<p>Maybe this young woman has had issues with showers before. (I’ve been married twice and no bridal showers for either. Between the two weddings, three different people said they would throw me a shower and never actually got around to it. [But I’d much prefer having the pathetic story to tell than to have thrown my own shower!})</p>
<p>Missypie, I will do just that. Otherwise, grandma will likely have a heart attack! </p>
<p>And it makes me feel better to offer that- it allows her to control so much while still having the illusion of having someone else in charge.</p>
<p>I didnt read that the mom offered, only that she was fine with the daughter hosting it.</p>
<p>My mom was mentally ill at the time,( she actually had a psychotic break shortly after) compounded by my sister and her husband living with her, while they had their own house built. Mine was more of a celebration that our baby was coming home from the hospital after 8 weeks, I don’t see baby showers as begging for gifts, its more of an acknowledgement of the new parents role and welcoming them.
Besides, is a rattle or baby tshirt really that extravagant? </p>
<p>We threw the shower for my niece–actually we had her female cousins throw it (but us aunties behind the scenes were financing it). It was a lovely event and we had the mom-to-be’s favorites–cheese fondue and chocolate fountain at my SIL’s home. It was a lot of fun. (The mom of the mom-to-be sort of suggested we do it, but we were all happy to do so.) We have only blood relatives of the parents-to-be and it was a lot of fun–women only.</p>
<p>My niece also had a shower from her friends at work.</p>
<p>When I was expecting, my office threw me a shower and my relatives threw me one as well. It was very nice. I am unaware of anyone who threw a shower for herself. It would definitely be a kindness if someone else would send out the invitations. Have been to showers thrown by relatives of the bride or mom-to-be, but only invited relatives to such events.</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of the expectant mother or parents throwing their own shower and it seems a bit sad If you can’t convince her to let you take the reins, perhaps you can talk her into having a “meet the baby” party once he or she arrives. People can bring gifts if they so choose (and probably will) but it will seem more like a party and less like an out and out request for gifts.</p>
<p>Many expectant mothers and parents do not have a shower. It’s very nice if you are in a community of friends, family, neighbor, acquaintances, fellow students, fellow employees who have stepped up, but it doesn’t always happen. As I said earlier, I truly did not expect my first shower (or subsequent ones as I thought one only got showers for the first baby). I was aware that I was in a new place so it wasn’t something that I dwelled upon. I certainly did not make any effort or say a word about showers. It wasn’t even a thought. But some people took the matter into their own hands. Not many people I knew well were at that shower, but I did have one because of kindness and consideration. </p>
<p>I have hosted a few myself, but not in under any kind of duress, nor have I been around anyone who did not have shower for a first baby. Oh, I’ve been to many showers in my time. It’s actually been a long time, come to think of it. </p>
<p>Things are changing in terms of these things, but it’s still nice when someone gives a hand or offers to help in these situations. </p>
<p>missbwith2boys - I think it will be very nice for you to send out the invitations / host the shower for your young relative. Maybe her SIL could co-host it with you. I have never heard of anyone hosting her own shower. </p>
<p>Honestly, unless she really will not let anyone else throw the shower and has made that clear, I think her friends/family that will attend the shower should be more embarrassed than the expectant mother.</p>
<p>missb, if she resists after you tell her that you would LOVE to host a shower for her, I think that you should tell her straight out that holding a shower for yourself just isn’t done, period. Save her from embarrassing herself.</p>
<p>ek, your celebration was a very different kind of thing, and a nice idea indeed.</p>
<p>BTW, a baby shower is usually held about a month before the due date, to my knowledge. How many months is it until she’s due?</p>