<p>I went to bridal shower that the bride threw for herself. I mean it wasn’t said explicitly but she had designed the invitation and the shower was at her mom"s (and her) house. She greeted all the guests at the door. A couple of years later I got the invite to the baby shower (again, she threw this for herself). I refused to go. I think it is tacky to the extreme. The worst part about the bridal shower was that I was the guest who knew nobody except the bride and her mom. Nobody introduced me to one single soul. I sat on the couch the entire time waiting for the torture to be over. I am not a shy person. I introduced myself to several people near me. The acknowledged me and then continued enjoying the company of their friends and relatives.</p>
<p>Two separate issues I guess but I do agree that it is very tacky. The girl that I know that did this is very much a control freak and needs to be the center of attention.</p>
<p>I used to work at a party store and it was not unusual for the mother to be to throw and plan her own baby shower. It certainly isn’t in the best taste. One time we had two pregnant friends come in and they were each planning their own shower. It never occurred to them to give each other a shower.</p>
<p>The tackiest thing my boss ever saw was the custom wedding invitations that a bride was having done that also listed the places for the baby registry. I think that one really hit rock bottom.</p>
<p>I guess it’s just another tacky thing that has become commonplace, sort of like the brides who “demand” that gifts exceed the cost of hosting each guest at the reception. The purpose of a shower is to “shower” the new bride or mother-to-be with gifts and therefore is never done by family, never mind the actual recipient of the gifts.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why this isn’t obvious but doesn’t anyone consult Emily Post or Miss Manners anymore? When I was planning my wedding I didn’t make a move without checking the book in case I was in danger of doing something “in bad taste”.</p>
<p>Not that my mom wouldn’t have set me straight anyway, lol.</p>
<p>There is an event that a person has so people can meet the baby once it arrives - down here it’s called a Sip and See. People who have not already sent a gift typically bring gifts. A Sip and See can be held at the new mother’s home. But even then, she does not send the invitations/give it to herself.</p>
<p>I did some of the planning for my first baby’s shower. A longtime family friend offered to host my baby shower at a downtown waterfront restaurant. Because she lived across the country, I chose and mailed out the invitations. But she was clearly the hostess at the luncheon.</p>
<p>It’s sad to think this young woman is hosting her own shower. I always thought the point of a shower is to gather in support of the new mother. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think the etiquette goes both ways. That is, if I am close to, but not related to, a soon to be or young mother, I feel the inclination to host the shower if I can, so that it doesn’t fall on the family. </p>
<p>I think it is tacky. Isn’t it called a “shower” because the idea is to “shower” the mother-to-be with gifts? So that means she is throwing herself a party so that she can receive gifts. Tacky.</p>
<p>I recently attended a baby shower for an out-of-town DIL of a friend, and just about every guest purchased a gift off the baby registry and had it sent to the Mom-to-be’s home, except me. I was surprised, because I thought the entire purpose of a shower was to give gifts and watch the honoree open them. What were we going to do at the shower then? We just ate and played a game or two. I thought it was a bit tacky for some reason.</p>
<p>My SIL asked me to throw 3 showers for her Ds. She basically planned the entire events and told me what to do. I was a bit put out by that, but I did it. I thought that was tacky, too.</p>
<p>Very tacky, but agree also sad. However, since you offered and the Mom refused I would drop it. It’s difficult to tell people they’re being tacky in a ‘nice’ way.</p>
<p>I don’t know who said it earlier in the thread that they didn’t see this as a gift grab, but I don’t know how it could be seen as anything else, for the very reason stated above. Unless the invitation states “Come and meet my new baby but PLEASE NO GIFTS” this a very blatant gift grab.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s tacky. A shower is one of the few events where presents are the whole point. People do all kind of things, but throwing yourself a shower, or any gift related event is in poor taste today as ever. </p>
<p>Not everyone has a baby shower and if no one has offered, throwing one for yourself is inappropriate. The assumption is that if you are having a baby, you are responsible enough to afford the basics. People will also send gifts after the baby is born and probably be just as generous at that time.Some people avoid having a shower altogether because they don’t want anything in the house ahead of time or because it is just not practical logistically. </p>
<p>But as rude as it is, I’d also be leery of saying anything critical of the plan unless you are also willing to host, your relatives have solicited or are receptive to your advice, and you are close enough to have this level of honesty with them.</p>
<p>Well, in my family we’re tacky enough that sisters give each other bridal showers, but hypocritical enough that we include all the bridesmaids’ names as hostesses, lest people think we’re 100 percent tacky. (I would put a smiley here but I just can’t bring myself to do those awful new emoticons). No baby showers for my kids yet, but sisters in our extended family have been known to host those as well.</p>
<p>As to throwing oneself a shower, baby or bridal - I’ve never run across one of those. I would go and bring a nice gift unless I actually disliked the person, though.</p>
<p>I’ve been to many showers where some help was most likely given behind the scenes. But hosting has always been about more than just paying, it’s also greeting guests and taking care of them on the day as well as helping plan the event. Just because you pay doesn’t automatically mean you are host and vice versa.</p>
<p>But yes, I’ve seen many people plan and run the whole thing in reality, while using the name of good friends for the RSVPs. Entertaining is expensive,Is the justification, but some of these events have also turned into much, much bigger deals than showers were ever meant to be , ie fully catered, country club or restaurant receptions, with big ticket items on the registry, gift soliciting type of events. </p>
<p>It’s never happened, but of course I would attend the shower in the OP, if it was a close friend or relative’s D. I would not necessarily assume the worst of her unless other signs pointed to the same, only that she had been given bad advice or she is young and oblivious. Though it 's a bit harder to maintain ignorance when all you have to do is google.</p>
<p>I still think you would be doing her a kindness to let her know that it is not considered becoming to throw yourself a shower. That is, if she refuses to let you do it.</p>
<p>I gave a baby shower for one friend of mine. Another friend gave a shower for me. Both were coed and fun. Neither of us had mothers or other female relatives in the vicinity. Honestly, I would not have found it tacky for a mother or aunt or sister to give a shower. (Of course, it also would never have occurred to any of us to have a registry for a baby, OR to have a shower at a restaurant or country club. We held them at our homes.)</p>
<p>Proud grandmas are sometimes eager to throw the shower…I think it’s sweet and not tacky in the least. Same with Aunts. </p>
<p>I’d go to the shower and bring the same gift no matter who was hosting. It’s not the baby’s fault that mom is young and a bit socially clueless. Of maybe we old ladies are just stick in the mud types who are hanging on to an old fashioned sense of propriety that is no longer relevant. Times are a’changing? </p>
<p>Maybe she doesn’t want to impose on anyone. Why does it make a difference? It is a gathering of family and friends and people who care about her. I think anything goes these days. Why judge her. Just support her and offer to bring some food or decorations.</p>
<p>Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that her goal is to solicit gifts for herself. In essence all showers are a chance for people to gather and celebrate and bring gifts. Why does it matter that it will be at her home. Along the lines of this thinking, is it okay for the shower to be thrown by another to solicit gifts. Whether the shower is at her home or someone else’s, people will bring gifts.</p>
<p>Because hosting a “shower” for yourself (i.e. shower the person with gifts) is doing exactly that. I get that being overly concerned with social “rules” just for the sake of rules is too much, which is why I don’t see a family member hosting a shower as being a huge problem. But “anything goes these days” is just the opposite end of the spectrum as being ridiculously rigid with regard to manners or traditions. Sorry, “come to my house and give me presents” is just poor form.</p>
^^^</p>