<p>In my family and group of friends, it is normal for the bride’s mother or pregnant woman’s mother to throw both bridal shower and baby shower. These are relatively small, low key events inviting close family and close friends only. Maybe a room in a restaurant booked for a lunch buffet, or lunch at someones house if they have the space. You would not throw a shower for yourself, and you only get one baby shower for first baby-- though close relatives may send gifts anyway for later children. If my mom didn’t throw my shower, no one else would throw one-- and would be bewildered that my mom isn’t, it’s what is expected. Different strokes I guess. Sometimes weird situations come into play, too. My mom and sister are “co-hosting” my bridal shower, since my sister wanted to host but is 20, broke, and could absolutely not handle throwing an adult party by herself. My mom didn’t even want her to handle the RSVPs and did not want the entire family calling my sister grilling her for information. Everyone expected my mom to do it anyway, it is just what’s done.</p>
<p>Something I have learned from planning my wedding is that while certain things are tacky, it is also tacky to drag people into arguments to preach to them that they are being tacky. In my family’s case, EVERYONE believes it is mom’s responsibility to host bridal shower or baby shower for her grandchild-- I think it is less tacky to do what is normal and expected to my audience than it is to lecture them all about what Miss Manner’s says about their family traditions. That’s not my place.</p>
<p>If I knew this girl, I’d wince at her planning her own shower, but I understand that it might be painful for her if nobody else will host for her, so I am sympathetic even if I don’t approve. If I were close enough to her that it would be appropriate, I would offer to host it for her with her input about what she wants. If she were hellbent on hosting herself, and she was a good friend, I’d probably raise an eyebrow but I’d still go. If not a good friend, I’d not go and let the matter drop if it’s so offensive, not worth holding onto. Even if I don’t approve it isn’t as though I’d be mortally offended, this is small potatoes to me. It says something about the girl, I think, if she knows this is inappropriate and is determined to do it anyway even when others have offered to host, but that something isn’t important enough for me to get in a snit about it.</p>