<p>I’ve been separated for several years and am about to be legally divorced. Something I am wondering about is changing my name back to my maiden name. We were married 20+ years ago and everything is in my married name - SS#, passport, driver’s license, utility bills, credit cards…everything.</p>
<p>If I want my attorney to include a name change in my divorce decree the court will automatically grant it, if she doesn’t ask then I have to go through a somewhat more complex process to do it later. </p>
<p>I am a little ambivalent about the change. My kids have my married name. I am known professionally (self employed/freelance biz) by my married name. I just recently renewed my passport and DL. </p>
<p>And yet I think I’d like my family name back at some point, if not immediately. My question to CC parents is this: Have you done tis pas part of divorce or later and how much more difficult/expensive was the latter?</p>
<p>Did anyone do it or not do it and have some regret about it that you’d be willing to share? Basically I’m looking for practical reasons to do it now or not from anyone who’s been there. Many thanks.</p>
<p>We filed for divorce after 30+ years. I actually asked my kids if I should change my name back. Both kids said no. They wanted me to have the same last name as them. I am known for my name professionally. By keeping my married name, I also won’t have to let my business associates know about my personal life. I really just don’t see any upside in changing my name back to my maiden name.</p>
<p>I’m not divorced nor plan on it, but honestly I’d keep my married name. I’ve had it longer than my maiden name, it’s nicer / easier / shorter than my maiden name. Since I was adopted by a stepfather, I was born with 1 last name but grew up with another, so they don’t have all that much meaning - they’re just names. </p>
<p>If your last name means that much to you, then change it, but I’d say just keep it. Everything you have is in that name. You’re identity and memorability is tied into that name. Your children have that name. </p>
<p>My ex and I did change our name to his natural father’s name after we were married because his mother got divorced from his stepfather. It wasn’t hard. My lawyer brother in law did it for us. It was more of a pain in the neck to change our SS, credit cards, passport, etc. And, ever after, we always had to show the name change document whenever we wanted to apply for any legal document.</p>
<p>My sister was pretty young, living in a small town, and was not a professional so she went back to the original name. At the time, she asked her lawyer about it and he told her there was no need for legal steps as it was still her official name in the eyes of the government. </p>
<p>She recently got remarried in her early 50s and did not take on her new husband’s last name. She has a lot of career contacts across the country at this point. </p>
<p>My sister inlaw has her 1st husbands name.
They were married a long time and she established herself professionally with that name. She remarried, but kept her 1st husbands name, which was just as well as that marriage didnt last for as long as she was single.</p>
<p>I cant speak to the expense, but my suggestion would be to start using your maiden name as your middle name, then when you are ready, you can drop your married name.</p>
<p>That’s an interesting idea @emeraldkity4. I <em>have</em> a middle name and it’s more of a family name than most - my mom, grandmom and great-grandmom all have it as does my daughter. It was my mom’s way of passing on her family name. </p>
<p>Not that it’s a huge deal but my freelance biz is actually called “My-Married-Name Consulting”. Only relevant as a dba for my bank account as I’m a sole proprietor, so I suppose I could keep it even if I do change my own name.</p>
<p>Lots to think about, thanks for all the thoughts so far.</p>
<p>My first 2 books were under my maiden name, so I never wanted to shift. Good thing, as my son’s FA bailed on us. My son has my name, which made my father very happy. Its a traditional name, going back 2,000+ years. </p>
<p>OTOH, my cousin has changed her last name several times, and it has not effected her professional life. </p>
<p>I do not think there is a right or wrong; it is just a matter of personal comfort. </p>
<p>My dad’s 2nd wife had been divorced twice before marrying him. She had the last name of her 2nd husband (or maybe her 1st, I’m not sure) – any way, the same name as the man who fathered her 4 kids. She was established professionally with that name, so had kept it post-divorce – and did not take on my father’s name when she married him. (She passed away a few years ago and now my father is on wife #3, who has chosen to go the hyphenated route with her first husband/second husband’s name). </p>
<p>I kept my maiden name when I married – didn’t want the hassle of printing new business cards or changing details with the state bar - and it never was an issue with my kids either while I was married or after I split from their father. The kids have their father’s last name. So I would say, just stick with whatever name you are most comfortable with & like the best. I do think that with all the paperwork involved these days, it seems like a bigger hassle than its worth for an established adult to change names (credit cards, bank accounts, multiple forms of ID, voter registration, etc. )</p>
<p>“I’m not divorced nor plan on it, but honestly I’d keep my married name. I’ve had it longer than my maiden name, it’s nicer / easier / shorter than my maiden name.”</p>
<p>I second this. If you like the name, are known professionally by that name, your kids have the same name, you do not want your colleagues/clients to ask too many questions… Keep it. I would.</p>
<p>I’m one of those people who kept their own name when they got married, so I can understand the desire to have your own name back. At the same time, changing your name when it is your business identity obviously presents problems. The rest of the stuff is a PITA, but not as much of an issue. (You may have been through part of this already, since you have been separated for a while.) Your kids can adjust to you having a different last name: I have many friends who kept their own names and their kids, with one exception, have their father’s last name.</p>
<p>How far are you from retirement? You could change it then, perhaps. In the meantime, introducing yourself as Jane Smith of Jones Consulting is not a huge deal–you can answer to both–but it will more of less inform all of your existing contacts that you have gotten divorced, if that matters to you. </p>
<p>My sister-in-law kept her married name after divorce because it was the same as her son’s. Now she has remarried and son is older, and she changed it to the new husband’s. Her(and my H)'s mother also kept married name after divorce to have the same as kids. So I guess it’s a family habit.</p>
<p>The trouble of changing all those documents was why I kept my maiden name in the first place. If you like the name, and it doesn’t make you feel badly every time you hear it, and are known professionally by it, it seems like you might as well keep it.</p>
<p>I actually planned to keep my maiden name but when it came time to sign off, I chickened out. I wish I had, sort of…I like my maiden name but I like my married one too. I’m afraid my maiden name is going to end with me and my sibs…they don’t have kids and mine have my ex’s name. That makes me kind of sad, not that I was planning to have more kids and give them that name but…</p>
<p>There’s no one else in your extended family that has your maiden name? No siblings of your grandparents who might have their own branch going on?</p>
<p>In our very extended family (my second cousins+), yes. But my dad has only one sister and she changed her name when she got married and her kids have that one. I am the only one of my sibs who had kids and they don’t have it. I don’t know the second+ cousins very well, they live in a different state and I’ve only met them once, maybe twice.</p>
<p>We divorced when D was six, so I kept the married name so we would have the same surname while she was growing up. I changed it last year when she was a college sophomore. </p>
<p>I had to fill out a form, have it notarized, pay a small fee, and provide a copy of the divorce decree and birth certificate. I also had to appear in-person in front of a judge. The judge treated it like a silly formality. He never even looked up from the papers. Two weeks later, I had an official document from the court which I used as evidence to change my ss card, drivers license and nursing license. I still have credit cards in both names. One credit card company changed the name on my card after a quick phone call! </p>
<p>It was very liberating to finally have my own very ethnic name back! </p>
<p>I’ve been married (and divorced) twice. I missed my last name after my first divorce so when I remarried, I officially made my maiden name my middle name. Since it is still part of my name and the kids were young when we divorced, I didn’t change it when I got divorced again. Name changes are a real pain. I still have a utility bill in my first married name because I changed it once but then they merged with another company who had my old info and it reverted back. They want all the paperwork again to change it again. I haven’t bothered. </p>
<p>It’s a hassle to change your name but if it is really important to you, then do it :)</p>