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<p>That’s exactly what a friend of mine did. Others I know have kept the married name for the reasons already given in prior posts.</p>
<p>Do people who use it as a middle name and already have one just use 4 names?</p>
<p>Meredith Baxter Birney returned to being Meredith Baxter after she and Birney were divorced. (She also has a middle name, but didn’t use that professionally).</p>
<p>I liked my maiden and was happy to go back to it. The change over with documents etc was however a PITA.</p>
<p>Actually Meredith Baxter had a hyphenated last name, like Farrah Fawcett-Majors, and unlike Courtney Cox Arquette.</p>
<p>We have friends who kept their own names and decided to give their female children her last name and their male children his last name. They did this but when they had a second daughter rather than a son, they backed off and gave that D dad’s last name so there was one of each.</p>
<p>A relative of mine did a hyphenated last name with his wife but shortened his original last name so the hyphenated name is just two syllables, and frankly kind of catchy because it rhymes. Their kids have that hypehenated/shortened name as well. </p>
<p>All kinds of ways to do it out there.</p>
<p>But if I want my maiden name as a second middle name do I just start using it or do I need to do something legal about that? It seems awfully long, my first name and maiden name are multiple syllables each…</p>
<p>I never changed my name to my husbands with both of us agreeing. ( H actually now says he suggested it. I say he rewrites history.) It never presented major problems. But it has always been a minor issue. Confusion for kids friends as to what to call me (kids have Dad’s last name), confusion with some benefits that overlap ( health/dental), and others.<br>
Overall not a problem and a benefit in our jobs. Interestingly, we just came back from a vacation to Spain and it may have been an issue. I was definitely signaled out leaving Spain. And coming into the US, I was asked at customs if we were husband and wife?</p>
<p>But I am very happy to be known as the same name I was given at birth until I die. And it is easier if you divorce.</p>
<p>I was married for 14 years and resumed the use of my maiden name on my divorce. It didn’t seem to confuse anyone, but I’d been using my maiden name as my middle name professionally so most folks who met me after my marriage still recognized my name. My married name was too long and almost everyone had trouble spelling and pronouncing it. I think my young D would have greatly preferred to share a last name with me, because everyone would call me Mrs. D’s-last-name at school functions anyway. But I’m much happier with my 4-letter, easily-pronounced, and only rarely misspelled maiden name. </p>
<p>I’d recommend that you do whatever feels right to you. I do recall feeling very resentful changing my name when I married and going through the hassle of getting new credit cards, checks, etc. But it was clear that keeping my maiden name then was going to cause issues with my now X. Perhaps that should have been my first clue…</p>
<p>I love keeping my name for simplicity sake, my name was already on several deeds of a few houses. I would have to change and undo/redo the deeds, too much trouble.</p>
<p>For anyone interested… Scroll to p 30 for the article on different perspectives on keeping v changing last name:</p>
<p><a href=“Wellesley magazine, summer 2014 by Wellesley College Alumnae Association - Issuu”>Wellesley magazine, summer 2014 by Wellesley College Alumnae Association - Issuu;
<p>I’m not divorced, and I have been married over 30 years, but I wish I’d kept my maiden name. As someone mentioned, I’ve lost my ethnic identity, and my married name is longer, hard to pronounce, and hard to spell. I go by my first name/maiden name/married name, so I’ve lost my middle name, but no one really notices the maiden name. I have many publications and they are all in my married name, so I’m really stuck with it now. </p>
<p>I never changed my name- professional already with degrees and licensure et al. But- I said if H’s name had been significantly shorter I would have (I don’t believe in hyphenating either- 20 letters plus a hyphen is way too long). Both H and I have longish ethnic names- people don’t take the time to easily do his phonetically, mine they panic at the common ethnic letter groupings (which have been Americanized over the generations). </p>
<p>There is no Mrs. me, nor Miss- Ms. or Dr. will do. Mrs. H is my mother in law, not me. Especially when it’s Dr. H it better be Dr. me. I don’t care what so called social protocols society ladies may think are proper- those were set up when women only had status because of their husbands. I hate that women are identified by marital status while men are not.</p>
<p>Yes, it sometimes is harder to say I’m me, mother of kid H. I let it slide when son’s friends called me Mrs. H- they were being polite.</p>
<p>Your answer. It depends on the name. Your kids may object to a change now but you hopefully will be around many decades. If it helps you to get rid of baggage go through with the change. There is no reason to be reminded of your past marriage with every time your last name is used. Plus, there are enough women of your generation who never changed their names to begin with that it isn’t a clue as to your marital status with kids having a different last name. Four professional married couples on our street have two names per household. Many women physicians use the name they had when the got the MD. Oh- and I quit wearing my wedding ring when it became too tight to easily remove at home everyday- H is Indian and only wore his about two weeks, my sister removes hers at home- we don’t like much jewelry.</p>
<p>I was happy to change my very uncommon (at least in the US) and hard to pronounce (by virtue of its spelling) Hispanic last name to what I thought was a very easy vanilla last name. Unfortunately, if you don’t look closely at my last name, you assume it is another more common last name which differs by only one consonant. People RARELY EVER get my name right. Even at my daughters’ schools they got it wrong on programs and even the graduation program, even though they have built in protections to prevent that: each girl is given a card with her name printed on it. If it is correct, you initial, if not, you correct. Many times when it was correct and initialed, the person transferring the correct name would incorrectly change it to the more common last name. I was so annoyed when this happened to D1’s graduation program. For D2, I personally called the Head Master of her upper school and he made it his mission to make sure it didn’t happen again. </p>
<p>Anyway, moral of the story is I think people actually got my maiden name right more often than the married name, and that is saying a lot.</p>
<p>wis, we are identical in wearing wedding rings. My husband and I put the gold bands in the safe deposit box immediately after the wedding ring. I occasionally wore the rock for a few weeks to impress the secretary and such. I also put in away only took out occasionally to wear when I go to a wedding. Honestly have not worn any rings for years.</p>
<p>My last name is difficult for most people, even though it is actually pronounced just as it is spelled. My H’s last name is one simple syllable, and very nice. I never considered changing my name for a moment. I offered to let him hyphenate, but oddly enough he declined! 
S has his father’s last name, with mine as one of his middles (H’s idea). Although it is his legal name, it has ended up being dropped in practice. I really have never cared whether S and I have the same last name. In my circles, it is very common for the mother to have kept her own name. It just isn’t an issue. If kids called me Mrs. H, I never thought of correcting them. Just not a big deal. I know who I am, so do their parents. :)</p>
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<p>Regarding the usual tradition of giving the kids the father’s surname…</p>
<p>I have known some people (all men) who changed or considered changing their surnames due to having a better relationship with their mothers than their fathers.</p>
<p>An old boyfriend took his mom’s maiden name in high school for that very reason.</p>
<p>As far as using middle name. Just be careful on travel stuff. It must match exactly. Exactly. </p>
<p>My (now ex- and now late) husband and I both hyphenated (and both had identical silver and turquoise engagement rings and identical plain gold wedding bands.) My professional licensure, publications, etc are all with the hyphenated name so I never changed when we divorced. Now what I do is when it’s either professional or being mom or need the legal name I use the hyphenated one, if it’s just about me (like on FB) I use my maiden name.</p>
<p>“I have known some people (all men) who changed or considered changing their surnames due to having a better relationship with their mothers than their fathers.”</p>
<p>… which is usually the mother’s father’s name, rather than the mother’s mother’s name (and even so, the mother’s mother’s name is typically HER father’s name) … which is why it’s all patriarchal anyway!</p>