bad news on difficult son

<p>well I have since come to learn that my son never returned to school several weeks ago, instead was hiding out at my sister's house when she was away working, with his cousin. And of course he didn't drop or withdraw from his classes, or officially "quit" school or anything that would involve a modicum of intelligence or actual comtemplation about the consequences of his actions. He just didn't go back, and didn't bother to tell anybody who has taken out parent loans or co-signed college loans for him. Just didn't go back. so, in just four lousy months he could have graduated with little debt and a degree, instead he will have several failing marks on his college record, and absolutely no understanding of what he has done.</p>

<p>I feel your pain......and pray he grows up soon.</p>

<p>He should still be able to drop all of his classes, most colleges set the drop date pretty late so kids can take the first test and then drop depending on how well they think they did.</p>

<p>wow...wonder if he was so afraid of leaving and the "real" world</p>

<p>is there any chance, if he can pull it together, to go back, and take an extra semester? and not lose all he has done...I mean, maybe a summer of working hard will help him get his priorities straight</p>

<p>good luck and this sounds like a HUGE cry for help, I am going PM with a story</p>

<p>i'd check the academic calendar. you might have a chance to drop those courses. </p>

<p>i have a son that did not go back this semester--even after much discussion of different options. he will be returning in the fall--that was the agreement we could come to terms with.</p>

<p>as my mom always used to say "little kids, little problems"</p>

<p>anyway, good luck to you and your son. it is not an easy thing to be a parent.</p>

<p>I am sorry that your son saw this as his only way out. Now that you know what is going on you can give him a big hug and let help him know that you are there for him. </p>

<p>The nest task is to find out what he needs to do in so he does not permanently damage his record. </p>

<p>If his head is not into going to school at this time, that is one thing. As other parents have suggested, I would look up the academic calendar to see what is the last day to drop with out penalty. You may not get the money back, but your son will one day have the opportuntity to go back and finish those last classes.</p>

<p>I beleive that once you get through the frustration of the situation, you will be able to help him work things out.</p>

<p>good luck to all of you</p>

<p>I was afraid to read this thread after the turmoil evident in the last one.
I am glad that "all" that happened , is that he screwed up his academic transcript.
It sounds like he is hitting bottom- I hope he can find help to get back up again.
Best wishes to you and your family
( plus I would come off on the school and your sister for not notifying you- if my kid disappeared for 2 weeks- what if something had * happened*? what if she had been dumped somewhere? if the student has signed something authorizing information to be given to the parents- there is no excuse not to notify them if the student just drops out of sight.
I don't know what to tell you about your sister :(</p>

<p>So sorry to hear this news amith1.</p>

<p>You probably went over this in your last thread, but your son is the age when serious mental illness manifests itself. I'd say that his last move is a sign of deep depression. Also, worryingly, the move also indicates something of a break with reality.</p>

<p>My brother has severe bi-polar disease. He struggled (socially not academically) through college and made it all the way to graduation. My parents went up to watch him graduate and he turned on them, refusing to attend the ceremonies and attacking them. It was the beginning of his first complete breakdown. He ended up in a mental ward a few weeks later. </p>

<p>If possible, your son should see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. The smarter the psychiatrist the better. In the past fewyears, my brother has had one of the country's leading authorities and he has been in much better health since. I was able to get him into this doc by asking my academic medical friends for a favour. </p>

<p>Cyber hugs to you amith....</p>

<p>


</p>

<p>Man that totally sucks. I will do my best to never tell another bipolar joke again.</p>

<p>Amith, I am so sorry this has happened this way.</p>

<p>I can tell you are exceptionally angry (understandable) and incredibly discouraged, saddened and feeling hopeless. What can you do?</p>

<p>IMO, yes, check to see if your son can still withdraw, but otherwise, do nothing. You need some time to take the edge off your feelings.</p>

<p>I'm so sorry, Amith. I've read the saga and had nothing useful to say. Still don't. But sympathies.</p>

<p>amith:</p>

<p>I am so sorry to hear this. Please try to arrange for counseling for yourself and your son. While you are trying to deal with your anger and disappointment, there may be something more to your son's behavior that needs to be looked into and addressed. My heart goes out to both of you.</p>

<p>{{{{{{{{amith}}}}}}}}~</p>

<p>I am sooooooooooooo sorry that you are dealing with this situation. I can only imagine your sense of disappointment over this event that seems so inexplicable to you. As others have said, I urge you to embrace your son with love and understanding despite his irresponsible behavior. Counseling would be a good start, I think.</p>

<p>Please know that I will be holding you and your son in my thoughts.</p>

<p>Keep us posted. ~berurah</p>

<p>amith1--my heart sank when I saw the title of this thread. I am so sorry to hear this. I know this is very disappointing to you and that the financial consequences here are difficult. I think that your son must be suffering immensely, though, to go to this extreme. People who do things like this usually are. Hugs to both of you.</p>

<p>Ughh--what happened to my post??</p>

<p>Amith1,
perhaps he/you can talk to the school about incompletes? Independent study? some vehicle to not end up failing? medical leave? perhaps the al-anon approach will be helpful..... let go and let god? one day at a time? saying a prayer for your peace of mind... I suspect you will have a lot of angst and the only thing you can control in life is your attitude........</p>

<p>Definitely speak with the school about a medical withdrawal asap. In some circumstances that can work up until the very end of the semester. Our thoughts are with you. Take care.</p>

<p>If most of the $$ responsibility is going to fall on the parent in this situation - It would be appropriate for the parent to talk to the school about a withdrawal for medical reasons for this semester - which should keep his GPA intact - and prevent the possibility of failings on the transcript. - so that when things are resolved - he may be able to complete his degree in the future.</p>

<p>It certainly sounds as tho this boy needs some support - and at the very least to see a doctor. Depression can rear its nasty head in many ways - and it sounds as tho he may need some professional support to figure out what is going on - which may help mom and dad to understand as well. </p>

<p>There is a reason this is happening - and from the other post on this guy - it sure sounded as tho he was a pretty miserable kid. And that mom and dad are not very happy either - lots of pressure on this guy - so please do something sooner - rather than later to get him the help he needs to figure things out.</p>

<p>Good Luck to you and your family in all of this.</p>

<p>Amith, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's situation. But I have to say, my mother had a phrase -- where there's life, there's hope. When things look really bad, keep in mind that they probably can't get much worse -- and though disappointing, this isn't really the end of the world. You might try looking at this situation as an opportunity to really explore some important issues with your son, probably with the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. I would definitely try to get an appointment with your family physician ASAP to see if you can get the name of a qualified therapist. I know you must be very discouraged -- I would be too. But I'm sure you are also thinking about how unhappy your son must be. You will be in the prayers of many of us in cyberspace.</p>

<p>amith, I'm sorry to hear your news. I haven't been able to keep up with most threads lately so I missed the previous news so don't have any advice. I did have one VERY difficult son too and I can at least empathize with the difficult child part. I hope all works out.</p>