I have a half-sister (same father); due to a story way longer than this post, we have only met about 5 times in our lives, all as adults – so we weren’t raised together, don’t really know each other, etc. The last time we met was about 4 years ago when I was in her area for a business trip and we had dinner together. (She lives in the DC area and I live in Illinois.) The rest of our relationship is mostly Facebook-based; we like one another’s posts, that type of thing. I did attend her wedding 15 years ago. I have met her husband once and have never met her children; she’s never met my husband and she met my children once about 10 years ago. I like her just fine and I think we would have been closer if circumstances had been different, but they are what they are.
In any case. She invited me to the bar / bat mitzvah of her son and daughter. This was a nice outreach on her part and it feels sincere (not a gift grab). I have a conflict and am not able to go, but I’d like to get something particularly special for the occasion. Yes, I know all about money being customary and the multiples of $18 and all, so I don’t really need to be reminded of that; I’m looking for something that is just a bit more meaningful and permanent. Yet I don’t really want to get Judaica for the kids either - because let’s face it, 13 yo’s really don’t want yet another set of Shabbat candlesticks or Havdalah cups or Star of David necklaces. The thing is, I don’t know these kids beyond what I see their mother post on Facebook - that they won a soccer match or whatever! I don’t know if their party has a theme – it’s a Havdalah service on a Saturday night at a “nice” hotel and nothing in the invitation gives me a clue as to whether there is a theme going on.
I’m feeling terribly non-creative here. Thoughts, suggestions? Don’t worry about price range - I’m just looking to spark creativity right now. I am likely to do both a check and a gift.
This is hard, as you don’t know the kids. If a Havdalah service in a hotel, I suspect not too religious. Are they into sports? I’ve given gym bags before. For girls of really close friends, I’ve given bracelets (1 with semi,precious stones, another simple Tiffany). I gave a watch to best friends son, but at a place he could exchange. I also received and gave shares of stock, in a company the kids know, like Home Depot, Intel, Disney.
Bar/bat mitzvah? Does she have twins just like you do? I would consult with your kids: ask them what kind of gift they would keep from the time they were that age.
It was nice of her to call and want you to share in the special day. In all honesty, I’d stick to money and not waste time agonizing about it. If you knew the kids well, I might say otherwise but given the circumstances, best to play it save. Sometimes I give both a check and a small part ($50 or so) as an amazon card with a note saying that you hope the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be able to buy something he/she wants with the gift card – that is usually appreciated – at least by the kid!
BB - no, hers are not twins like mine (wouldn’t that be something?) - they are a year apart but she’s combining them into one service / party. My kids are of no help as they just say cash!
Why would you feel the need to send something other than money? They don’t know you, so it is not going to be meaningful to them. It is not as if they will have warm and fuzzy feelings about you when they see or use the gift.
Sending money is a very nice and unnecessary gesture, but trying to find the universal generic gift that is both appropriate to the event and likely to be liked by any 13 year old seems like an impossible task.
Giving $$ is the best/easiest way to go. I have done it with family and acquaintances. It really is the expectation. But if you really want to go out of your way see if she can tell you what her child enjoys and gift something along those lines. I wish I had better ideas for you.
I think a few shares of stock would make a good gift, unfortunately, many companies did away with issuing paper stock certificates. I think Disney does some online DRIP type of an investment plan ($250 min, I believe), but it might be a hassle to start a custodial account which this one has to be.
Thanks all. I think the reason I’m overthinking it is that for my kids’ bnai mitzvah 10 years ago, she crafted really pretty personalized sign- in books (she’s the scrapbooking type), it was really sweet and it touched me, so I kind of feel I want to do something personalized but I don’t have crafty skills!
There’s a great website with personalized gifts that aren’t too expensive. We had several years in a row where we were ordering from them regularly. Both my kids received items from here - the framed, personalized print referencing the name, date of event, and a quote from the Torah portion and, although we are not very religious (especially not the kids), they actually both thought it was great. They are hanging in each bedroom. ganeydn.com
For my g/f, with kids combined Bar Mitzvahs, I bought each a star named for them. I had the certificates framed. These people had more stuff than anyone I know.
The kids will probably be happiest with cash. I’m just ornery enough to, order a tree in Israel, with a check.
What galls me is when it takes months to cash my check for $100 plus. And no thank u note.
You’re probably all right. I gave my “real” nieces and nephew (meaning those I have seen grow up!) money so I don’t know why I’m dithering over this. I like the addition of the tree in Israel or a small Amazon cars. Maybe I just need to find awesome cards! Maybe Pinterest or Etsy will have something inspirational!
I would consult with your kids: ask them what kind of gift they would keep from the time they were that age.