<p>D2 was invited to a Bat Mitzvah kids party for a friend of hers from one of her ECs. They do not live in the same townr, and only see each other at the EC (several hours a week). We honestly have never been invited to a Bar Mitzvah or a Bat Mitzvah before, since we are not Jewish and there are very few Jewish people in our town. D2 wants to get her an gift that is appropriate, but we have no idea where to start. I hear that cash is always welcome, but is it expected for friends to give cash?</p>
<p>In my experience (Jewish in a very Jewish town), cash is given primarily from adults to the Bat Mitzvah. Friends will often give a girl a small piece of jewelry or gift cards.</p>
<p>Is there something that relates to the EC that your daughter could give? That would be quite an appropriate and thoughtful gift. For example, my D is a dancer. The only gift we really remember (and remember the donor!) is the friend who paid for a couple of private dance lessons at her studio. Those lessons helped her get en pointe!</p>
<p>Has she been invited to the Bat Mitzvah service too? Or just the party? Is the party during the afternoon or evening? If she doesn’t know the girl that well cash is usually given…like SteveMA said in multiples of $18 (which is Chai, meaning life in Hebrew), like a check for $36 or $54…sometimes a small gift could be appropriate too like a small piece of jewelry or a jewelry box or a giftcard to a young girl’s clothing boutique or a few movie tickets or giftcard to iTunes…</p>
<p>If they are just acquaintences, she can probably spend less than $36 just by going into a store and buying her a necklace/earring set or a pretty scarf…or a check for $36 would be more than enough imo.</p>
<p>She was invited to the evening kids party. The mom wrote a very detailed separate note explaining that she didn’t expect the kids to attend the service, due to weekend committments of activities, but if she wanted to attend, she gave the time and place of the service. The funny thing is that despite all of the details about the party, they forgot to put the actual date on the invitation! D2 did ask the friend, so we know the date now.</p>
<p>They FORGOT to put the date on the invitation? Who does that? Isn’t that like one of the most important details of an invitation? Yikes. I cannot even imagine inviting so many guests and forgetting to include the date.</p>
<p>If your D has never been to a Bat Mitzvah service before, she might go just to see what it’s all about…you can join her…if it’s a reform service, chances are it’ll be about an hour and a half…if it’s conservative, you’re looking at a 3 hour service…(remember Gilligan’s Island…a 3 hour tour? :D)</p>
<p>In defense of the mom, who is very sweet, I think she did the invitations herself. She knew the date, and it was an oversight on her part. When I RSVPed, she started out by apologizing for leaving the date off the invite. </p>
<p>Common gift giving practice tends to be regional - I never realized how much until I read some of the CC threads on this topic. So, IMO your best bet is to ask around locally. I’ve lived in several areas including this one where checks or money are the most common - my kids got only a tiny handful of actual gifts. Amounts ranged from $36 to 50/54 back then. Some gave more - as I recall no one gave less than 36. Today the average gift from kid to kid in my area is probably closer to 50. As with a wedding, finances and the closeness of relationship are factors. </p>
<p>Here, it is considered poor form to skip a service for trivial reasons and it would be unheard of for a host to explicitly tell anyone not to attend.</p>
<p>Where we live, kids invited to another kid’s bat mitzvah usually give more or less the same sort of thing they would have given as a 13th birthday gift. Perhaps a gift card, a necklace or earrings, etc. The amount spent would be about what is the “going rate” for a birthday gift, maybe a little more.</p>
<p>$54 would be exceedingly generous from a child guest in this area. It would not be in, say, NY/NJ. It would not be an inappropriate gift from an adult guest in my area, but I gather it would be regarded as somewhat on the low side in other parts of the country.</p>
<p>Religious Jew here-- in my experience (in 7th/8th grade I went to a b’nei mitzvah almost every single weekend) cash is virtually expected. $36 is standard-- not particularly generous, but average and normal. The venue should be taken into account, though. If it’s a black tie affair or Saturday night at a nice venue, $54 might be more appropriate.</p>
<p>Here in Nassau County when both my d’s were bat-mitvah and were in their bat-mitzvah year circuit, $36 was standard gift and $54 for those that were better friends. Of course if entire family was invited, higher amount. Older d is now 27, younger d is now 24…</p>
<p>We always give money to our Jewish relatives’ and friends’ Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. But “kid to kid” can be different. The kids know that the adults in their lives will give them money, so they probably like the fact that their peers give them some “thing”.</p>
<p>Boy, its expensive being a Jewish. Just being invited to the bat mitzvahs every week will cost you 50 bucks, that alone is over $2,000 a year, not counting other events and there are many in Jewish religion.</p>
<p>I think so too. I found it a little off-putting to learn that, in some communities, the kids are routinely handing each other envelopes with checks. I know that is the local custom, but if it is NOT the custom in your locality, it’s odd.</p>
<p>For my bat mitzvah, back in the stone age, I received from my friends such gifts as an Olivia Newton-John album, necklaces, and earrings. These seem appropriate gifts from one seventh-grader to another.</p>
<p>Leave the cash gifts and the Judaica to adult guests, IMHO.</p>
<p>“Boy, its expensive being a Jewish. Just being invited to the bat mitzvahs every week will cost you 50 bucks, that alone is over $2,000 a year, not counting other events and there are many in Jewish religion.”</p>
<p>I was just happy I had a boy and he didn’t outgrow his blazer. Parents of girls have to buy a ton of party dresses for “the season.” </p>
<p>There were some weekends he had 2 or 3 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and our Jewish community isn’t nearly as large as the ones in downstate NY.</p>
<p>Disagree that giving money, which most commonly goes toward education savings and charity, both in keeping with nature of the occasion, is any odder than a gift card for videogames or jewelry.</p>