<p>S is invited to one. We’ve never been to one. It’s for a classmate he doesn’t know really well. I’m assuming a gift is in order. What is appropriate?</p>
<p>What part of the country are you from? Many people will give a money gift in a denomination which is a multiple of the number 18. $18,$36, etc. The number 18 means “Life” in Hebrew. You could give a gift card to a bookstore. Some girls get lots of jewelry.</p>
<p>We don’t like to give money. That’s just me. We often give chess sets.</p>
<p>Texas. My older son never got invited to a single one. I have a feeling my younger, more social son will get many invites.</p>
<p>I like the 18 symbolism. I’ll mention that to him.</p>
<p>So, there is the morning ceremony, which is formal. And then there is a party in the evening. Do you take the gift to the ceremony or party?</p>
<p>Agree with momoof3. Both of our daughters were invited to many of those events when they were 13. We always gave money (fresh, newly printed) to their friends, except if they were close friends, then we bought special gifts. Our kids didn’t go to any services, except for close friends.</p>
<p>My daughter also was invited to one recently and she did not even know this person well. This is a guy. Not sure what to do?</p>
<p>mythmom, we would also give specific gifts rather than $$ to kids we knew really well. Our custom is to bring the gift to the party in the evening. Some synagogues would strongly prefer that gifts not be brought to religious services. Please have your child go to the service. It is really the most important part of the day. The Bat Mitzvah girl will undoubtedly be participating in the service in one way or another. Also, the kids will probably be somewhat dressed up in the evening for the party. You should ask around what your local custom is.</p>
<p>I’d definitely like to attend the service as I have never been to a service in a synagogue. Educational for me!</p>
<p>The evening event is a little confusing. I wish I had the invite in front of me, but it said something about having to be barefoot, in socks or athletic shoes in order to participate in the sports events. So that makes me think dress is really casual for the evening party. I guess I’m going to have to break down and call the parents.</p>
<p>FYI, I got a PM about the usual gift amount. Being in Texas, I don’t think the going rate would be as high as in a big Northeastern town. But, also, he doesn’t know the girl that well and I would not be at all inclined to give a huge monetary gift just to keep up with Joneses. How much do those of you who have been to many before think is customary?</p>
<p>Just give whatever is comfortable to your wallet. We live in the Northeast, and have heard of many different gift amounts. Last year I drove some kids to a Bat Mitzvah, and some said that their parents gave $20, while a couple of girls brought gifts from Coach and Tiffany!!!</p>
<p>I agree with chocoholic. We are from the NE as my name suggests. My guess is that an average gift from a child in the NE for a more formal event would be around $40 (some giving $25, and others giving $75). It sounds like this party might be a real kid’s party (meaning hot dogs and pizza, rather than a sushi bar to be followed by a 5 star meal), but it might be very upscale with children’s entertainment too.</p>
<p>$18 is fine and would show that you cared enough to inquire as to what might be an appropriate gift. If you wanted to give more, $20 or $25 would be a nice gift. There is really no right or wrong, but the kids really do like to receive money.</p>
<p>Having had 3 kids go through this the gifts definitely varied. From $18 to $100. The majority of the cash gifts were in the 20-40 range. I think it does vary from area to area. A gift card works too.
Since it is for a girl you could also do jewelry.
What I also did was include a letter with the invitation explaining what a Bat mitzvah was and the significance in a young jewish person’s life. I also suggested attire. Another thing I did was invite any of the parents to attend the service. Tecnically anyone can attend the service since services are open to the public. I think this makes it much easier on the guests parents.</p>
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You bring the gift to the party.</p>
<p>I can assure you $18 is the correct amount whether your S is good friends or not. It’s a valued tradition, and one that I promise you (!) will not be looked down upon.</p>
<p>A nice card with a handwritten sentiment, and $18 is all that is necessary. </p>
<p>The big gifts are for the relatives, not the other kids coming to the party. Oh, and gifts to the party only, not to the synagogue.</p>
<p>For the service, do dress appropiately. Have your shoulders covered. Males must wear a head covering, supplied by the synagogue. To be respectful, tell your son not to talk during the service. Money is always well received, or a gift card to a book or music store. I agree with previous posters about $18 being acceptable for someone your son doesn’t know well.</p>
<p>More details about the service (maybe more than you want to know!)–if the service is at a Reform temple, then it will start at the time stated on the invitation and that’s when you should arrive. If it is a Conservative synagogue, typically the service is much longer, and though it will start at the stated time, many people will not come until somewhat later. Because you are totally unfamiliar with what goes on, in order for you (if you attend as well) and more importantly, your child to feel as comfortable as possible, you should either call the parents of the bat mitzvah girl or if you have other Jewish friends in town that would know the custom at this particular synagogue/temple, check with them.
YOu should ask what time most kids should arrive and what the typical kid attire should be. Don’t be embarrassed to call–I promise you the parents will be thrilled that you cared enough to inquire.</p>
<p>D went to more Bar/Bat Mitzvahs than I can count when she was in middle school. From what I understand, most kids gave $36 as a gift, unless they were really good friends. Around here, the girls generally wore cocktail dresses and the boys wore suits to the party. If the party was immediately following the ceremony, then D would wear a shawl or jacket over her dress during the ceremony to make sure her shoulders were covered. The kids usually ran around in socks whether there were sports or not. D and the other girls would go in high-heeled strappy sandals and carry the socks in their bags. If there are sports involved, dress may be more casual - you should ask the parents if the invitation doesn’t specify. She did attend a few like that as well - but these were at sports complexes, not catering halls. We attended one of those as a family, and were told the dress was “club” wear. I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, so I dressed in a fancy top and nice pants, and that was fine. Tell your S to have fun.</p>
<p>This thread certainly runs the gamet of explanation…all extremely helpful…The one thing I would like to add is regarding the synagogue service. If you have not attended one previously, there is certain decorum expected that you may not be aware of…The most important one, IMO, is that cell phones are not permitted, texting or otherwise…Alot of the kids don’t get this at all…even if they have been to 20 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs…</p>
<p>Money. Best present</p>
<p>Oh, about the synagogue, no cell phones please!
Decorum? like you dress to church.
If is a temple, pants are OK but not jeans
If is conservative or orthodox, definitely a dress is mor appropiate.
Boys, suits ar appropriate.
Enjoy</p>