Some good news:
@88jm19 posting that as “good news” is interesting in a thread asking if we would be sad if our kids forego marriage. Putting a value on it lets us know that you would be sad on that count, I guess. For me, that article is “neutral news.”
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Presumably these couples wish to get married and are happy to do so, so for them it is undoubtedly good news.
For society it is good when people are happier, so that is good news for the rest of us, too.
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Singles can be happy too!
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Of course. But for these couples, they chose to marry and that is great for them. We can be happy for them without expecting that it is the right answer for everyone. At least these people think it is the right answer for them.
I do believe the data that say that as a group, married people are generally happier than those single.
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Happily married people may be happier than unmarried people, probably because they have a partner with whom they are happy. Unhappily married people are likely to be less happy than unmarried people. Pushing people to marry, as I have seen people do (including my own relatives), may very well result in less happy people. It’s been many decades since the societal norm has been to marry because you should & pretend you are happy because you’re supposed to be.
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Actually I am neutral on the marriage issue, as a parent of two “20- somethings” in relationships but not married. I used “good” because I posted while thinking of those who were/are concerned about their offspring and the prospect of them marrying and giving them grandchildren.
@roycroftmom explains it well. There’ was no “pushing for marriage” implied. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was.
And for what it’s worth, I also don’t care if I become a grandparent or not. I believe my kids can make their own decisions without my interference.
I just made what to me was a casual comment on the title. I didn’t mean anything significant by it. Everyone gets to do what they like and I am happy for anyone who finds a path they like. It seems my comment was a little misunderstood- or unclear.
There is still heavy pressure on young people to marry. My daughter has a PhD and teaches but the first thing relatives ask is if she is “seeing anyone.”
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I would be sad if my child doesn’t have any children. Because it would be because she can’t physically and can’t afford the $200,000 its costs to have a surrogate.
I wouldn’t care, but the fact that she and her partner can’t weighs heavily on my mind.
Not that we can afford to gift that either.
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One of mine has substantial health issues/medications and the other has transitioned physically to non-binary so same here @deb922. The kid with medical conditions wants to adopt an older child who doesn’t have a good chance at a home. She does not yet have a partner.
Surrogacy is out of the question. Adopting a newborn through an agency requires adequate housing for another birth mother and substantial money. The state foster care system is tough to deal with. There are international adoptions. She would want an open adoption.
She has always wanted to adopt: for climate/population reasons and also because she has had a hard life and feels resilient enough to adopt an older child. I suspect she has known from a very early age that bearing a child would not be possible so it has been internalized. I worry.
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My sister adopted a little boy who was almost 7 when he moved here from Taiwan. She and her H had to weather some rough times initially but now, a decade later, he’s happily attending college and everything seems to have worked out pretty well.
They were glad to have been spared pregnancy and nursing and toilet training and all the baby/infant milestones. It worked out pretty well for all three of them. I believe he was in an orphanage because they felt he could get more opportunities there.
OP chiming in to say that the my original question/post made no judgment of anyone’s feelings about any of it or how parenting came to be – surrogacy or adoption or whatever. 
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Well the question could be “Would you be happy if your kids decide to forego marriage/parenthood?” !!! 
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I do care if I become a grandparent and would be quite sad if it doesn’t happen.
I also believe that they can make their own decisions and would never interfere.
Being sad does not mean one interferes. These ideas are not mutually exclusive.
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“ [quote=“bhs1978, post:815, topic:3618189”]
Being sad does not mean one interferes. These ideas are not mutually exclusive.
[/quote]
I agree. Oops, trying to type while walking.
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I thought this was an interesting article. It may begin with the current debate on no-fault divorces but asks the question I think a lot of young people are asking themselves…what is marriage for?
Here’s the last paragraph: “If marriage is about love, then a lack of love should be the quintessential reason to divorce. However, if marriage is a contract for benefits, then it isn’t surprising that Crowder and other no-fault critics are outraged that it can be unilaterally broken. Although the push to eliminate no-fault divorce is presented as a fight over the purpose of divorce, it’s really a fight over the meaning of marriage.”
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Perhaps the purpose of marriage has changed over the last 50 or 100 years.
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I know a couple of folks who have done foster to adopt. Might be something to look into when the time is right. The folks I know who have done it are open adoptions.
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If divorcing gets more difficult, I predict marriage rates will fall to lower levels, as people may be increasingly reluctant to sign up for something they can’t get out of.
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It is unlikely divorce laws willchange at this point. Many UMC young couples I know seem to delay marriage until children are present and negotiate their own terms in a prenup now.
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