Do you think going alone with your child to visit one’s mother/grandmother in a different state in the USA for the weekend ($500ish) is equivalent to going alone with child to Europe for a week ($4000$)?
Apples and oranges.
I am a CPA and have no idea what the heck you’re getting at. This isn’t a question about money, it’s about something else - relationships, priorities, fears, guilt, duty?
@busyparent I’m not sure I understand why you are asking this.
Clearly…visiting grandma for a weekend at $500 is not equal in any way to going to Europe for a week at $4000.
They’re different experiences, with different price tags. If someone is trying to say that the experiences are comparable (perhaps because one child in the family went to Grandma’s and the other went on the trip to Europe), that could lead to problems.
But why do things have to be comparable anyway?
What’s the real question?
I agree, what is the real question.
Is the child who went to Grandma’s upset that they didn’t get to go to Europe?
Let’s try a different question to you.
If you gave one kid $500 and the other $4000, and told them to spend the money on a trip…would YOU think those were comparable?
Sounds like a family conflict. Maybe among the parents?
No, not equal. Unless there’s more to this story. Who freely chose what, who missed work, if grandma’s paying for college and more. Including, whether the tables switch next year.
The two scenarios you present are very extreme. So short answer is no. No way does a week in Europe equal visiting grandma for the weekend. Did you expect another answer?
But if your goal is to bond with your kid on a one-to-one level pick something inbetween. Lots of levels here.
No need to cross continents.
No relatives though. Get somewhere else to stay. Pick a place neither of you have visited. Just you and kid making your own plans with no other outside involvement. Make it a longer weekend 3-4 day trip.
I’ve never been fond of beans. I like them in food, but that’s it.
We never apply them to our kids or family members. There’s so much more to life, and so much of life is what we make of it. The same actual experience can be terrific or horrid based upon our own interpretation.
Interesting responses. Thank you. I had not even considered the child who went to grandmas would feel slighted by the fact that another child goes to Europe.
I asked because one spouse feels these are equivalent experiences and the other does not. Simply wanted to know what others thought
My kids didn’t fret over this. It all balanced over time. We spent more on one’s music and when I asked the other if she felt she wanted some equivalent opportunity, she said no.
But DH could be fussy about what he wanted, since I’d taken the girls to see my grandmother.
I’d definitely say totally different and non equivalent experiences—not even close. Definitely apples and oranges or more like apples and dragonfruit.
One summer when I was young (<11), my sister (one year older) went to FL to be with those grandparents near the beach. I stayed in state (NY) with the other set of grandparents on their farm. Many looking from the outside would have said that was blatantly unfair - I got shafted - and my “trip” certainly cost less, but in reality I had a blast and loved working in the barn (dairy cows), playing with the oodles of kittens, helping with hay (as much as a youngster could) and literally everything about that trip - even staying in the closet sized bedroom next to the main road and listening to cars/trucks at night.
I still have fond memories - as does my sister who is less of a farm gal/tomboy.
Know your kids and what they love when making decisions. Don’t worry about the beans.
My kids have been multiple places separately as years have gone on. They don’t get jealous. They share stories. Of course, we’ve gone several places together too, but… those don’t count for this thread!
Just in case this applies or someone relates—bonding with kids doesn’t take money.
When I was in HS I went on an afternoon “bonding trip” with my dad. My mom made me go. I didn’t want to go at the time. While I loved him dearly I wasn’t sure I’d have anything to even talk to him about one on one for even an extended afternoon.
My dad must’ve really thought about how he could relate with me.
He took me treasure hunting on the beach about an hour from our house. We went searching for gold where it had been found before. Did we expect to find anything? Nah. But it was so much fun. Just the two of us looking for gold.
That simple activity was the opening to discussions of what we treasure, what I wanted, what he wanted for me in such a non-confrontational environment.
I really treasure that experience even today.
This is not an issue with the kids. This is an issue between the spouses with one feeling justified to go for a week alone in Europe with a kid because I went without them for a weekend to see my mom
I would not see them as equivalent. Both may have value, but different kinds of value. If someone is feeling slighted or shoved aside, then that would undermine the value for that person. If the kids are fine and it’s the parents who disagree, then it doesn’t matter if they are equivalent or not. If one kid feels they’re being slighted, I’d address that.
If it’s the fact that one member of a couple feels that the other doesn’t need to get to go to Europe because they already went out of state to visit their mom, then I think that’s totally non-equivalent and hugely problematic. Is that what you’re asking?
Why, precisely, does one spouse feel that the two experiences are equivalent? That is what I would ask.
I would offer that spouse a weekend visiting your parents…with you.
And then you should take a spa week to someplace like Canyon Ranch.