Bedroom Door

Parent Cafe
41

<p>The percentage of total viewing of PBS, The History Channel, Discovery Channel, etc., is ridiculously low. TV is a tool. But it’s mostly used for tripe.
We should probably see what new productions are on PBS’ “Mystery” but the new Jane Marple series was godawful. </p>

<p>I have no problem admitting that I’m generally anti-TV. I use one, but very selectively, and there’s not a single regular commercial show that it goes on for. The last regular commercial programs we watched were “Twin Peaks”–the ending of which was as infuriating as that of “The Sopranos” if this morning’s newspaper account is to be believed–and “Murder, She Hoped.” </p>

<p>It’s not as if not watching TV leaves you totally ignorant of what’s going on…you get as many references to TV shows out in the world as you do to the problems of Paris Hilton.</p>

42

<p>enough of this argument for me. Just wanted a chance to defend TV from its detractors. Like I said, each to his or her own.</p>

43

<p>We never really censored TV viewing after they hit their teens and they both had TV’s in their rooms, but they mostly went unused. D was never home enough to spend much time in her room and S prefers the bigger TV in the family room. The only time he uses it is to watch some older VHS tapes (Star Wars, Godzilla, etc…he has a collection) and his little 13" has a VCR player built into it while the big TV is attached to a DVD player. Neither one ever liked taking friends into their rooms either since we have a family room and a living room and one is always available for them to hang out in. But they could ALWAYS close their doors whenever they wanted when they were alone. I can’t imagine never being able to have privacy. And doors are always shut when they sleep.</p>

44

<p>Not that this is relevant to bedroom doors…</p>

<p>Even though we get horrible reception, we haven’t paid out for cable because I thought the whole point of cable was that there weren’t ads!
From our hotel stays I have found that , that isn’t true anymore :frowning:
I also hate the ads- this is why I don’t watch TV and frankly can’t remember the last time I watched it.( besides at the gym- where I love to watch Anderson Cooper-)
When a ad comes on, I get up, but then I start doing something else, and by the time I remember I am watching a show, * another* series of ads have come on, and I give up.</p>

<p>I do * like* many of the show that are on regular tv, I just can’t remember when they are on or even what day.:confused:
I rent dvds instead, of shows and watch them on the computer in bed instead of reading. </p>

<p>Ive gone through the West Wing, most of 24 ( although I cheated and zipped through by watching a few episodes and reading recaps on [Television</a> without Pity](<a href=“http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/]Television”>http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/)), Six feet Under, House, and am working my way through the orginal CSI ,I tried to watch the Sopranos, but Im sorry, I just couldn’t- too violent and my daughter has me rent Project Runway & for some reason, when we had made a series of trips last year, a chef survival show focusing on cakes was always on, even when we were in Canada.</p>

<p>( The rest of the family is fascinated with MythBusters on the Discovery Channel, when we are in a hotel, I barely can get them to leave the room, let alone turn it off)</p>

<p>I would also recommend Guns Germs & Steel, a National geographic special series from the book of the same name- very interesting.</p>

<p>But I allow kids to shut their doors, and I knock.</p>

<p>If kids can sleep Ok, then it probably is ok to have a computer/study in their bedroom & they certainly have ipods/stereos in their bedrooms, but they have to have something to look forward to when they get their own house :)</p>

45

<p>I an not anti-TV, I am against things like TV’s, videogames, and internet access in bedrooms. For many people they seem to encourage increasingly isolative behaviors, at the expense of valuable social skills.Whether “socializing” on computers or online games will have the same mental health benefits as face to face socializing remains to be seen.</p>

46

<p>Hi! It’s me, not my son. He and I certainly don’t see eye to eye on all things. And I apologize if he (we) have hi-jacked the thread. I see everyone’s points.
Like TheDad, I don’t really like TV too much either. I totally agree with mathmom and have to mute all commercials. </p>

<p>However, I do see my son’s point, for him especially. He loves Bach and Virgil. If he did not watch TV he would be completely alienated from his peers (Star Wars helped too.) Since he wants to be a doctor the medical aspects of House fascinate him.</p>

<p>My point (referring back to the open/shut door issue) was that flexibility and humor worked for me more than rules. Perhaps I am just ant-authoritarian by nature, and perhaps 25 years in a community college classroom in which I do not want to lose my audience have recommended a light touch.</p>

<p>TheDad, I am lucky that my son never wanted to watch the shows you list as worthless. My daughter, however, does adore the romantic complications of Grey’s Anatomy, and as she is a romantic 20-year-old I can see why she would. And I don’t care. She also loves Law and Order and is majoring in Human rights at Columbia (American Studies at Barnard).</p>

<p>I also believe in the allure of “forbidden fruit.” (See Christina Rosetti’s Pre-Rafaelite poem “Goblin Market.”) Of course string beans are more nourishing than chocolate covered pretzels, but there is a place for both in life.</p>

<p>I would almost always rather read than watch TV, but to read I had to separate myself, whereas watching TV we were all together talking (perhaps of even greater educational value). </p>

<p>I want my kids to enjoy a salad. They do! Right now my son is reading a Borges story. His school project (they needed to make a movie) was a parody of ULYSSES. He is also looking forward to Bloomsday. </p>

<p>I guess I’m saying “If it aint broke…” Some of the stuff they do amazes me: like watch TV, talk on line and do homework all at the same time. I couldn’t; however, unless their grades suffered I wouldn’t have a rule about it either.</p>

<p>About SOUTH PARK. I let my son watch it at ten when he would most enjoy the fart jokes. He is extremely polite and appropriate.</p>

47

<p>It never occured to me not to allow closed doors in the house.Doesn’t everyone need to close the door from time to time?</p>

<p>I’ll never forget the time when my son was about 2, he was mad at his sister and me- I think I had misinterpreted something that had happened between them, and sided with her. He, with bottle in hand, stomped up the stairs into his room and shut (slammed?) the door. For my even-tempered tot, this was unusual. I followed him up, and was about to open the door as I asked, “son, is everything ok?”<br>
“NO!” he snapped. “Pweeze go away!” :(</p>

<p>I sat at the bottom of the stairs for several minutes, waiting. In a bit, he slowly opened the door, shuffled out, went downstairs and gave me a little hug, and then went back to play with his sister. That little bit of alone time was all he needed to compose himself and carry on. </p>

<p>I always knocked, and always asked. (but I also often listened at the door for problems.) Everyone in my family has seemed to need privacy at times, even from a very young age.</p>

48

<p>Both my S’s have always been allowed to close their doors (except when the GF’s came over) but I’ve never noticed them doing it very often. I never considered that they might be doing something inappropriate in their rooms (other places sure, but not in their rooms with Radar Mom downstairs!)</p>

<pre><code>They didn’t get TV in their rooms until they were teenagers and bought the small tv’s (with cable) themselves. They are both history channel/military channel addicts but mostly watch it late at night just before going to sleep. Older S now off at college. He can close his door there too. Younger S closes his door at bedtime to keep the dog, his roommate, from wandering the house at night.
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49

<p>On the TV issue…
I got a small TV in my room when I was in middle school. I always had it on while I did homework, usually CNN, sometimes one of the Discovery-owned channels. I watched some MTV, some ABC, and some HBO. I watched football with my father and sister every Saturday and Sunday in the fall for almost my entire life. We have Comcast cable now, and on slow nights I’ll put on a movie or I’ll play a TV show while I’m cleaning my room. The only show I actually follow now is House, though I’ll watch some others. TV is a form of entertainment; it may not be the most thoughtful thing in the world, but does it really matter? Does every minute of every day really need to be focused on matters of substance and value and education? I think sitting with some mindless entertainment is good sometimes. TV can also, of course, be very social. TV in the room is obviously not social, but as long as the kid doesn’t choose to watch TV over other activities most of the time, I don’t see the problem. We always had one computer for the family until we went to college (high school graduation present is always a laptop). As long as the kid spends time with friends, spends time with family, and willingly spends time on activities out of his room, I don’t see the problem.</p>

50

<p>corranged,</p>

<p>Hmm… If a TV in the room leads to cleaning the room, I might have to reconsider. :-).</p>

51

<p>Simple solution - remove TV, allow door closed. End.</p>

<p>Everyone over the age of toddlerhood is entitled to privacy. Not to be mean, but OP’s insistance on not allowing a 13 year old to close his door seems creepy - borderline abusive or EXTREMELY over-involved. </p>

<p>We have a rule in our house: you can have a TV in your room after you graduate from high school. Allowed us to justify having a TV in our rooms without the kids having TVs in theirs! It’s not even that I worried about what they would watch - it’s just too anti-social to go in your room and watch TV. If we have to be couch potatoes, at least do it in a room where there’s a possibility of conversing with each other.</p>

<p>As for computers… DS got a laptop his Junior year, so it goes wherever, usually in his room. His IM conversations tend to be about 3 sentences long and he only converses with about a half-dozen friends. DD (hs frosh) and I share a desktop that is purposely in a wide-open room downstairs. I don’t foresee that changing any time soon. It might not be “fair,” but frankly she’s a lot more socially outgoing and willing to take risks than he was, and I’d rather not have her IMing whoever in her room with the door shut.</p>

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<p>Hey parents. First of all if you are here you care about your kid(s) so give yourself a pat on the back. I’m 13 and I think my parents are pretty screwed up. Sure, they have fine jobs, my dad even plays a huge part in the company Staples. So… what is so screwed up you ask? Well, my parents are divorced. I live differently at both places. Honestly, I go to my room whenever I can at my mom’s. Today and yesterday, I only left my room to eat and use the bathroom and yesterday I rode my bike around the neighborhood a few times with my mom and biological siblings. If you looked at my name, you would notice how I feel about people in general :wink: but I came to feel this way because I HAVE spent this much time in my room, alone, closing the door behind me whenever I enter the room without my little brother to complain about it. I hate having people watch what I do, and when I feel like I am being watched, and I am quite aware of my privacy as it is supposedly my right as an American, I make sure that I stop whatever I’m doing or not doing and block myself out.
So… you want your kids to keep the country on top of the world huh? Well, have you ever spent a few hours or even minutes thinking about what you are doing to your child(s)'s mind? You tell them not to let others take advantage of you and to make sure they know and hold their rights close to them, but you do all you can to stop them from doing what is natural and encouraged by society. Hmmm… that’s funny isn’t it?
I have two computers in my room, and I am soon going to have a third that I will completely build on my own. I also have a TV in between the two computers that is somewhat easy to see from the bed. It’s not connected to a box so there is no blocked channels. I do just about anything I want up here in this room. I’m fine though, I’m a perfectly average joe, except for my height, knowledge of computers, and look on society, and overall logic.<br>
My mom will come in my room whenever she is home at random without knocking, which is a terrible thing to do, especially without knocking. When I am at my dads I often come back to a rearranged desk, and I wonder what the hell else she has done besides screwing up my setup… That is a terrible feeling of invasion. Personally I refuse to have a child in the future because of this terrible situation the world is in, where you can’t grow up securely without a camera pointed at your hallway so that you will be able to see who is coming and give yourself some extra time to close your computer’s windows, change the channel on the TV to a more sober program, and zip up your pants.
I feel like Lewis Black right about now, except I’m a bit more serious, and I’m directing my comments to America’s people about what they are doing wrong (for the most part). Seeing people even question if they should give their children privacy just makes me sick to my stomach. And here’s why:
We aren’t just talking about TV that will “harm” a child’s way of thinking and make them less intelligent. It’s much, much more than that. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t notice how I was being taken advantage of. I choose to not walk out on everybody that tries to take control over me and all I get in return is more security. Alright, here’s the deal. I am a kid who has been doing adult-oriented things since I was 8 or 9. Okay, sure that’s above average, but that could be the way your kid is or wants to be and he or she has problems doing so because of the parents. I mean we are talking about sex here! And no, unless you are some kind of screwed up individual then you do not want your parents to know the history of your browser or anything like that, and only a creep who doesn’t deserve to have a child would try to find the “smut” that their child may or may not have seen. It’s just inhumane to watch what your child does on their own. Currently this corruption by my parents unintentionally allowing me to think about things that are not very popular topics for my age group, has caused me to hate what people decide to do and will hopefully soon let me go out and do what I have decided is right. </p>

<pre><code>So, I typed this all to show you that I’m begging you to let your kids have freedom!!! Please, don’t stop them from what they are trying to do, unless it really is bad (like alcohol or drugs or not learning enough) but certainly things that are naturally wanted should be allowed, including sexual things (as long as he or she is respectful), which makes it necessary to allow any door to be closed if need be, and all other privacy that is desired. Talk to them as somebody they can look up to and make sure they know what is right as you see it. You don’t have to agree with me here, I’m just hoping that my countless hours of contemplation could help a couple people who are wondering about a small thing such as this.
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<p>P.S. I’m sorry this is so long, I just wanted to say everything I felt needed to be said, I have a problem with typing extremely long entries LOL Take care, and thank you for reading. 1 AM, time for me to do something different lol</p>

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<p>FWIW, Joan of Arcadia solifidied many of my spiritual beliefs (seriously).</p>

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<p>Have read AWS’s post twice, and I am not sure what pathology is there, or whether I am reading more into the post than is meant to be read or what…but I hope this kid is OK.</p>

<p>To the OP, I cannot imagine limiting the privacy of a young teenaged boy, unless you had reason to doubt his integrity or honesty. We have always given trust first, and threatened to take it away were we ever to find out about dishonesty etc. Thus far, older child has never been grounded or had his activities curtailed, and he has a very long leash. </p>

<p>So give your child a little credit! I think parents who assume the worst in their kids usually see it…because they expect it. It works the other way too, which is definitely preferable.</p>

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<p>It does truly amaze me sometimes when I read how controlling many parents are with their children. To even have a rule about whether or not a child is “allowed” to close their bedroom door baffles me. I honestly have never heard of anyone doing this in my 25 years of being a mom, and even longer as a psychologist. It never even occurred to me to limit this activity.</p>

<p>Our Ds all got tvs prior to going away to college, with maybe one of them getting it in high school (I honestly don’t remember) and so they were in their rooms during summer breaks. My youngest who just finished high school has had one in her room for a couple of years. She occasionally watches it but is more likely to be watching the bigscreen one in our family room. We have five or six tvs in the house but usually we’re all congregated around the main one, unless someone wants to watch something different (usually my H who wants to watch golf!). </p>

<p>There is much on tv that is crappola but there is also much that is good. The West Wing was a great series (mostly, with a couple of seasons not so great when Aaron Sorkin got entirely too full of himself - which unfortunately happened with Studio 60 from the start and killed the show). The Law and Order shows provide the opportunity to watch some of the most wonderful actors in the world ply their trade. We’re a big theatre family, and have been for decades, and those series are chock full of actors whose first passion is the NY stage. </p>

<p>Sports is often on our television as we keep track of our favorite teams, sometimes hometown, sometimes not. Being a news junkie, I love the fact that I can get news from around the world anytime I want to, on several channels. We watch PBS and I agree that there’s some excellent programming. Last week we saw a great tribute show to Ella Fitzgerald and then a fascinating documentary on the Turtle Creek Gay Men’s Chorale from Dallas. Probably my favorite show on tv, and <em>gasp</em>! it’s on a network, is CBS Sunday with Charles Osgoode. Try it, you’ll likely get hooked as I did many years ago.</p>

<p>There is, however, lots on just regular old tv that we enjoy and it’s not just educational ‘stuff’. I mean, come one, who wouldn’t enjoy watching the adventures of Michael Schofield or Jack Bauer or the Amazing Race gang once a week? :slight_smile: I personally won’t miss Without a Trace, not because it’s educational or because I can discuss it ‘around the watercooler’ but because I enjoy it! There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a tv show simply for the entertainment value, like Seinfeld or The Simpsons. Laughing is good. What’s wrong with being entertained? :slight_smile: </p>

<p>My kids watched a lot of tv growing up and they still do but they are all, as are my H and I, avid readers and regular sports participants. It hasn’t had a negative effect on them. In fact, it has made them part of who they are today, and that is not a negative.</p>

<p>I think people should watch what they choose to on tv, or not, but what gets tiresome is when someone somehow feels superior because they choose not to watch tv, because it’s ‘pernicious’ or ‘tripe’. </p>

<p>Our Ds all had/have their own laptops, too. I don’t remember exactly when each got one but probably the older two was the year before they went off to college, and the younger two when they were in h/s. We never really had a problem with any of them hiding themselves away in their rooms. Certainly they did spend SOME time upstairs doing homework, reading, napping!, etc. but it was never a problem of me becoming concerned that they weren’t interacting with anyone else. They’re all very outgoing, social individuals so I can’t see a negative there either. </p>

<p>Back to the OP’s issue. 13 may be a little young to have a tv in his room but I guess I’d have to ask why it’s there in the first place? :slight_smile: Having said that, I would never recommend banning him from closing his door. Every child needs an assurance of a certain level of privacy. This level will change as the child grows older. Trust your child, unless and until he gives you reason not to do so.</p>

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<p>Wow is all I can say. Let’s see… I’ve had a TV in my room since freshman year, a computer since junior year. Now, my brother has a TV and a computer in his bedroom. He’ll be a high school junior. We also have DVD players in all of our rooms. There are 5 of us in the house and there are 4 computers. 6 TVs all with a DVD player connected except mine but I’ve got a DVD player on my laptop and I have a DVD player sitting right here but the TV is disconnected at the moment because I was cleaning the other day.</p>

<p>I can’t imagine not being able to shut my door. Right now it is cracked a little bit, but normally the door is shut when I’m in here. It’s always shut when I’m not here.</p>

<p>I’ve got a real simple policy with my laptop. Stay Off! I just got this for graduation and I do not allow anybody to use it. If my parents would like to see what I’m doing, sure I’ll be more than happy to allow them to look over the shoulder, but they still are not touching the keyboard. I’m not worried about hiding something from them but rather am preventing any possibility of them hitting a wrong key or something and messing it up. They are pretty clueless when it comes to computers.</p>

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<p>My son just came home from college just after we moved into a new house. I got Direct TV service and it came with two receivers. One we’re using in the family room. As for the second receiver, I told my son I’d install it in his room. His response was, “Why would I need a TV?”</p>

<p>So the receiver sits in a pile, since we are essentially a one-TV family.</p>

58

<p>My mother never allows me to close my door, although I do have a TV. Then again, she often tells me I’m also not allowed to keep secrets from her (which is one rule I unfortunately cannot follow). </p>

<p>Personally, I would gladly give up my TV if it meant getting privacy. My parents, I love them, but they like to get over-involved. I find no problem with allowing a 13 year old to close his bedroom door, as it’s a natural part of growing up to have some semblance of privacy.</p>

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<p>Doors may be closed but not locked. We’ve done this since they were old enough to sleep in a bed. Neither one ever locked the door, either. I NEVER enter their rooms without knocking – even if they are sitting on the bed, door open, doing homework. Never have been, never will be TVs or computers in bedrooms. It’s not conducive to good and plentiful sleep – and I have seen too many nieces and nephews who cannot get to sleep without the TV blaring. Music is fine – I like to sleep with the music on myself whenefver DH is out of town. </p>

<p>We have two TVs – one in the family room and one in the kitchen (where we watch Law & Order, Jon Stewart, the History Channel, etc.) Three computers – two permanently housed in the office (the most used room in the house), and a laptop. We aren’t wireless, so the laptop also lives in the office most of the time, though my kids figured out someone has a wireless they can access if they take the laptop and sit in a lawnchair in the yard. OK by me. We have treated them with trust and respect, and they have not abused it. The one time I saw a questionable google search, I asked one of my kids about it (not knowing who did it), and he immediately told me he didn’t know what a term meant and was looking it up. He found out WAY more than he wanted, but he told me the truth, so there were no consequences. (Besides the “you can always ask us, even if it’s embarrassing…” speech, I also went out and got the teenage version of “Our Bodies, Ourselves” as a more reliable source of info.)</p>

<p>We are a house full of people who need quiet time to recharge, process and think. A closed door is not an evil thing. Everyone needs some space!</p>

<p>My kids leave their doors cracked open more often these days so the dog can change which boy she wants to sleep with during the night – depends who has the more comfy/smelly pile of laundry on the closet floor… (We live to serve the dog! :))</p>

60

<p>I’m not allowed to close the door, and all I have in my room is two cardboard boxes and a stack of papers… o_O</p>