<p>My previous post assumes that the guys’ floors are cleared enough so that the door CAN be closed…;)</p>
<p>citygirlsmom said: “I am just curious, why was the child only allowed to close door when he was changing at age 12…what did mom think he was going to be doing that she needed to see?”</p>
<p>It started out as an only child, single mom thing for me. I could keep an eye on him when he was younger and we were home, as there was no one but us. Then it became a habit. I am not standing at his door saying, “Open it up.” He doesn’t close it nor has he asked can he. I wanted to give him the opportunity to do so, but was sort of worried about the t.v. I am still the Mama and I will say what will be watched on the telly, esp. late night t.v. I sometimes threaten to take the t.v. out of the room, but so far I have not. If I keep reading these posts about no t.v. in the bedroom, I just may do it. </p>
<p>I do think, and it could be the way I was raised, that children have no right to privacy. That is a right that comes with maturity and increased independence. In fact, the type of rearing I had says that “when you are grown and paying your own bills then you can have all the privacy you want, but as long as you are living under my roof…” :)</p>
<p>Lafalum84 said: “Everyone over the age of toddlerhood is entitled to privacy. Not to be mean, but OP’s insistance on not allowing a 13 year old to close his door seems creepy - borderline abusive or EXTREMELY over-involved.”</p>
<p>Wow!!! Didn’t think I was insisting that my son leave his door open, only wondering about your rules on open or closed door as I make a decision on whether or not I will give him more options. I am not CREEPY nor am I OVERINVOLVED. I am a single mother whose childrearing is apparently different from yours. I have not called your parenting style LOOSE nor TASTELESS because you may be a bit more lenient with your kid(s) than I.</p>
<p>no right to privacy…EVERYONE has that right…wow</p>
<p>none of us are saying not be watchful, not ask questions, but to say no right to privacy at all is creepy to me</p>
<p>do you want to listen to all his phone coversations? read his notes? </p>
<p>do you not want him to have this right to privacy when he is 14? 17?</p>
<p>This is something you need to think about…a young male NEEDS his privacy from his mother, as my Ds needed it from their father</p>
<p>I guess I feel that kids need their space, and sometimes too much involvement is not a good thing</p>
<p>Adolecsents bodies are changing, and they are becoming more aware of those changes, modesty sets in, and we are not just talking about changing of clothes</p>
<p>do you close your door to your room? do you like your privacy?</p>
<p>(cross posted with lafalum- and we both said creepy- hmmm)</p>
<p>this isn’t just about how we raised our kids, it is almost about a human right</p>
<p>just because people said kids should be seen and not heard, or that it was okay to hit didn’t make it right</p>
<p>we are not saying you are in either category, but just that denial of a basic right to privacy is so alien to me and seems to be to many of us, we would be remiss if we didn’t fully answer your question</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom, it may be a cultural thing for me, and this is where we differ. I think that adults have a right to privacy, and that is how I was raised. It could be wrong for you and yours, but for where I am from and where I was raised it was the right way. No, I don’t listen in to phone conversations or read notes, but if I wanted to I would. My original post was regarding me allowing him more private time, not to get beat up on because I have not done so thus far. I wrote it because I think he is ready for more privacy. He is a good kid, makes good grades, but I do worry about that t.v. I would hate to take it out of his room as he would probably see it as punishment.</p>
<p>K- yes he NEEDS more private time…</p>
<p>Sorry if you felt beat up, but it was just suprising to many of us that to date your child had to keep his door open all the time…</p>
<p>It’s surprising to me that many of you feel that a child has a right to privacy no matter how old that child is. Thank you for the apology, as I think that those who know me would find it amusing that I was called “creepy,” in my parenting skills.</p>
<p>^^^“I do worry about that t.v. I would hate to take it out of his room as he would probably see it as punishment.”</p>
<p>Aw, then maybe just talk to him about what your intentions are, that it’s absolutely not punishment. Communicate! Tell him you love him and want to spend time with him; he’s good company; you like to hang out with him. So bringing the tv out into the common room means you’ll see more of his handsome face. That’s how I’d handle a kid so young, with a bit of flattery. I’m guessing you are a positive parent, too.</p>
<p>Some kids are lonely and might like to hear from a parent that they’re desirable to be around. </p>
<p>Just be positive, for heaven’s sake! If you’re doing it because you enjoy your kid and don’t want wedges between you, that’ll come through in the way you discuss relocating the tv. At the moment, your last sentence sounds like you’re slightly afraid of your kid. Don’t be; he’s just a kid.</p>
<p>Slightly off-topic: We own 2 tv’s, one in a living area and one in our bedroom. We kept a family rule that I’ve since learned is unusual, but it communicated priorities to our kids. The rule is: If a TV show is running when company comes into the house, we always turn the TV right off so we could talk with and pay full attention to the company. </p>
<p>Much later in the evening, if we were all talked out, we might make a mutual decision to watch a show or movie together, but that was to entertain the company. Point is: people first, tv second. Rather than feel like a crummy rule, “no TV with company” was understood by our kids as a way of caring about people a lot, including them. </p>
<p>As they got older (13+) if anyone was involved in a TV show in the living room when company arrived (invited or not), we’d still turn off the TV but tell the kids they could keep watching in our bedroom if they wanted to. Actually they often abandoned the tv show, in total or for a while, if the company was interesting.</p>
<p>and I am surprised that you think they have no rights to privacy at all…that scares me, actually</p>
<p>what, your little boy didn’t have a secret place for his trucks?</p>
<p>and when he is 18 and still at home, you still think he has no right to privacy?</p>
<p>but I stil find it creepy that you feel that no matter how old the person is, they have no rights to privacy so long as they are under your roof</p>
<p>what you will find, most likely, is that your son will keep MORE secrets from you and share less…because you let him know he has no rights to his own business</p>
<p>At my house, during the hottest days of the summer, we need to keep bedroom doors open because the air conditioning does not cool those rooms adequately if the doors are closed.</p>
<p>I think that everyone in our family feels the strain at the loss of privacy that this situation causes. I would be surprised if people didn’t. But we are not from a cultural group that believes that only adults are entitled to privacy.</p>
<p>quopoe, maybe you could just say to your son that you understand that some young people his age have a desire for greater privacy but that you have concerns about excessive TV watching (or TV watching too late at night, or whatever your specific concern about the TV is). Then you could ask your son whether he would like the opportunity to close his bedroom door whenever he wants in exchange for the TV being moved out of the room.</p>
<p>If, as you say, it’s a cultural thing, it’s possible that your son may not care about closing his door and may prefer to keep the TV.</p>
<p>QuoPoe said: "I do think, and it could be the way I was raised, that children have no right to privacy. That is a right that comes with maturity and increased independence. In fact, the type of rearing I had says that “when you are grown and paying your own bills then you can have all the privacy you want, but as long as you are living under my roof…” </p>
<p>Notice I said that the right to privacy comes with maturity and independence. I said the way that I was raised was “when you are grown and paying your own bills…” I think it should be noted that I want to do something different from what would be normal for me. I am wondering if you really meant that apology. :)</p>
<p>Marian- Thank you. You provided me with great advice. I think he may opt to leave the door open because he enjoys having a t.v. in his bedroom and has never been without one. Also, those who posted about potential fires and closing bedroom doors at night was great advice too. It’s something I had not thought about.</p>
<p>Isn’t it very normal for boys to explore their bodies at that age? Doesn’t an open door preclude such normal behavior or create the possibility of an embarrassing situation?</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, I did not see your post til a few minutes ago. We are pitiful here, (saying this in jest), as we have t.v.'s in the bedrooms and in our living room. I think that is why I was saying he may see it as a punishment, (as I am trying not to entertain the idea of removing it from my bedroom too). What a frightening idea…no t.v., lol.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it very normal for boys to explore their bodies at that age? Doesn’t an open door preclude such normal behavior or create the possibility of an embarrassing situation?”</p>
<p>I believe we know this to be true. Why, I wonder if this is why I would like to offer him the option of closing his bedroom door? :)</p>
<p>"I believe we know this to be true. Why, I wonder if this is why I would like to offer him the option of closing his bedroom door? "</p>
<p>And I was wondering why you were only considering it!</p>
<p>I seem to be on a roll tonight with posting. I had no idea I had been getting responses to this post until today when one of the post finally reached my email. I certainly did not think I would get as many negative posts have I have. I don’t think I have ever posted this much on CC before. Wonder how long it will take me to reach regular CC member status? I have been a New Member since 2004. 
Maybe I should rile folks up more, lol.</p>
<p>Well, the OP’s son may have found other places and times in which he can deal with that particular need – just as kids who share bedrooms (and, for that matter, college students living in doubles) have done since the beginning of time. If he has already solved that problem, he might prefer to keep the TV and the current customs.</p>
<p>“And I was wondering why you were only considering it!”</p>
<p>Single mama, and the only young boy in the extended family. We have a lot of girls in our family’s recent generations, this boy stuff is not the norm. Just got to thinking about him turning 13 soon and what 13 year old boys like to do. lol</p>
<p>"Well, the OP’s son may have found other places and times in which he can deal with that particular need – "</p>
<p>He’s spending a lot of time in the bathroom, and the shower, lol. And yes, to you who think I am creepy…he can stay in there behind closed, locked doors for as long as he wants.</p>