<p>I sympathize. While we were not helicopter parents who tried to fix anything/everything, we cared a very great deal. Now that my d is launched, I take comfort in the fact that, even if we wanted to, we can’t do all that much. She’s got to do it, we can’t make things right. It is about trusting them, but also realizing we simply don’t have the power to intervene.</p>
<p>I’d love to trade my worries for yours. </p>
<p>My S1 (U.S. Navy Special Operations) will be spending Thanksgiving in Afghanistan.
He spent last Christmas deployed to Bahrain. He goes back to Afghanistan next summer for 6 months to do incredibly dangerous work. </p>
<p>I would love to only have to worry about his social habits/job satisfaction/ apartments/ roommates and girlfriend issues. Count your blessings folks.</p>
<p>PackMom – thank you for your son’s service.</p>
<p>PackMom - everything is relative and we need to put it in perspective.</p>
<p>Thanks to your son for his service Packmom. I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. Hugs for you and prayers for the safety of your brave son and his fellow Special Ops bretheren.</p>
<p>What yalamom said !</p>
<p>Limabeans - I was thinking maybe if you visited, you could let him show off the area and maybe get more excited about it. If he’s in city w/o a car, maybe you could explore the surrounding areas. </p>
<p>Yea, the more important thing would be for him to make connections with other young people. But that can be hard. Maybe he could take a class a local campus or CC?</p>
<p>Of course packmom. Blessings to you and your brave sons. Of course you and parent’s of other service men and women have much more reason to worry than I. Sorry to sound petty. I just found it helpful that other young adults are going through similar trials and tribulations.</p>
<p>I dont think its helicoptering to offer help and support to your kids if they dont have any friends or family nearby. Theres a big difference between socially adept kids who use their parents as a release valve and introverted kids who truly need their parents because they dont have anyone else.</p>
<p>One of our sons best friends from college committed suicide less than a year after graduating. He was a very intelligent, introverted kid who landed a great job in a city where he didnt know anybody. He talked with friends and family a few times about how lonely he was, but they just told him things would get better. Obviously, the young man didnt think so. He left a suicide note saying there was nothing to look forward to since he was such a social failure. Today, his mom feels overwhelming guilt for not doing more after he told her about his loneliness.</p>
<p>Our son is also an introvert who took a job after graduation in a city where he didnt know anybody. We knew he was very lonely. We made suggestions about ways he could meet people, but he couldnt bring himself to make that first step as an introvert. After his friends suicide, I contacted a psychologist in a panic and asked what we could do to support our son. His advice was to forget the tough love because it rarely works for introverts. He said we should offer as much support as possible, and he thought we should get in the car and drive up to see him immediately. And thats just what we did for the next year. Almost every weekend, my husband or I drove 6-plus hours to be with our son so he wouldnt be alone. We also had him evaluated by a psychologist, found out he was depressed, and got him on antidepressants.</p>
<p>Our son was living alone in an apartment, but he decided to look for roommates on Craigslist when his lease was up. He ended up finding two roommates, moving into a three bedroom house, and the rest is history.</p>
<p>That was almost four years ago. Once our son moved into a house with roommates, he no longer needed the support of his dad and me. Ditto antidepressants. Son now has lots of friends and is engaged to be married next year. </p>
<p>My advice is to really listen to your son. If your gut is telling you hes really struggling, then pay attention. You know your son better than anybody. He may be just venting, but he may also be depressed. If youre getting a bad feeling, then hop on a plane and go see him! Also make sure he knows that he always has other options if this job doesnt work out. He could always go back to school or find a job in a city closer to family. It also helps to give him things to look forward to. Could you buy him a ticket to come home for a long weekend? Could you buy a ticket for a sibling to visit him?</p>
<p>A few other ideas:</p>
<p>When is your sons lease up? Would he be willing to look for roommates?</p>
<p>Are there any sports leagues in your sons city? Coed kickball is really popular with young adults today.</p>
<p>Does your sons place of employment participate in a sports league?</p>
<p>Does your son belong to a gym? Exercise enhances a feeling of well-being.</p>
<p>Do you think your son would join a Meetup group? That’s a tough one for introverts, but our son did go to several photography meetups. He met one of his good friends there.</p>
<p>Would your son consider getting a cat? Even though my kids prefer dogs, they all have cats today because they know they couldnt take care of a dog. The cats give them something to look forward when they come home from work.</p>
<p>Discourage Facebook if at all possible! Seeing all the fun (real or not) that his old friends are having will only make him feel worse.</p>
<p>Sending a big virtual hug to all of you who are going through this with your adult kids. Its one of the hardest things Ive ever experienced, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!</p>
<p>Oldfort -sorry for D2’s heartbreak. You know I have been through that recently with D1. </p>
<p>D1 called me at work and asked if I “had a minute”. My heart sunk because I knew if she called me at work while she was at work and asked that, it must be something. I am so glad she still comes to me to share her highs and lows. But as snugapub^ said! I try hard not to give any advise unless asked.</p>
<p>D2’s breakup is over someone at the “strong like” stage, not as severe as your D1’s. I hope your D1 is on the way to recovery. I am also apprehensive when it comes to “I need to talk to you” or “Do you have a minute,” especially when I get a text during my meeting at work.</p>