<p>I’d like to get some opinions/advice from parents about my potential rooming situation. I am thinking of living with a guy friend off-campus next year because I am sick of getting squeezed in with strangers who I never really end up being friends with. This year was particular awkward since, to save money but still have a kitchen, I opted to move in with three girls who all were friends with each other beforehand. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it certainly did make me feel lonely and I imagine if I were to move in with strangers on or off campus it would be the same type of situation.</p>
<p>Anyhow, my parents are somewhat conservative so I’m not sure how to approach them about living with someone of the opposite sex. I know it would save money overall, and that also I could probably pay for it myself if I increased my work hours. However, they are paying a portion of my tuition. I would also probably not be coming back in the summers of my last two years because of the lease.</p>
<p>Any advice on how to bring this up, or when for that matter?</p>
<p>I can tell you what <em>not</em> to do. I’m glad you’re having this conversation with your parents. One of my friends roomed with a guy her senior year and didn’t tell her parents about it. Naturally, her parents found out and freaked out and there was a lot of drama.</p>
<p>I’d just stress that it’s a strictly platonic relationship, you think of him as a brother, and that you’re hoping to avoid all of the awkward situations that are involved with being roommates with people you’re not friends with. </p>
<p>I’d try and figure out a good reason why you want to room with this person, other than “he’s my friend.” Give your parents some characteristics of this guy so that they get to know him. Maybe he’s easy-going, so he doesn’t stress you out. Maybe he likes to clean but can’t make a PB&J without messing it up, and you hate cleaning but are an expert gourmand. Maybe you don’t have a car, but he lets you borrow his. (Maybe he’s an expert in Krav Maga and is supremely protective of his eight sisters, and he and his pit bull Roxie plan to take the room closest to the exterior door, and Roxie has always tried to take off the limbs of your potential suitors… That’d be something to tell your dad.)</p>
<p>I love love love my girlfriends, but I am so much less stressed working as a woman in a male-dominated field than I was when I was at an all-girls’ school growing up. When I go back to my alma mater and tell them about being an engineer, they invariably ask what it’s like to work with all men. I tell them about my office, where if someone’s mad at someone else, they yell at each other for a while, call each other a jerk, and then go out for beers and everything’s cool again. No drama bombs! The girls’ eyes light up, and they dreamily imagine a world where you don’t have to remember who’s not talking to who. I can definitely understand the appeal of having a male roommate. Maybe your parents will, too.</p>
<p>Make sure it’s really, really, REALLY platonic, though, otherwise you’re going to end up in an awkward situation.</p>
<p>Have your parents told you categorically that they will NOT allow you to have a boy roommate? Or are you just jumping to conclusions based how you THINK they’ll react. </p>
<p>Cuz, co-ed off-campus roommates is really nothing new. I did it back in '84 - '87. If your parents think back to people they knew in college, they just might agree that it’s a practical arrangement. </p>
<p>Do not wait until nearly time to commit to the lease to bring it up. You know your parents–would they process this better if you weren’t there? If so, write them and explain a’ la aibarr’s suggestion and your own original post. </p>
<p>Ask them to think about it and say that you all can discuss it at winter break.</p>
<p>Are you sure the guy’s parents are onboard? You don’t want to go through all this to have a lot of drama amd upheaval from his end. You may find that if the 2 sets of parents communicate with each other this may put them both more at ease.</p>
<p>I guess you do realize that your leasemate and you may find the other one having over-night guests unless you and your lease mate are in a relationship (you didn’t mention that). Do you have older or near in age brothers? Are you going to share a bathroom? How is the body modesty quotient of both you and the guy? Have you two discussed what being lease mates will look and be like? </p>
<p>Your parents may ask you these same questions. You probably should have thought about these things before they ask. Or, you might volunteer the answers in advance to show you have thought this through.</p>
<p>2) I really, really missed living with my girlfriends. It can be hard to live in a house of girls, but when I look back those were some of my best college memories and I feel like I cheated myself out of more “chick time”.</p>
<p>I really never discussed it with my parents, I just sort of told them. I can still hear my mom saying “Oh” That was it…just “oh”.</p>
<p>"Lol, I’m not sure saying he’s gay would help as my parents are some odd mix of liberal with sex, conservative with living. They would gladly get me birth control if I needed it, but the idea of living with or even staying with a bunch of guys just makes my mother really uncomfortable for some reason. I think she just thinks they are too messy/dirty to have as roommates maybe and that it’s not appropriate to be that comfortable with living someone of the opposite sex. It’s confusing. Anyhow, I have mentioned the possibility mildly, and my mom reacted like she thought it was a joke and wouldn’t happen in a million years. So based on that, I’d say it will take convincing.</p>
<p>My guy friend is basically paying his way through college so his parents are not a concern. And he is a friend, not boyfriend. I am also an only child to living with roommates in general is something she is not used to seeing with me (when I first went off to college she offered to get me a single). As for the occasional overnight guests, I would be fine with it but we are both not the most social people in the world so I don’t honestly see it becoming a big problem. In fact he is one of those people who can spend an entire evening after homework is done on the internet in a windowless room, not talking to anyone (he lives very much that way now, and he has no roommates this year).</p>
<p>Edit: and yes we would probably share a bathroom so save money. I admit I’m not 100% positive I’ll be comfortable with him, but then again I don’t think you can ever be sure of that when going into a new living arrangement. I willing to take a chance on the fact that I will adjust to it.</p>
<p>I had two different guy housemates back in 1981 through 1983. Absolutely no drama with either of them. The girls however were a different story.</p>
<p>Honestly, is your mom not old enough to remember the sit-com “Three’s Company?”</p>
<p>Would it soften the blow any if it were more of a group house? I know of <em>lots</em> of mixed-sex shared houses (both back in my day and today) but haven’t heard about much one male/one female living situations outside of romantic relationships.</p>
<p>Just a thought. On the other hand–if you’ve behaved responsibly so far I’d hope your parents would trust you enough to make the decision on your living arrangement.</p>
<p>My D lives off campus with another girl and two guys-- not boyfriends. It is fine, except that one of the guys is kind of messy. Other than that, it’s not a big deal at all. It’s cheaper for us as well. I assume you will all have individual bedrooms. I think apartment living for older students (juniors and seniors) is a really important opportunity to learn about life in the real world.</p>
<p>I don’t think remembering “3’s company” will help the situation. Remember, Jack Tripper was a straight male who pretended to be gay in order to defraud the landlord. Many episodes dealt with Jack’s physical desires for his room-mates, but they were always a “step-ahead” of him.
I also don’t think Op is jumping to conclusions. I think I’d call it being prepared. To think now of the pros and cons as her parents might see it, she can be prepared with logical, persuasive arguments if her parents object.</p>
<p>Separate rooms, right? Agree with ingerp that calling him a “housemate” and talking about “sharing an apartment” will help.</p>
<p>D just moved into a house with a guy and another girl–separate bedrooms. It hadn’t occurred to me to be concerned. The house they live in is on a street populated by retired people. I’m sure that they remembering 3’s Company…</p>
<p>I’ll offer my opinion because I don’t think it has been put forth yet.</p>
<p>There is an old cliche, the best way to lose a friend is to be their roommate. In my experience this is often the case. It’s happened to me and it’s happened to friends of mine. Your experience with the three girlfriends sharing a kitchen sounds pretty similar to what I found with trying to share a house with three girlfriends.</p>
<p>It doesn’t make it bad, it’s just the way it is. I think your proposed shared housing situation sounds like it might be a good idea. Your instincts are telling you that your friend would make a good housemate for you and I think you should trust your instincts. As far as your parents go, you’ll just have to hope that they are open-minded enough to see this situation for what it is, you thinking your friend would be a good housemate.</p>
<p>My daughter lived with a male housemate in a two bedroom apartment. It was more than fine. Completely platonic (yes, he is gay), not all that close friends when they started, although they had know each other since 4th grade. When he graduated, her best girl friend moved in, and they had lots of fun, but lots more tension, because (a) they had more friends in common and shared a major, so more opportunities for drama, and (b) the new housemate was much messier than her guy predecessor. However, the apartment was MUCH more nicely decorated. Tradeoffs!</p>
<p>Anyway, I think the right approach for parents is – This is about living economically and having an environment that helps me feel comfortable and safe and promotes my success in school. This is the best option I have by far along those lines. It has nothing to do with sex, love, or rebellion.</p>
<p>I don’t see the issue about having separate bathrooms. Brothers and sisters grow up with unisex bathrooms; they just knock on the door. Am I missing something there?</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone here mentioned separate bathrooms, just bedrooms. We would probably just get a living room+bedroom and use one as a sleeping place. The one bathroom is fine, but because my mother never had male siblings and I am an only child it may be hard for her to imagine that situation.</p>