<p>shellz - you seem to be kind of put off by what I posted. You did ask about how to be a good guest, right? I gave my view about what I would do. Or did you just want everyone to tell you what a great guest you will be to your son and his other guy roommates when you visit? If that’s the case, here is my revised post.</p>
<p>“You must be SO proud your son has launched. Now he has his own place with 5 other guys, and to think he would offer his place for you to use, you must be very happy. In exchange, he probably would be thrilled to have you clean his house from top to bottom while you are there.”</p>
<p>I absolutely count myself among the folks who stay at hotels when visiting their adult kids. But you can still note any, um, differences in housekeeping standards in a 3-hour visit. And might have time to surreptitiously clean the microwave during same. :)</p>
<p>We have visited S#2 in his city often. Would never dream of staying with him as he is a total slob, as were his roommates. I did do some cleaning one year and found, in a pile of unpooened mail, an envelope from muySl which I knew contained a birthday check! I also have cleaned the kitchen just a bit, but it was truly gross. Stopped quickly. He claims to be neather and cleaner now that he is living with his gf. This remains to be seen.</p>
<p>I think this is a fine line. I don’t really want my mom to comment on my cleanliness or to clean my house so that is what I try to do with my own kids. I want to visit the kids stress free and do not want to stress them out thinking that their place isn’t clean enough. </p>
<p>S lives with his gf and their place is always clean. I know that it is not my s who is piloting that ship lol! But she makes him clean up and he does willingly so good for her. </p>
<p>My D is busy with work and her social life and her place was not that clean. I did not clean her bathroom even though I really really wanted to. Although when she was in college I cleaned the bathroom before I used it, it was really bad then. She was super busy that semester and appreciated the help.</p>
<p>I admit to organizing more than cleaning. when son first in grad dorm, I did compliment him on its being “neat”. (He had borrowed the vacuum, but not dusted–1 could write their name in dust). I rearranged his room, then started on kitchen. I asked the roommate if that was okay before I started. He sweetly asked me if I had suggestions for his room.</p>
<p>They have an apartment now with others, and have someone clean. I think that is a very wise use of money. Though I don’t stay with him, the bathroom and kitchen were clean.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, he is in process of finding a new apt and roommates for his 1 year internship. Hard to imagine he’ll have such a nice situation. (I shouldn’t be pessimistic.)</p>
<p>I remember stopping at a gas station on the way to visit our oldest son at his first apt., and commenting to my H that I might be better off using the gas station restroom than the one at our son’s. Boy was I right!! His bathroom was disgusting- and he was so proud that they had just cleaned it! Of course with 4 boys in an apt. along with the 4 extra bodies crashed on couches, I guess it doesn’t last long. We have never stayed with our kids as there has never been enough room. I have cleaned up before, but only after asking if I could help. I have helped kids move and always chipped in to clean the old and new places. Our oldest D owns her house and I have a key for emergencies (would never use it without permission). They keep it very clean, but recently when I knew she and her H were swamped, I asked her H what he thought about me going in and cleaning one day. He gave me permission so I just did routine cleaning of common areas and bathrooms, but left bedrooms alone. They were both appreciative. When my mother or MIL visited when our kids were little, it was so nice to come home and find the house dusted, laundry folded, kids bathed and dinner ready! I never had a problem with unexpected cleaning!</p>
<p>When we are guests in a home I always chip in by stripping the bed when we are done, cleaning up the kitchen after meals,etc. but never heavy cleaning. I do always squeegee the shower if there is a squeegee, as I feel it is only considerate as a guest.</p>
<p>My mother hates it when people strip the bed without asking first. The reason is once the is stripped, the dirty sheets get piled up in the laundry room. She would rather strip the bed (she considers it to be a very easy task) when she is ready to wash the sheets, which could be a day or two later. </p>
<p>I would (my personal view) treat my kid’s roommates to a nice meal or stock them up with grocery they all use. Maybe getting a cappuccino machine, a blender…something they could use around the house as a thank-you gift.</p>
<p>Some people (not me) keep a squeegee in the shower stall to help prevent athlete’s foot or other fungus type transmissions among the people already living there. I was told about this when I stayed at a friend’s house recently, so just followed suit. I have no idea if it’s effective, but they believe it, so I’m being that good guest. </p>
<p>If my kid had a squeegee in their apartments, it’d either be a film prop (S-2), or in that stack of stuff he stockpiles to sell on Ebay (S-1). D would hang necklaces on it.</p>
<p>I also don’t like people stripping the bed without asking . </p>
<p>My H and I have stayed with my older son a few times in his DC apartment. He has one roommate who we like and we take them out to dinner. We have never stayed more than one night in a row. Haven’t cleaned but have brought some groceries. Hotels in DC where he is are expensive so it helps to stay with him and use our money on taking people out to dinner instead. I do think our son would be honest with us if he really didn’t want us to ever stay with him. We are probably in the minority here with this but so far it seems to be okay. Can’t really stay with younger son in northern Virginia because he has 2 roommates and does not have his own bathroom . His brother has his own bathroom which we use when we stay there-do not use his roommate’s bathroom .</p>
<p>I should qualify my comments- I do ask before stripping the bed and have also actually washed sheets after asking.</p>
<p>Puzzagirl- I never had a problem with my MIL “neatening” my place because she was always respectful. She would never have rearranged things, only dusted, vacuumed, dishes, etc. when my H and I were working 50+ hours a week with little kids, we spent our weekends catching up. To have someone clean for us so we didn’t have to do it on the weekend was very welcome!!! Fortunately my MIL is the sweetest woman on earth- maybe it would be different with another MIL!!!</p>
<p>I would never stay with one of my Ds if they were living with roommates, whether the roomies were there or not. None of my Ds have roomies that aren’t significant others so they’re all in a different situation but if they weren’t, I would be happy to stock the fridge and cook, and if my D wanted me to clean, I’d be happy to do that. I wouldn’t do it without asking, though, and what cleaning I did would only be in common areas. It may be different with girls but I’ve never felt that my Ds’ houses/apartments needed me to roll up my sleeves and start cleaning. :)</p>
<p>I should qualify one of my comments as well. I said I don’t clean and by that, I mean, I don’t do any heavy cleaning when we visit. But we do things like put dishes we’ve used in the dishwasher, clean up any mess we’ve made,etc.</p>
<p>My initial reaction was that you shouldn’t do anything the boys don’t ask you to do in the way of heavy cleaning, but I wonder if it is different for boys. I remember when my fiance and I made the 3 hour drive the first time to visit his mother so I could meet her, and he brought back a cake pan he’d had for over a year since her last visit when she’d brought him a birthday cake. When we arrived he had me grab the cake pan out of the backseat to hand to her and I realized that, in the year he’d had it, he’d never bothered to clean it for her! I was horrified! I pulled him aside and said, “listen, fair or not, now that you have a woman living with you-- it is me who people will blame when you do this kind of stuff! Have some manners!” It never occurred to him to clean it, and it still wouldn’t. His mom came to stay for Christmas Eve and it was me who told him, like five times, to clean the hall bathroom (“his” bathroom normally) so his mother wouldn’t have to use a dirty bathroom, it would never have occurred to him. It was me who thought to put out clean towels and make sure there was enough toilet paper, it was me who noticed he gave her the ratty towel and thought to switch it. I am the one that would be embarrassed if she started cleaning, I am the one who would feel judged, I doubt that he would notice or care. I think maybe boys are different, and my fiance is nearly 30 years old and has been living on his own going on 10 years. He is a wonderfully thoughtful and kind man but hospitality to guests, especially family who are so close they don’t feel like guests, is not on his radar. Me, I am trying REALLY hard to be hospitable, so if you start cleaning the bathrooms I am horrified that I didn’t do well enough, but if the boys aren’t going out of their way to be hospitable… well… maybe they don’t care!</p>
<p>I really don’t think either of my older kids, one boy and one girl, would care at all if I did or did not clean. But, having spent years telling them I am not their maid when they lived here I don’t know why I would start cleaning up their messes now. lol.</p>
<p>Son is at a college with maid service. Good grief. And he complains about things getting moved or dishes not being done. Daughter is a total, hopeless slob.</p>
<p>Actingmgt, you are so right. I’ve uttered those same words on many occasions! My cleaning would be more along the lines of personal preservation…counters on which to make a sandwich, the bathroom area I am using, etc. no really heavy cleaning, as I hate doing it at home so doing it on vacation/trip is not appealing. </p>
<p>Oldfort…good heavens. I don’t know what to say. Snark like you dished out is what can keep folks from asking questions. I never discounted ANYONE’S advice, simply noted that someone’s choice in decor, style etc would neve be up for comment…at kids place or otherwise. And if you did read carefully, I said we would play our choice of accomodations by ear when visiting and some/all roomies were there. Maybe a hotel would be nice.</p>
<p>Ema-boys ARE different. In so many wonderful and weird ways. My sons are both going to need women who will remind them of the finer points of the social graces. S 1 would have returned the pan dirty as well But may have needed many reminders to even do that!</p>
But may have needed many reminders to even do that!</p>