<p>"At an extreme, if one imagines a house in which food is prepared outside the home and delivered, which has a cleaning service come in, where the kids have transport to school, etc., then we could say “mothering” is part of the time freed up by the removal of those chores. That part, things like reading books together, was restricted in the past by the need to do household labor to survive. "</p>
<p>Whoa. Why are food preparation and household chores part of “mothering”? The food gets eaten by everyone in the household. The clean clothes / house benefit the whole household. Pull mothering apart from household management and see where the analysis takes you.</p>
<p>A widowed father who has a cook or orders take-out isn’t seen as outsourcing fatherhood, is he? Why is it that fatherhood is associated with the relationship, but motherhood brings to mind /is seen as inseparable from household chores?</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, this article caught my attention because we have a young lawyer with a 16 month old at home, whose next child is due soon. She runs with a pretty health-conscious crowd, some of whom were aghast that she wasn’t making her own organic baby food at home. I reassure her on a regular basis that a lot of what the other moms in the neighborhood are doing is not necessary to be a good mother.</p>
<p>Why are food prep and household chores part of mothering? I would guess that’s why Home Econ used to be part of the school curriculum.
My initial reaction is economics–if you can afford to source out those duties that is great. If not, good food and a clean home and the ability to provide both is the best environment to raise a happy family.</p>
<p>Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Coupled with housework and cooking and chauffering and nursing and laundress…how could it NOT be a job, Non paying, of course. Still, quite a job.</p>
<p>Because H and I work full time, and H has a very unpredictable schedule, we have a housekeeper. Have I “outsourced motherhood” since I wasn’t scrubbing my own toilets or changing the sheets? H and I look at it as something WE do that benefits US, not me outsourcing “my” stuff.</p>
<p>I read this stupid article twice, and I’m still not sure what her point is. I’m sure her editor’s point is to stir the pot; when in need of headlines or mentions or retweets, nothing succeeds like getting women to argue about their choices and/or society’s acceptance or rejection of those choices. I notice that men rarely feel the need, or have their choices called into question so much!</p>
<p>Does that mean that my 93 yo grandmother has a job because she cooks, cleans, pays her bills, etc.? Where is the line between “daily activities of life” and “job”?</p>
<p>If I pick up the phone and call my insurance company because I have a question, it’s clear that the person on the other end of the line has a job - he or she works for the insurance company. If I go grocery shopping, the checkout person clearly has a job working for a store. Do I have a “job” by virtue of needing insurance or groceries? </p>
<p>If so, does that mean when I go to Safeway, I am doing my job since I’m buying groceries for my family, but not when I go to Starbucks, since I’m buying coffee only for myself?</p>
<p>Re music222 – it is not a matter of “succeeding” in life.</p>
<p>An example – generally speaking, the value of being a stay at home mom is not considered equal to the value of being a working mother.</p>
<p>The “work” of mothering (however one chooses to define it, may involve cleaning toilets, it may not) is not recognized, perhaps because it is not paid, perhaps, because, as you say, it is a choice.</p>
<p>The working person is doing something that others outside her household find valuable, hence they pay him or her. The at-home person may be doing valuable work but it is not of value to others outside the household. Which is not a condemnation. It’s important for me to hold my mom’s hand as she goes through cancer treatment, but it’s not valuable something anyone will pay me for.</p>
<p>“The “work” of mothering (however one chooses to define it, may involve cleaning toilets, it may not)”</p>
<p>Well, that’s the problem. How do you define it? Is Michelle Obama not a mother since she’s not changing her kids’ sheets or cooking their meals? How do you define the essence in a way that isn’t tied to specific homemaking tasks that can be performed by anybody hired to do the job? You’re not less of a mother if your kids take a bus to school, you buy preprepared food or go out to eat, or outsource the laundry. What’s the core immutable?</p>
<p>Momhood is not a job. It is a relationship–being a good daughter or son doesn’t get any bigger paycheck than being the mom or dad. Some do better than others as in any relationship. It takes a lot of time and commitment–just like maintaining a good marriage or taking care of elderly parents for example. Nobody pays you to do the thousand little things you do daily whether you have kids or not. And it all takes time. Different consequences and outcomes. I never expect or expected to have any criticism or added benefits for my actions in personal decisions from outside sources.</p>