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<p>Universal? Does this mean I lose my motherhood status if I am enjoying the empty nest? :)</p>
<p>No, buena vista. What I meant was that every parent faces a transition from pareting in the home to a more distant type of interaction. Whether one enjoys it or doesn’t, it is a transition. It’s wonderful that you are enjoying it. I hope to do so someday, but I really can’t imagine that.</p>
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<p>This is the bottom line. (I confess that I have not read the entire thread, AND that although I have been a SAHM and a “working” mother, I truly detest the term “mom,” which seems to be favored by the sort of woman who seems to think that she is unique in having reproduced.)</p>
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<p>lol! Isn’t that true.</p>
<p>One of the most annoying women I know is, as she endlessly reminds us all, the mother of four children. She was the president of my church, and was constantly yapping about “families.” Of course, those of us who had children that were older than HER children weren’t real “moms” and didn’t have real “families.” People whose children were grown weren’t “families.” People who were single or childless didn’t have “families.”</p>
<p>After a couple of years of her “leadership” I was ready to leave, and had developed an allergic reaction to the term “family” as well as “mom.”</p>
<p>Oh, and BTW, I talk to my mother just about every day, and she is still mothering me although she is 89 and I am 59 and I handle a lot of her affairs and she doesn’t drive me anywhere or do my laundry.</p>
<p>And don’t get me started on how I feel about the verb “parenting.” Gag me with a spoon…</p>
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<p>[1%</a> Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible - Elizabeth Wurtzel - The Atlantic](<a href=“1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible - The Atlantic”>1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible - The Atlantic)</p>
<p>so -if we pay someone to take care of our children eight hours a day, that is a job. If we do it ourselves, it is not. Because we aren’t being paid. Maybe we should get fathers to pay any woman who provides primary childcare for their children a wage? Or vice versa? </p>
<p>What do we think about very low salaries for child care workers? Why is this such a low class job?</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>[Why</a> Women Still Can?t Have It All - Anne-Marie Slaughter - The Atlantic](<a href=“Why Women Still Can’t Have It All - The Atlantic”>Why Women Still Can’t Have It All - The Atlantic)</p>
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<p>Because it is a low skill job.</p>
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<p>Wow. I wouldn’t have survived ten minutes with that woman.</p>
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<p>OTHER people are taking care of OTHER children. That is why it’s a job.</p>
<p>so complicated, and so simple at the same time…is it a job, well it surely is work. </p>
<p>hard to discuss some of these issues, without it devolving into some version of “mommy wars” and I do not ever want to contribute to that…</p>
<p>When my kids were very young, I worked part time, and that was a great arrangement for me, as I was surprised at how strong the pull was to be home with my babies. I worked full time since my youngest was 3, and primarily supported all three kids after divorcing my spouse. Our experiences influence us all. I am proud of what I accomplished and remained quite devoted to my kids, continuing to be the mother I saw myself as even though I no longer had a partner. otoh—I neglected myself to be able to do so, and as I’ve matured I see that indirectly takes it’s toll on children. So go know. My point is we all do the best we can do in the moments we do it. There are also stages to what it means to mother. I was with a one year old at a family celebration just last night, and this cherubic toddler reminded us all how literally every second one is completely engaged in mothering, following him around to keep him safe, noting his moods, needs, teaching, talking, holding etc. clearly preaching to the choir here, I realize.</p>
<p>but dare I say on the other end of the spectrum is a mother whose kids are in their thirties and forties who continues to call herself a stay at home mom. um, who exactly is she home with??</p>
<p>“Love slave”–that’s what I put on my tax return.</p>
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<p>Great point. I think work and a job are two different things.</p>
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<p>I think it’s silly when they say stay at home mom when their kids are in college or even in high school.</p>
<p>“This is the bottom line. (I confess that I have not read the entire thread, AND that although I have been a SAHM and a “working” mother, I truly detest the term “mom,” which seems to be favored by the sort of woman who seems to think that she is unique in having reproduced.)”</p>
<p>You and me both, Consolation. I hate when politicians refer to “moms.” i think its cutesy and demeaning. I’m a mother. Only two people on this planet are entitled to call me mom, the ones I gave birth to.</p>
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so -if we pay someone to take care of our children eight hours a day, that is a job. If we do it ourselves, it is not."</p>
<p>Yes. The same way that if I prepare dinner for myself, it’s not a job, but if you hire me to be your personal chef and I make you dinner, it’s a job. The same way that if I make my own bed, it’s not a job, but if a housekeeper in a hotel makes a guest’s bed, it’s a job. The same way that if I answer my front door, it’s not a job, but Wal Mart greeters and hotel doormen have jobs.</p>
<p>In my experience child care/parenting can require incredible skills.</p>
<p>"Maybe we should get fathers to pay any woman who provides primary childcare for their children a wage? Or vice versa? "</p>
<p>Why? That’s just part of being a family, if that’s how that particular family chooses to divide things. I don’t offer to pay my husband for mowing the lawn or changing the oil or taking out the trash. Those are things he does to benefit the household. Likewise, he doesn’t pay me when I manage the bills or decorate the house.</p>
<p>“In my experience child care/parenting can require incredible skills.”</p>
<p>But you don’t get fired if you do it poorly (except in the case of actual neglect). A job implies a standard of performance. </p>
<p>Note I’m not saying parenting isn’t important or that it’s not hard work.</p>
<p>I was replying to post #46, who said the reason why child care is low paid is because it is low skilled. I disagreed. Yes, you can do a perfunctory job and just keep them fed and watered, or you can take care of their bodies but also their minds.
Most people in our neighborhood pay nannies pretty well. But just as when my kids were younger, there also seems to be an awful lot of stay at home parents/ people with flextime or work at home jobs.</p>
<p>There are short order cooks who get paid minimum wage and chefs who make millions. Presumably the chefs “do it better” than the minimum wage cooks. No such quality metric exists for motherhood or any other relationship (being a daughter, wife, friend, etc.). </p>
<p>You don’t get bonus points if your kid goes to HYP :-)</p>
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<p>Excellent point.</p>
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<p>Child care is a low skilled job. Teens take care of their brothers and sisters and babysit all the time. You don’t need to take a class or go to college to raise a child. You don’t need to take a class or test in order to bring a child into this world.</p>