<p>Do you think it is possible to be friends with an ex?</p>
<p>Maybe, but not in the beginning. It varies on a couple-by-couple basis.</p>
<p>I’m friends with several of my exes. Totally fine.</p>
<p>You do need a break though right after the end of the relationship.</p>
<p>One of my exes is one of my best friends now. We weren’t together very long, though, and it took about a year to get to that point.</p>
<p>Two others I’m still fine being in a group of friends with but we’re not super close. One of those guys I dated for two years, but it only took about two months to get to that point because our breakup was really drama-free and we both moved on to new relationships literally within a week of each other. He and I were actually getting to be more than just accquaintance-friends and then he started dating a girl who was really jealous so we figured it was best to not try and pursue a close friendship. That’s the biggest problem with exes as friends - even if things are fine between you two, new lovers don’t always understand that.</p>
<p>My most recent ex…it’s hard, because we were in a long distance relationship, and trying to stay friends after that feels forced because it’s all via electronics. I was probably unhealthily obsessed with this guy, and he jumped right into another relationship after we broke up yet still wants to kind of be friends. Half the time our text/facebook conversation results in me getting ****ed at him because he never gave me time to recover from how much he hurt me and he always likes to talk about his current girlfriend, and half the time it’s just awkwardly polite. There have been at least three instances of me deleting his number thinking I’ll just let this peter off for good, and then a few days later he’ll text me or something saying “oh hey I was just thinking about you, how’s life?”</p>
<p>So there’s some examples of healthy ex relationships and one example of an unhealthy ex relationship. With the first guy I mentioned, especially, it’s a really good relationship - it has gotten to the point where I often forget about our failed attempt at a relationship because it’s so separate in my mind from our friendship today.</p>
<p>It depends on the situation; if you have to ask and feel forced to label them a “friend,” then probably not.</p>
<p>Advice coming from an existentialist dude with no “exs,” few friends and many acquaintances.</p>
<p>Get on that spiritual level and go with the flow! Weeeeee</p>
<p>Yes. My ex-fiance and I are still friends, but we just realized after breaking up that we have very little in common. He still comes to me for advice and such, but when you’re with someone for 5 years you have a lot of shared memories and that friendship is hard to give up.</p>
<p>My personal opinion? When I break up with a guy, it’s done and over with. I completely move on; the idea of being friends to me just hinders this process.</p>
<p>Friends yes, but not close friends. Your next significant other will very likely not like that fact that your in touch with your ex on a regular basis. Hence a girl I was potentially dating, texted, facebook each other daily, even hang out allot still<mega turnoff.</p>
<p>Last relationship we decided to stay friends and as human nature had it, the texting and such ceased (a drop from calling/texting each other several times a day) and then it turned into us not talking except for once every month or two, and the saying “Hi” when running into one another. Yes its very possible, just the maturity of both involved counts.</p>
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<p>If that’s the case, then either your new SO is insecure about your relationship or there’s evidence that you’re not over your ex and you shouldn’t be with a new SO.</p>
<p>I’m not friends with my ex. I don’t think I could with any ex. There’s a reason they’re your ex… the only situation I can think of would be a “hiatus” like my roommate has. He and his girl broke up (they had a LDR) but they basically said that if they still have feelings for each other after college, they should get back together.</p>
<p>In other words, why would they be your ex in the first place if you’re still buddy buddy?</p>
<p>it’s called the friend zone. once you check in, you don’t check out.</p>
<p>Uh the friend zone is a completely different thing. It’s unrequited lust/affection. Whereas I can’t tell you how many people I know who still have sex with their exes from time to time. Christ, either let it go or get back together with them.</p>
<p>^Very narrow perspective. Emotions are not crystalline. They are befuddled by a variety of things and are often in a state of flux. Life is difficult.</p>
<p>People overcomplicate their lives.</p>
<p>Yes that is a good point. Its just one of those standards one should have if they are serious about the relationship surviving like it is. Similar to why married couples don’t (shouldn’t) allow their husband/wife to be in regular communication with their old boyfriends/girlfriends.</p>
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<p>Because sometimes you realize you’re not in love. You can love someone and not be in love. Or you just grow apart- people change, it happens. Not all breaks are bad break ups. </p>
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<p>Seriously, can someone explain WHY? If it’s your choice, then that’s fine- I don’t care. But why can’t your SO talk to their exes if they’re friends? What business is that of yours?</p>
<p>I have a couple of scenarios and they all led to not being friends.</p>
<p>One: I met a guy, we kind of started dating immediately because we kind of had this immediate attraction to each other, but we didn’t get to see each other much and thus, it ended fairly early on and we tried to be friends after, but like I said, we didn’t see each other much.</p>
<p>Two: I knew a guy for a few years, but not very well and we would talk every once in a while and then we just started talking more and more and basically, one of our friends kind of tricked us into being set up and I ended up dating him for almost two years. After we broke up, I really wanted to stay friends, but I could tell he really didn’t want it and to this day he still in a complete jerk to me and hates talking to me for whatever reason. And it makes me very sad, because I really, really want to be friends with him.</p>
<p>Three: I became friends with this guy junior year and I knew he had a crush on my best friend. Best friend had a boyfriend. Somehow he didn’t get that notice and didn’t bother to ask me, so middle of senior year, he asks her out, she says no of course… anyways, somehow in January we started going out… And I ended up breaking it off back in September. And with this guy, I have absolutely no interest in being friends at the moment. Not really sure why. I feel bad, because I think I hurt him really badly, and well, I just don’t think we could be friends. I think I can be friends with him… but I’m not sure that he could be friends with me, and that’s just not appealing to me.</p>
<p>I think… if I were to start dating a guy who I was really, really good friends with, I’d want to establish at the beginning of the relationship that if it didn’t work, that I’d want to stay friends… but otherwise, I feel like it’s just easier to say “It’s done. It’s over. Let’s move on.” and not be friends.</p>
<p>Honest to God, I am not friends with any of my exes, except for the one that recently decided that he is gay. Once I have had a relationship with someone (mind you, all of them have been fairly lengthy), I cannot just flip a switch and say, “Okay, now we’re not a couple/lovers; now we’re just friends!” I attempted to explain this to one ex and he just didn’t get it. It probably seems a little *****y to guys when girls choose to not stay friends after a break-up, but it’s just too difficult for me to do. If I were to stay friends with an ex, any time we hung out I would constantly picture the way we used to be. I could never, ever do that. That’s why when I am asked out by close guy friends of mine, I warn/ask them: “Are you SURE you want to do this and risk losing our friendship, because I am not capable of being friends with someone that I have dated?”</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s about flipping a switch. For me I guess it’s less about STAYING friends and more about becoming friends again. All of my exes that I have a normal, comfortable friendship with were relatively undramatic breakups followed by a period of awkwardly not talking to each other and then gradually becoming closer again because we still went to the same school and still had a similar group of friends and just naturally started talking again as the awkwardness faded.</p>
<p>I think it’s really, really hard to stay friends with an ex if they’re not a part of your life in a context other than dating. You won’t share anything to re-build a friendship on, and the failed relationship will always be the big elephant in the room and making the effort to talk often enough to be real friends will seem forced. It’s easier if you can start small, talking about classes you share, or work, or whatever. On the flip side, that’s the WORST situation to be in if it’s a bad breakup.</p>
<p>Agreed, kenzie1992. Problem is, a good majority of my break-ups have been VERY bad, being that they were long relationships in which I invested a lot of emotions in. One in particular, though, was exceptionally bad because I (dare I say it) “fell in love” with this guy. It did not help that my maturity level was a bit above his, although he was two years older. He never understood where I was coming from because our mentalities and opinions were so different. We had so much in common, but when our opinions differed, it was like World War III.</p>