<p>There are serious alcohol addiction genes on both sides of our family (on my side, going back at least three generations). My H and I thankfully did not inherit them. As I have shared family stories with my senior son, I haven’t glossed over this, or the fact that both my H and I had first marriages to alcoholics. In middle school and HS, I have been clear about the family history, talked about family members who (like one poster above) know they could have a problem so don’t drink, etc. This is not a scare tactic; it’s just reality. Alcohol abuse and addiction cause a lot of pain–for the abuser and for those who love them. My S does not drink now. He’s not a follow-the-pack kid, but I know he probably will drink in college. However, I have faith in his common sense. If there were more serious alcohol education, maybe we’d have less of a problem. Don’t say kids just blow it off as adult overreacting; my son hasn’t.</p>
<p>toneranger- I actually did pay attention to what you mentioned- i.e. where the college drinking scene was located. Rice allows drinking on-campus and the students do NOT have to drive at all. I liked that. Same with my son’s school- it’s all walking or cabs. Some consolation…</p>
<p>Geezermon: You are very wise. Addiction genetics really are the wave of the future, and they tell us that, for the majority of kids, provided they don’t experience the acute consequences of alcohol use (drunk driving accidents, suicides, on-campus rapes and sexual assaults, etc.), they will likely come out okay. But for a significant minority (maybe 1 out of 6 in the U.S., likely higher for males of northern European descent), even a few drinks taken early, even over meals with parents, can be (isn’t always, but can be) a path toward destruction.</p>
<p>mini - for those with strong genetic history of alcoholism, are there early signs that you should watch for? How can you tell it it’s just typical college drinking or something more? I worry about my son and have talked to him multiple times about this issue…yet his attitude seems to be “Don’t worry, I’m fine”. Well for me, that was true. Never had a problem stopping when I needed to. Can’t say the same for other members of my family. It’s really quite scary to think about…</p>
<p>Mini–Yeah, I know those males of northern European descent! My siblings have had the same conversations with their kids, and so far the approach has worked, so maybe we’ll defy the genes. In some alcoholics I have known and loved, the pattern was in place by college.</p>
<p>Toneranger–I have heard (and maybe even read, I don’t remember) that those who can “hold their liquor” (i.e., can drink much more than the rest of us without “showing” the effects) are at greater risk. I am sure there is literature on this subject–both scientific and for the layperson.</p>
<p>Referring back to the title of this thread: My point is that in some cases and with some family histories, “monitoring” means a whole lot more than making sure they’re not sneaking around.</p>
<p>EDIT: Cross-posted with Mini. Thanks for the data!</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the usual signs are not those that you might easily see. These might include high or increasing tolerance (“see, I can drink 5 drinks in a row and don’t even feel a buzz”), defining a social situation as requiring the presence of alcohol, the beginnings of “withdrawal” symptoms the morning after drinking (my college roommate was an alcoholic - NEVER binge drank, never went nuts at parties, but needed a drink daily by 11 a.m. in order to function), an increase in the number of drinking days (even with one or two drinks), and occasional blackouts. At my alma mater, the percentage of “heavy drinkers” (drink nearly daily, or binge 3-4 times in a two-week period) is self-reported at 29% - likely significantly higher for white males. Roughly 60% will experience alcohol addiction or serious alcohol-related problems in their adult lives.</p>
<p>The notion that drinking past the age of 18 has anything to do with alcoholism is total crap. The drinking age in all of Europe, Australia, and Canada is either 18 or 19. Last time I checked, alcoholism statistics in the US we re not significantly better than these parts of the world. Perhaps the fact that drinking is not “forbidden” makes it less “sexy”? I first tried alcohol when I was 14, but have been drunk a total of 2 times in my life. Does that make me an alcoholic? Perhaps in the eyes of the “zero tolerance” crowd.</p>
<p>Kids drink in high school. Kids drink a LOT in college. Someone that tells you otherwise is lying. You parents are incredibly intelligent–I’m not at all insinuating that this is going on under your noses.</p>
<p>I didn’t have the energy to read this entire post, but I will say this: a solid relationship with your kids (like the one I’m sure you have with your kids) is going to protect them from any type of harm that could come from irresponsible drinking.</p>
<p>Everyone’s heard stories of kids being stupid or parents providing alcohol to their teenagers. From my personal experience, when it comes to alcohol, all you have to do is love your kids. If they do something stupid, teach them how to do the right thing next time.</p>
<p>A big part of growing up is learning how to responsibly use alcohol. Add it to your parenting repertoire and you’re going to come out on top.</p>
<p>^^^^^Beautifully said!!!</p>
<p>My post wasn’t about zero tolerance or irresponsible drinking or what the drinking age should be (for the record, I think it should be 18). It was about understanding alcoholism in a family where alcoholism has been rampant. I think that’s important. I’m not a prude or a teetotaler or a hysteric. I just want my son to know his medical and genetic history and to recognize the signs and realize the sad consequences of a disease that runs in his family (even though it has skipped a generation with me). That’s my own form of “better parental monitoring.”</p>
<p>I may be the naive parent but I truly believe my senior has never drank. She’s the first to tell me who at her very small school has drank or had sex. She tells me that she can’t imagine why kids drink and she doesn’t think she’ll like it because she hates the thought of losing control. I know she’ll drink in college but now i’m more worried she’ll be the kid with alcohol poisoning the first time because she has no idea what she’s doing and will overdo it.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing: How do we know that all of these cases where kids who don’t drink in high school do it solely because of adult supervision? Is it really so shocking that a high schooler just isn’t interested in drinking, and continues to be disinterested in it in college?</p>
<p>I can only speak to my own experience, but my mom is about as far from a “helicopter parent” as you can get. She drank heavily in high school and college, she’s pretty young for the mom of a high school senior, and she has made it clear to me that I won’t be punished for drinking as long as I’m responsible about it (not getting completely wasted, not driving while drunk, not getting in trouble with the law, etc.). I haven’t yet taken advantage of her stance on this, though. There is a lot of alcoholism in our family, including both my parents, and I don’t intend to be next in line, so I avoid alcohol now, and I will either avoid alcohol entirely or drink very minimally once I’m at college. I would like to think that I’m not alone in this.</p>
<p>Salamander, you are not alone. While I’d not be surprised if the majority of high school & college students do drink, I know that plenty do not. Their reasons may vary, but it is not as unusual as people may think. Your choice is a smart one, by the way. I wish more kids had your common sense & will power.</p>
<p>kristin5792, if I am not mistaken your home-town is a midwestern city that sits aside a big river. Try reading last week’s front pages of that city’s daily paper* if you really believe a loving relationship with parents is all that matters when it comes to teenage drinking. End result: dead father, at the hands of drunken high school son who had no idea hitting his dad in the head would result in a brain hemorrhage. He has no memory of the squabble with his dad. He is on suicide watch at the jail. His parents seem to have known he drank. I guess they just thought it was normal.</p>
<p>It is a very sad story.</p>
<p>My college age son did not drink in high school. My high school age daughter does not drink. They were/are not duds and social losers. I’m glad I live somewhere kids do not feel obliged to be like everyone else.</p>
<p>(* I decided to identify the paper. The article is from St. Louis Post-Dispatch, March 13. "Father-son bloodshed creates a “nightmare”. Looks like you have to purchase the article from the archives. It might be worth $2.95 for some of you.)</p>
<p>Peer groups are the biggest influences, and those peer groups that choose to avoid alcohol are likely to have parents that provide closer supervision. My son and his friends have a “pact” not to drink. They avoid parties where alcohol is served, and they spend most of their weekend evenings either at athletic events, public restaurants watching sports on TV, bowling, or at the homes of friends where the parents are home. During the fall soccer season the coach enforces a 10 pm curfew on the night before a game (he calls the house to make sure you are there!) Making this choice does narrow the social circle; there is a group that drinks and one that does not.</p>
<p>In our town offenders that are caught are swiftly punished and just being present at a party where minors are drinking (even when not drinking yourself) is cause for being suspended from athletics and extracurricular activities for a lengthy period of time. It is a pretty good deterrent - in contrast to the school across the country which my daughter attended, where infractions met with a slap on the wrist and many of the parents seemed to look the other way.</p>
<p>I think where we get the idea that the sheltered high school kids end up being the wildest ones is because they are the most memorable and dramatic in doing so when they do.</p>
<p>Most of my friends who didn’t drink in high school do to some degree now, but not THAT much, or not at all in some people’s cases. My main group of friends that I hung out with my senior year of high school, however, actually helped the “sheltered kids go wild” image that people have. The people who didn’t drink AT ALL during high school are the ones going wild now, and those who did do very minimally or not at all. </p>
<p>I think if people who didn’t drink in high school do a lot in college, it is because it is facilitated by a group such as being on a sports team or in a fraternity or sorority.</p>
<p>I think the key to preventing drinking among sons and daughters is to show them responsibility as a parent. Most of the students in my high school class who drink heavily live in households where they grew up watching their parents drink. Alcohol was glorified by parents at weddings, barbeques, and other events, and that seems to really have an effect on their children’s view of drinking. It’s hard to say to your child, “Remember that time your mother got drunk at your cousin’s wedding? Don’t do that in high school- it’s bad.”</p>
<p>I grew up in a household where my parents never had alcohol in the house. If one of them ever did drink, they did so on occasions when I was not there, and very moderately. They talked to me about alcohol and its consequences, but they never criminalized it. This resulted in a close relationship that makes me comfortable talking to them about challenges in my life, but at the same time I really have no desire to drink. </p>
<p>My friends don’t drink either, and it’s really great that that expectation is never pushed on me. We find other (more fun) things to do than drinking, and I think it has been a huge help to share the experience of high school sobriety with them.</p>
<p>I doubt anyone will ever figure out difinitively what causes excess underage drinking, but I expect that it comes from genetic fators, parental and peer relationships, and personal choice.</p>
<p>nurseratchet- You may be right, but your daughter would not be the first kid to play that game with his or her parents. In 10 years or so you might find out about all the high school drinking that was going on.</p>
<p>“Peer groups are the biggest influences, and those peer groups that choose to avoid alcohol are likely to have parents that provide closer supervision”.
I don’t agree with this…I think it’s much more complicated. We DID provide a good deal of supervision in high school…perhaps more than most. I’m sure our son did some drinking in high school but it was not a lot.
College is a whole different deal. Sure, kids who don’t want to drink tend to seek out others who are the same…but I don’t think it has anything to do with the level of parental supervision in high school. It’s a mix of factors.
We know some parents who insist that their kids in college don’t drink. Not sure if this is true…but I will say that they tend be a little too smug about the whole thing.
Hey, my kid drinks in college. He admits it. I’m glad he’s honest with me and I’ve taken every opportunity to warn him about the dangers. I did the best I could as a parent but I don’t like the implication that his drinking is somehow related to a lack of supervision or laxity on our part. It just isn’t. He makes his own choices. He chooses his friends. He never saw us abuse alcohol. The other parents aren’t better than me just because their kids don’t drink (assuming that’s even the case given how secretive kids can be).</p>
<p>The way that its always seemed to me is that those whose parents try to monitor them 24/7 are the ones who get free every once in a while and drink 'til they pass out. Those whose parents talk to their kids about drinking and don’t make a huge deal out of a few beers on a saturday night are the ones that know their limit and know how to drink responsibly.</p>