<p>My son has given me grey hair but he is not a bad kid. He has done his share of drinking and pot smoking but it was not an all consuming thing. He had high school friends who is wasn’t fun if drinking wasn’t involved. He wasn’t one of those. While I talked till I was blue in the face about why I was against things he is strong willed. The escaping at night was more due to the fact that he had to beat the system more then a desire to go out and party. He is impulsive more then defiant. He has never come across a wall he didn’t think it was a good idea to jump off of or scale over.
Hoping that with maturity comes some caution.
Even now that he is in college I would NOT leave him overnight alone in my house. I doubt he would have a big party but whether it is 4 kids or 100 I don’t want them drinking in my house. In my son’s case he would be more likely to have a female stay which I also don’t allow in my house.</p>
<p>I am very safe when I drink. My friends also practice very safe habits. But i mean does drinking correlate to worse academic performance in college, or less intelligence?</p>
<p>I’m sorry but you parents have absolutely no idea what is going on. The more you think you know the less you actually do. Responsible use the key, not prohibition.</p>
<p>Not many of us said anything about prohibition. Responsible use isn’t as easy as it sounds- even for adults.</p>
<p>It’s not all about the parents. It’s about the law. Face it. It’s against the law to drink under age 21. You may think the law is stupid but there’s really nothing you or I can do about it. Taking one drink is a risk. What do you risk? In PA, losing your license for 3 months. Getting kicked out of school. Losing a scholarship. For parents, serving a minor can mean big trouble. The cops out there don’t give a hoot about responsible use.</p>
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<p>I had a little chuckle at this. I mean, I partially agree with it, but also had a little snarky voice in my head that said:
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<p>What does a law mean to me…absolutely nothing. I’m not trying to sound like a rebel here, but if a law doesn’t make sense to me I won’t do follow it. </p>
<p>By the way I had my first alcohol experience in Germany with some friends when I was 15. I went into a bar, I gotta hammered, stumbled back to the hotel(Of course half of it while giving a piggy back ride) and fell asleep. I drink responsibly now. I go to parties have a few beers, never get hammered, never drink when I’ve had anything to drink that night. I smoke weed from time to time(twice a month maybe with friends), I get good grades, I feel good about myself and mostly live stress free. I’m not saying this is how everybody’s experiences with drugs(and yes, alcohol is a drug) are, but that is my experience.</p>
<p>Do you think your lack of concern for the law if you get caught will matter to your parents when they’re the ones getting in trouble?</p>
<p>Some states have laws against open containers of alcohol in automobiles. Youths also seem to forget that if they leave open containers of alcohol (or better yet, illegal drugs) in the family car and the parent (or other sibling) gets stopped, there is going to be a problem for the parent or sibling. So, it simply is incorrect to think that the student’s decisions and actions can’t involve their family.</p>
<p>Not to hijack the thread, but the attitude that “I don’t agree with the law so I don’t obey it” by the student can also get the parents (and others) in legal trouble where the student uses his parents (or in one case his grandparent’s) computer to illegally download and share music.</p>
<p>Youth is not a time when the person thinks of the ramifications of their acts on others. Nor can (or will) most youths conceive that their parents were once young and equally oblivious but now see and appreciate the risks to the youth and to the parents. It seems to be human nature.</p>
<p>Another point is to be aware of the environment when you’re out on your own after high school. Some college police forces are pretty lenient- others are tough - and think nothing of picking off students who walk home from parties - kids who may have had one or two beers or more. My son’s college handed out over 800 underage drinking citations last year - and that’s not counting the DWI and public drunkeness charges. A few of his friends have been nabbed. One had trouble finding work last summer because he couldn’t drive.
The college does some “responsible drinking” education - which is interesting given that the cops don’t seem to pay attention. I know a kid who was charged because he was in the presence of drinkers! The courts are tough too - no leniency.<br>
So, the point is to at least be aware of the risks. Binge drinking can be very risky, but even a couple of drinks can get you in trouble in some places. If you want to risk your drivers license, and so on, that’s up to you. At least, do it with knowledge. Nasty surprises are never welcome.</p>
<p>Very true toneranger. This came back to bite one of my friends’ son. This bright guy had a great engineering job lined up, everything was go, then the background check. He had an underage drinking charge when he was 20, had thought the charge was expunged (did community service) and never gave it a thought. Well, somehow the charge did show up and the job offer was rescinded—the company said there are too many good applicants out there without a blemish on their records.</p>
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Exactly. Regardless of how YOU may feel about underage drinking, or just having “one little joint,” or enjoying a bit of h.s/college silliness, it can impact your future. Plenty of colleges, employers, even potential spouses will feel exactly the same way – why take a chance on this guy, when so many others have a clean record?</p>
<p>My son is in the middle of a probation with pretty strict terms, including a lot of community service. It is for possession of a fake ID. He wasn’t even the one using this particular ID- he was already IN the bar and a friend was trying to get in with the ID. Long story, but this state takes fake IDs very seriously (NJ). Many places don’t. The lawyer cost him $5K to make sure the charge (extremely serious if convicted, due to 9/11, terrorists etc) gets dismissed after the probation. He has a probation officer and has to check in every month. All community service has to be approved beforehand on a form that doesn’t exactly make you sound like an upstanding citizen. Yep- all this just for a fake ID at age 20 3/4. Something to keep in mind.</p>
<p>And, some states classify public nudity and streaking as sex offenses that under their Megan’s law require registration of the person as a “sex offender.” </p>
<p>What may seem to a young person as “a great idea at the time” can truly have life long results.</p>
<p>MomofWildChild- in hindsight does your son regret ever getting the fake ID. Or does he think he just had bad luck getting caught?</p>
<p>Knowing my son, I think the regret is using it in NJ and, mainly, getting caught. He certainly regrets the legal fees and the probation hassle, but he sure got good mileage out of the thing at his college, where they don’t seem to care if the ID is fake. My son seems to be learning the hard way that states have the right to enforce their laws. He got off with a moderate fine, probation and total dismissal for a HUGE speeding ticket in CT a few years ago. A lesser offense resulted in a night in jail in VA, even WITH a connected, expensive lawyer. I am hoping there is a learning curve here, but I’m not totally seeing it yet. He seemed put out at Virginia (a state he KNEW had tough speeding enforcement).</p>
<p>I believe that the way that parents raise their children will affect them through out life. If a perent is very controlling a child can esither turn out to be more un social than normal or can get to college and go completlly wild. </p>
<p>This is why my advice to the parents is to not let them do whatever they want, maintain certain controll in the house, but still leave them have certain freedom and liberty in order for them to learn how to live in their own.</p>
<p>NJ–the Mafia can run wild but they put the screws to a fake ID. My state has serious issues from going broke to becoming a nanny state.</p>
<p>Barrons, Fake IDs aren’t funny anymore, with all the terrorist threats. Not that a kid using a fake ID to get beer is a terrorist threat, but they have to crack down on the whole fake ID “industry” to try to make it harder for anyone to get them. </p>
<p>And then there’s the often-mentioned true story of “Lucifer,” who posted frequently on CC about how he drank but had it all under control. He was adamant that “experienced drinkers” were less likely to have problems with alcohol poisoning. He was a freshman at Cornell majoring in engineering, when he died of alcohol poisoning. So I guess all that “experience” in high school didn’t really help him.</p>