<p>“if my parents “teen-proofed” the house, i would be in awe. it’s actually really disrespectful if you think about it.”</p>
<p>There’s nothing disrespectful about parents having rules and enforcing those rules. What is unfortunate is that not all kids can be trusted to behave responsibly and abide by parental rules. A “teen-proofed” home is really only a problem for a teen who wants to do something his/her parents do not want him/her to do.</p>
<p>overly strict parents just need to get their priorities straight. there are worse things in life than drinking.</p>
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<p>my post didn’t contradict that. obviously some rules are good, but “teen-proofing” your house is absolutely ridiculous (unless your kid is an alcoholic with a record) and shows a complete lack of trust. unless you ACTUALLY don’t trust your kid at all, don’t do things that display such suspicion…</p>
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<p>people (including teens) think and have feelings. if you really are the type of parent that would teen-proof your house, your kid is probably 1) already a rebel, or 2) cold and numb to the indentured servitude style of parenting.</p>
<p>OK. So let me get this straight.
According to the students posting here, if I have a high school kid who I suspect is drinking - or who tells me about his drinking, I should just accept it and not worry about it. Leave an empty house for the weekend with no rules or precautions. Are you kidding me? I’m not sure what everyone means by “teen proofing” but enlisting a neighbors help to call me if he sees something unusual when I’m away doesn’t seem to fit under the category of placing my child in indentured servitude. Underage drinking in my basement could get ME in BIG trouble - so what’s wrong with taking some precautions? I would love to think that I have an angel who will do everything I say. The reality is I have a good kid who sometimes does stupid things (don’t we all?)
Part of being a good parent is knowing your kid. I might have one kid, who at age 18, I would leave for a month in our house, with no concerns. With another one of my kids, I might worry about leaving for one night. There are no hard and fast rules here.
Granted, we’re taking a different approach than the parents I met at my son’s senior prom after party, who thought it was cool to give us a tour of their “beer pong” table. Dream parents I’m sure, in many kids eyes. Not happening here…</p>
<p>^^^Agree. Even “good” kids might have a few close friends over and then someone else shows up with the keg. With all the disasters you hear about, I would/did “teen-proof” extensively.</p>
<p>The teen proofing reminds me of earlier child proofing efforts. A neighbor, who has the most straight arrow kids I’ve even seen, had a new electrical service/circuit breaker installed in their home. She had locks installed on the door to the room where it was located. I was surprised, and told her I’d never think about doing that. Her reply made sense – the kids play in the basement with friends, and you just never know where their curiosity will take them. It’s the same with teens. It only takes one to make a stupid decision & the trouble can snowball. Teens invited into our homes come from all types of families, some quite responsible and some quite reckless. We have a huge responsibility to keep them safe while under our roof. It was much easier to strap the toddler in a car seat & put plugs over the electrical outlets, wasn’t it?</p>
<p>Many years ago we had a (ahem) problem with our son leaving our house at night. It was a BIG problem. My husband had our alarm system wired so that at night, if a door or window was opened, it would beep and we would know if someone had gone out (or come in). It was useful to know when our kids came in from being out with friends, etc. WildChild figured out from the internet how to defeat the alarm system with a magnet on one window. He appeared to have vanished into thin air one night when I checked and found pillows stuffed under the blanket on his bed instead of HIM in the bed!<br>
Never under-estimate a teenager.</p>
<p>Honestly, if your kid wants to drink and get messed up a lot, he’s going to do it and the more of a helicopter parent and the more crazy you are with punishment the more dangerous the measures s/he will take in order to obtain alcohol and get drunk. Really just drive home the fact that drinking and driving is an awful thing, and be honest with one another because for god sakes its your kid, you should be able to talk with them. College drinking is going to happen and people who say drinking is bad are crazy because drinking is a social activity that is a fun time (obviously excessive amounts is not but, have faith that your kid will learn and if not there’s very little one can do). Whatever this is what i think.</p>
<p>There’s really nothing a parent can do by stopping their kid from drinking. The best way to go about it is to tell them they can’t drink and drive. Offer them rides, don’t support it but don’t be ignorant. I grew up drinking and have since cut back to less than once a month but through my time i’ve seen two types of parents, those who want absolutely nothing to do with it and are complely not understanding and those who realize the times. The parents who tell their kids to be safe about it have the kids who are not afraid to call them and not on the roads drinking and driving. Its the ones who are freaked out about getting caught that were drinking and driving home at 2 oclock in the morning because their parents still make them come home not realizing what is going on. Its funny some parents think they are so much better than others simply because they are strict, when in all reality they are hurting their kids even more. Remember you are raising adults, not raising your children to be babied. I’ll admit I had my problems in high school, but luckily my parents made me figure them out on my own and I’m now sucessful in college and getting ready for dental school admissions in a year.</p>
<p>Toneranger, I would definitely stay away from endorsing drinking in your home, you can get in BIG trouble if something happens, including losing your entire house!</p>
<p>There is a difference between having rules and being overly strict and in denial. For example, many of the parents posting here admitted that they had a “no questions” asked policy for kids who are too drunk to drive.<br>
So, students, be more specific. What kind of parent would you be? Would you leave the house for the weekend with no precautions? Set up beer pong tables in the basement?
I agree that parents cannot stop their kids from drinking, but I can’t support parents who throw their hands up and give up on setting rules. There’s a middle ground.</p>
<p>“he’s going to do it and the more of a helicopter parent and the more crazy you are with punishment the more dangerous the measures s/he will take in order to obtain alcohol and get drunk.”</p>
<p>It’s almost like a disease isn’t it? People my age just…HAVE to get drunk? How disgusting.</p>
<p>Whats so wrong with drinking in college/high school as long as no one is getting very sick?</p>
<p>chicagoboy- For one thing, there are consequences such as getting kicked out of school (high school or college), losing scholarships, getting kicked off sports teams, getting arrested…I could go on and on. That said, I am one of the parents that recognizes that kids drink. I have known several kids and known OF many more who have died of either alcohol poisoning or in alcohol-related car accidents. Alcohol impairs your judgment- no question about that. It’s easy to say “call for a ride home”, but many kids (or adults) who are under the influence think they are perfectly fine.</p>
<p>chicagoboy–go read post#113 for the stats on alcohol related deaths, accidental injury, assaults by drunk students, sexual assaults, attempted suicide, unprotected sex and property damage done each year by students aged 18-24. They happen to hundreds of thousands of students.</p>
<p>MomofWildChild- my dear sweet boy also played the magnet game. Or worse was he would pull the contact out of the wall and tape it to the other side. I got so mad. He was doubly in trouble. Sneaking out plus also doing damage to the alarm system.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading this thread since I posted earlier (about genetic predispositions toward alcoholism) and feeling a big disconnect that I couldn’t identify. Now I know what it is: I don’t see drinking as a social activity. I see it as something some people do, sometimes, when they are socializing. There is a big difference. I hope my kid gets together with friends to (fill in the blanks): watch a movie, play cards, talk, eat in a restaurant, listen to music, whatever–and if he has a few beers, fine. (Note: He and his HS friends do not drink. That’s a fact.) I drink wine at my book group, have a margarita at a Mexican restaurant, have a glass of wine while I’m cooking, etc. So do many people. I was in college in the late 1960s, if you get my drift, so I’m not naive. But it just isn’t a “natural” part of young adulthood to drink until you throw up on the sidewalk in front of your neighbor’s home, as one resident of a house on my block did last weekend. (What a fun surprise that was as I went out to pick up my morning paper. Was I supposed to chuckle and say, oh, they’re just cute kids, gotta love 'em?) Or to drink until you pass out and don’t remember what happened next. Or to drink until you are rude or verbally abusive to other people. The reason drinking is such a hot topic among parents is not that we’re all controlling, over-reacting teetotalers, but that many of us wonder why extreme drinking is so acceptable.</p>
<p>Among kids, the word “party” usually means “drink.”</p>
<p>Drinking is the entertainment; it’s not something that accompanies the entertainment, the way it often is with adults. </p>
<p>This is part of the problem.</p>
<p>Parents are part of the problem sometimes, too, but can get over it if they have to. Example: teenage choir trip abroad, last dinner. It was decided to have no alcohol served at the final dinner–some parents went out for drinks beforehand, which was fine. It was a really fun evening, with lots of crazy laughing and speeches and singing (sometimes bawdy songs) and a nice example that you don’t need booze to fuel a good time.</p>
<p>Still, some parents won’t chaperone choir trips like these because the thought of not having a nightly drink is too much (they can drink on evenings off).</p>
<p>MOWC and mom60 - congratulations on surviving your very creative sons. My D is 15, and I don’t think we will have problems like those with her - but now you have me living in fear about what will happen when my 11-year old S becomes a teenager! I just know that while he is an amazing kid, he is going to be the one to make me crazy.</p>
<p>^^^ Wildchild is now 21, and I am not out of the woods. Your congratulations are premature, but thanks anyway! :)</p>