<p>07Dad: That’s an interesting article. And it all makes sense. But it doesn’t put forth any conclusions about behavior in college. We monitored our son carefully in hs - and I do believe it had an impact. College is a different story. We warned him about the risks but he’s own and fact is…MOST kids in college drink. Those strong 'no" positions mean nothing when you reach this stage. My opinion.</p>
<p>toneranger, that’s true, but a couple years more of maturity before they start may make a difference. And kids don’t forget everything they’ve learned just because they’re away from home. Heck, I still can hear my parents’ voices in my head when it comes to decisions, and I’ve been out of college for more years than I care to count!</p>
<p>07Dad, thanks so much for the link!</p>
<p>toneranger–I have researched this some before by googling “age of first drink.” It turns up several studies that find that there is a direct correlation between the age of first drink and alcoholism. </p>
<p>Because of my personal facts, I took a strong “no” position from grade school through HS. In the later part of my S’s senior year in HS, I asked him if he thought that his life after HS would include alcohol. When he said yes, I discussed these studies with him. </p>
<p>The conversation focused on the introduction of alcohol as part of your overall life. I had a mental health counselor (who my S also had met) who had observed that consumption of beer and wine with food rarely led to a problem with alcohol. I suggested that S try (1) not getting started on hard liquor and (2) try his freshman year (if he still decided to drink) to only drink beer/wine with food.</p>
<p>When we looked at the low, low percentage of alcoholics who have their first drink at 21 or after, he mentioned that if you did not start until then (like your senior year in college) you would have already had 3 years of college w/o alcohol in which to find a life that worked without it.</p>
<p>I plan to revisit the issue this summer. I agree that I can’t be there in college and that it now is up to him.</p>
<p>Finding a life that works without alcohol. Very simply put 07, but so profound.</p>
<p>I agree with both of you, lol.</p>
<p>“It’s really sad that you’d have so little regard for your parents & their home that you’d consider a party an inevitable event.” </p>
<p>Exactly what I’m saying, apparantly I’m stupid for thinking drinking isn’t inevitable as well.</p>
<p>soccer_guy- Of course there are high school and college kids that don’t drink. There are MANY reasons not to drink, and no one here is saying that drinking is inevitable. However, I think the majority of high school kids experiment with alcohol and alcohol is a huge part of social life for the VAST majority of college kids. It was in my day and it is now. This doesn’t mean every kid is destined to be an alcoholic or even an irresponsible drinker. I had my moments in high school and college, and became a very responsible drinker as an adult. My husband and I modeled responsible drinking and our daughter was what I would consider a normal drinker (perhaps below normal since she hates smoky bars) in college. Our son has not always been responsible with his alcohol use and he is certainly not alone among his peers.
He did tell me it is hard for a lot of kids at his college to fit in socially if they don’t drink.</p>
<p>soccer_guy472</p>
<p>There are stats on the prevalence of heavy drinking in college by those who did not drink heavily in HS.</p>
<p><a href=“National Drug Abuse Hotline and Treatment Locator Service”>National Drug Abuse Hotline and Treatment Locator Service;
<p>It appears that only about 20% of the HS non-heavy drinkers drink heavily once in college.</p>
<p>“having your child stay at a friends house will not discourage them from having a party at yours. i know this from experience and unless you are going to take their key from them and ban them from your home while you’re gone, as well as remove any hide-a-key, and bribe any non-family member or member with a key to not allow your son/daughter to borrow said key, then there is going to be a party. plain and simple.”</p>
<p>flyingsilverware, I feel sorry for your parents that they have raised such a self-centered and disrespectful child. To throw a party when your parents are away means that you’re doing it when they’re not there because you KNOW they would disapprove. To risk damage to your parents’s HOME, their belongings, things they’ve worked hard for and care about, not to mention the liability they would face if anyone became injured (and with a teen drinking party the odds of that are high)… </p>
<p>Wow, the world really revolves around you, flyingsilverware, huh? Next time you’re at school perhaps your parents or siblings should go into your room and trash all your stuff. Heck, it might be fun, that’s reason enough to do it, and you’re not there so they’re going to do it, “plain and simple.”</p>
<p>Let’s leave flyingsilverware alone for a second. He’s offering you another perspective, one that you should probably be excited to hear. He is the usual CCer – top of his class, Ivy-bound, etc. And he drinks!</p>
<p>The majority of people on this thread who are arguing that kids won’t drink if they’re well-parented seem to be parents. Are you in denial? Flyingsilverware is simply letting you know that there’s a good chance your kids will drink in high school and that it’s not your fault; it’s basically out of your control. Kids will be kids. I know not many like that saying, but it’s true. If your child is the one kid who doesn’t drink in high school then consider yourself lucky.</p>
<p>So how about everyone stops freaking out about flyingsilverware and his realistic view of drinking? Maybe you should all aproach it the same way as him, then you won’t be so surprised when your kids have a party when you’re out of town.</p>
<p>It’s interesting that none of you have mentioned kids in big cities with readily available public transportation.</p>
<p>i think the culture of the school is probably a better indicator. I mean, if you are at a school and most people drink, and you were forbidden to high school, you would at least try it out. If you are at a school with a non-alcoholic history, then it is relatively easy to totally stay away from that.</p>
<p>Something to keep in mind. Party at your house when your parents are gone and there’s a likelihood that someone you aren’t friends with will hear about it and show up with other friends. Sometimes fights happen, sometimes houses get trashed, sometimes a neighbor calls the police, sometimes someone dies in a drunk-driving accident. One or more of those things happens in our town on a regular basis. Considering that it’s now a felony in quite a few states for someone (kids and parents) to provide alcohol to underage kids, that’s something to consider. Kids do not have a God-given right to subject their parents to this.</p>
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<p>It is not an issue of parents trying to control their kid for no reason, it is a health and safety issue (at a minimum). For students with predisposition to alcohol dependency, extreme care and caution is essential.</p>
<p>Approximately 1/3 of college students have either alcohol abuse or dependency issues. THAT is not the majority. A student can choose not to binge drink and/or constantly drink and will not be in the minority. </p>
<p>Like a lot of bad choices, students who abuse or are dependent want to insist that “everyone’s doing it.” It is just not true.</p>
<p>Parents, keep trying! Students, it is not a right of passage.</p>
<p>I know my older daughter drank in HS and I didn’t have an issue with it. She’s had drinks with us since she was 16. BUT I would kick her out of the house if she were to throw a party at our house without our approval. To me, it is the ultimate form of disrespect. I do not invite my friends to her room to go through her private stuff without her permission, why should she have the right to have people over to my house without my permission. Respect goes both ways.</p>
<p>i’m just saying this in my defense, and once again not to be assaulted. i have very much regard for my parents and their belongings. all valuables we locked up, anything fragile placed in a locked room, and the number of people at my house strictly regulated. i was not meaning to imply that i had some all out, open-house party, but merely a group of say 17 of my closest friends over to have a good time. sorry for the misunderstanding. please don’t berate me for my views, i meant no harm.</p>
<p>and sammielue21, thank you for having my back. again, i meant no harm.</p>
<p>thank you, and goodnight.</p>
<p>flyingsilverware, it would be great if parties could be kept to just friends, but there must be something in the stars that tells other kids that a party is going on and pretty soon there are 50 people instead of 17. It’s not that the partying kid wants this to happen.</p>
<p>flyingsilverware: I appreciate your honesty. You are reminding me why we rarely go away when my son is living at home…even though he’s 20! I hate to say that I don’t trust him…but I know he must be tempted. The isolated weekends when we have been away, we have talked to our neighbor and he’s happy to be on “alert”, so I don’t think my son has tried anything other than having a couple of friends over.
It IS serious business though…we know of parents in the community who got in HUGE trouble when their son hosted a party with booze when they were away at the shore. Wow. All over the newspapers. No-one got hurt but the police were called and found many under-aged drinkers and they are very strict around here. Parents were charged even though they weren’t there. So you are taking a risk - not just for yourself- but for your poor clueless parents. And 17 kids sound like a lot to me…</p>
<p>i completely understand what you are saying and do agree, if there is any way that a party can be prevented, by all means do so.</p>
<p>i merely meant to give the warning that we, as teenagers, can be indeed sneaky. not all, but we do exist.</p>
<p>When D (a big party girl) was a senior in HS we left town for the weekend, something we avoided at all costs until that point. We called our local police, told them we were leaving our 18 yr old daughter home alone for the weekend, and asked them to keep the house on their patrol. They were very appreciative. Then, we told D that we had informed the police of our upcoming absence, and that if there were more than two cars parked in front of the house there would be trouble.</p>
<p>It worked pretty well.</p>
<p>hahahha, teen-proofing the house. </p>
<p>but really, when you take away that many freedoms, the chances increase that your kid is going to rebel. i say a certain degree of trust is necessary to ensure a healthy relationship or at least maintain your kid’s sanity.</p>
<p>if my parents “teen-proofed” the house, i would be in awe. it’s actually really disrespectful if you think about it.</p>
<p>and if you trust your knowledge of statistics more than you trust your knowledge of your own kid, you should probably change your ways. the vast majority of people aren’t perfectly represented by the numbers (just like most SAT-takers aren’t represented by the mean scores). so take the time to get to know your kid before treating them like an alcoholic and “teen-proofing” your house.</p>