<p>To provide another perspective, I’m an American high school senior who grew up in Europe. I’ve always had the freedom to make my own choices, and I’m incredibly grateful for the independence my mom has given me. I really do subscribe to the view that making alcohol taboo will increase the likelihood of over-use, especially after juxtaposing European and American drinking culture. In regards to all decisions, one has to trust in the tools s/he has given his child growing up, and thus allow them to develop their own moral compass. Personally, the independence I’ve been given has allowed me to make responsible decisions free from social pressures; I’m not involved with the party scene at my school despite having many friends who binge drink every weekend. I consider myself lucky to have had such independence growing up: I can handle uncomfortable social situations knowing that I’m making the right decision and that I’m making it for myself.</p>
<p>In many places in Europe, the drinking age IS lower than the driving age.</p>
<p>Kids drank when I was in high school, and they drink now. And there are parents who stick their heads in the sand, convinced their kid isn’t doing it. And there are enablers, who host parties with alcohol at their homes or even go so far as to provide it. There was a mom like that when I was in school…her son was a full-blown alcoholic by the time we graduated.</p>
<p>soccer guy- I hope your post was a joke. Otherwise, it could possibly be the most stupid thing I have ever read on this forum! Congratulations.</p>
<p>Hmm…interesting that you think it’s a joke. Tells me a lot about your own family situation. I’m 18, my mother has never touched alcohol and talks about how she’d “Never do it because besides being pointless, it’s like trying to ‘fit in’ and I never do anything just because everyone else is.” I feel the same way now…why try to fit in? So yes, I believe what I said in my post from my personal experience.</p>
<p>I just have to post again…it blows my mind that people think my post is “the most stupid thing on this forum” because I said good parenting can be a factor in stopping alchohol abuse. Have you all really had such bad experiences in raising responsible children that it has caused you to give up hope that it can even be done? Teenagers, College students – we’re not monolithic. We don’t all want to rebel against society and what our parents tell us. We don’t all want to try beer and drugs as soon as we get away.</p>
<p>Good parenting is always nice. However, the best parenting does not always prevent underage drinking. You are a random sample of one. There are many of us on this forum with a lot more experience in life and in parenting than you have. I think your post, which I did NOT interpret as just referring to your own personal situation, is very naive and downright laughable. I also could point out countless families where the kids do not follow the parents’ religious leanings.
In our particular family I have one who won’t go near a church unless forced and one who is a postulate (Episcopal priesthood-bound). Bad parenting on our part?</p>
<p>The point is that kids don’t wait until they get away to try alcohol. They do it in high school! I’m glad you are so respectful of your parents and share their values. Kids DO like to experiment and test limits, though.</p>
<p>You’re right…not every kid follows their parents religion…I was being general. My feelings are the same, however. I think the “Don’t do it cause it’s bad.” approach is wrong. It should be attacked from a different angle, the angle my mother used, about why would anyone ever wanna do anything that makes them “fit in”.</p>
<p>You’re assuming that parents would want to stop consuming alcohol in order to prevent their kid from having it early. It’s much more challenging to continue doing using it yourself while getting your child not to start early.</p>
<p>Not all parents consume alcohol to begin with. Why the heck does everyone drink alchohol anyway? I SERIOUSLY don’t get it…it’s like assumed that everyone does…</p>
<p>alright i’m going to say this not to start (or continue) a heated debate but just to get it off my chest. when it all comes down to it, parents have sincerely little to no say in how a kid is going to act in regards to alcohol, and that’s not to get parents to stop trying. please, if parents were to stop telling kids to drink there would be quite a problem. but kids don’t always, even often, drink to fit in. maybe thats how it starts, not in my case per se, but thats certainly not what it ends up. and its not alcoholism, because i know many, including myself, who don’t do it often. as any teen who drinks knows, however, sometimes its just nice to have a night simply as a break from the onslaught of STRESS put on by parents about school, about life, about COLLEGE. and this is not from the mouth of some wild kid who’s parents are consistently arguing with him about keeping up grades. i just got into an ivy, i’m 3rd in my class, i’m not doing terrible. it’s just that sometimes its nice to kick back a few beers with friends and talk nonsense. So yes, its obvious that parents should continue to attempt to get kids not to drink, but it’s going to happen. there’s certainty in that.</p>
<p>also, in regards to the contrast between european and american drinking ages, i definitely agree with the european stance on a personal level. i grew up in a greek household where wine at dinner was not only for the parents, and at this point i never feel the need to “chug” everything with an alcohol content. making it more open certainly removes the novelty of drinking, and that is something i strongly believe.</p>
<p>lastly, i dont remember which page of this said this, but having your child stay at a friends house will not discourage them from having a party at yours. i know this from experience and unless you are going to take their key from them and ban them from your home while you’re gone, as well as remove any hide-a-key, and bribe any non-family member or member with a key to not allow your son/daughter to borrow said key, then there is going to be a party. plain and simple.</p>
<p>over and out.</p>
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<p>Because it can be helpful to loosen up a little bit in social situations. I’m a bit of a stiff person and tend not to relax around people very easily, so usually when I’m at parties nowadays I’ll have a beer or two so I’ll relax a little bit. I can never have more than that because I get terrible indigestion, though. :(</p>
<p>Asking why people drink alcohol is like asking why people like to eat chocolate. It can help make them feel good. Though I have to say I feel more depressed eating a bunch of chocolates while doing homework to try and cheer myself up than friends and myself getting a 6-pack to help our late-night homework session go a bit easier.</p>
<p>I suppose so. -shrug-</p>
<p>soccer_guy - appreciate your post and thought I would chime in. I’d say it’s a question of how strongly the student has personalized what’s gone on around them (mimicry versus actual belief, perhaps). I teach lots of college freshmen and quite a few juniors and seniors; it is always interesting to see the similarities and changes between First Day of First Semester and Last Day of Last Semester. Many come in with a strong sense of self-knowledge and stay pretty true to that throughout; many also come in with a “strong sense” of self-knowledge and, three years later, are completely different people (for better or for worse). I’d agree that good parenting would, in part, be defined as that which gives someone growing up the tools, freedoms, and senses of obligation to truly learn who they are and what their rights and responsibilities are.</p>
<p>With respect to alcohol - I should first go for full disclosure. I’m a Scotch fan, and I moderate a weekly wine tasting gathering for our seniors and select juniors (all of whom are of age; I like being employed). I enjoy both the taste of it and the feeling of it in moderation. And I feel that, done properly events like those and other social events at which drinking is a part, a culture can be created that diminishes “drinking to get drunk” while advancing the notion that, for people who enjoy it, a glass or two can be a part of a social experience.</p>
<p>I agree with you that it should <em>not</em> be assumed that “everyone drinks” or that everyone should. There are many people who choose not to and, I would think, many many more who shouldn’t or who certainly shouldn’t to the degree that they are. I guess the question would be whether it is necessary or sufficient to have good parenting to know into which category you fit, or how good parenting correlates with a person’s drinking participation or behavior. And, of course, an easy answer would be to define it in reverse - “Good parenting is that which leads to responsible drinking behaviors in those parented” :-D</p>
<p>To me, it is more a case of parental respect and the relationship between a parent and child. As my own personal “random sample of one,” my parents made different choices about alcohol and my relationship with and respect for them was such that I have chosen to drink, but not until I was 21; I have different limits for different occasions and I always make sure to have enough cash for the cab ride home.</p>
<p>I certainly agree with you that hypocrisy generally does not provide the intended lesson particularly well 
I would say, however, that the “immersion” that happens away at school can have a tremendous influence on a person, despite firmly set beliefs and reinforced sensibilities.</p>
<p>hahahaha. Parents , parents … never ever hear the old adage? The more lockdown you become, the more rebel they become. Lots of goodie two shoes in high school, first week of college, the bottle breaks and they all get drunk / do stuff they haven’t done their entire life.</p>
<p>Best advice… be relaxed. Let them have a few cold ones before college starts so it wont be a huge deal when time comes around for college. After all, the drinking age of the entire world, except the US, is at 18 for a reason.</p>
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<p>This may very well be true–there’s probably no other country in the world with as many drivers who are under 21 as there are in the US (that WAS the reason for changing the legal drinking age to 21. Imagine how less safe our roads would be without this law? Now if only we could keep less experienced drivers from using cell phones while driving). </p>
<p>There are some good reasons for limiting certain privileges of younger people - such as trying to save a few lives (and maybe a few brain cells as well).</p>
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It’s really sad that you’d have so little regard for your parents & their home that you’d consider a party an inevitable event. </p>
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This is it in a nutshell. It’s pretty clear that kids who engage in frequent drinking, or like Flyingsilverware, would find nothing out of the ordinary with planning parties in their parents’ absence, have dysfunctional relationships with their parents & do not respect them.</p>
<p>There have been studies done (and no, I can’t pull them up at the moment) that show that parents actually have more influence on their teens’ drinking and drug use than may be widely believed. The issue is not one of “What do you say about drinking? What do you tell your kids about drugs?” but “What is your relationship with your teen?” The stronger the relationship generally, the less likely it is that kids will drink heavily or do drugs regularly. These are not the “lockdown” parents, but the ones who respect their teen and whom the teen respects. </p>
<p>Does this apply directly to any particular family? No. There are “lockdown” parents whose kids rebel, and lockdown parents whose kids don’t. There are lax parents whose kids drink to excess, and lax parents whose kids don’t. The variables are so many that it is not possible to predict, in any particular family, what will happen.</p>
<p>But that doesn’t mean that parents give up or that parenting (I hate that word!) has no effect. We parents, for the most part, do the best we can and hope we’ve made a difference.</p>
<p>Chedva-- here is a link that addresses a recent study about parents attitudes towards alcohol and drugs and their children’s behavior.</p>
<p>[Parents</a> Affect Teens’ Drug Decisions](<a href=“http://children.webmd.com/news/20051209/parents-affect-teens-drug-decisions]Parents”>http://children.webmd.com/news/20051209/parents-affect-teens-drug-decisions)</p>
<p>I read the study to reflect that statistically there is a much greater likelihood that there will be alcohol use by the child when the parent doesn’t take a strong “no” position.</p>
<p>O7, That makes perfect sense. Kids are rebellious. If parents just assume drinking is going to happen, and in some cases facilitate their teens’ drinking, then the teens will be more & more outrageous as they seperate from their parents. Good old human nature. So removing strong “no” positions is likely to backfire & lead to riskier behavior. Kids do want strong “no” positions, even if they continue to push against them.</p>