<p>D’s 21st birthday this week. Her boyfriend’s mom gave her a gift (an online subscription to something she likes). The bf’s family lives in another state (a couple of hours from their college, we live several states away). D has stayed with their family a few times, and they invited her on a family weekend in New York last summer. Bf has visited our house a couple of times as well. D always takes a hostess gift to bf’s mom, and has a warm relationship with her. I like the bf, too. However, it has not occurred to me to give him a birthday gift, although I do make suggestions to D for him if I think of something (eg, a book on a subject I thought he would like, which she gave him last year for his birthday).</p>
<p>Just curious - do you give gifts (on any occasion) to your kid’s bf/gf? I am not feeling obligated to do so from my side at this time, but am curious what you do (or what your kid’s bf/gf’s parents do).</p>
<p>I suppose if your child goes quickly through BF/GF that might be a different story. I did recently buy both a Bday gift and Christmas gift for my son’s GF of slightly less than one year. She lives in our town and when they are both home, we see her frequently. I do it because I really like her, not because I feel I should.</p>
<p>D1´s current boyfriend graduated from college this Dec, I got him a gift (leather belt) because it was a mile stone. He was over at our place around Christmas, so I got him a dress shirt. I didn´t do that for D1´s previous boyfriend because I didn´t get the sense they were that serious.</p>
<p>Both D’s have had long-term boyfriends. I started including them in gift-giving after they’d been around for a year or so. We’ve given birthday, Christmas, and HS graduation gifts. At Christmas, we also shared some homemade goodies to the BF’s family.</p>
<p>Same situation with oldest daughter last year - Christmas and birthday gifts from boyfriend’s family - his parents are divorced; both mom and dad gave gifts to d. Since then on our part - well, no birthday gift - I’m not quite sure of the date anyway. We did give a graduation gift and then a Christmas gift this year. He spent Christmas Eve with our family, so everything just sort of fell into place. Upcoming birthday … if he ends up around here at that time, then yeah (and if I know it’s his birthday). Truthfully, I find it hard to buy my own son gifts. Son usually ends up with gift certificates. For some reason, I don’t want to give the boyfriend gift certificates and other ideas are few and far between. Buying for girls is easy. :)</p>
<p>Yes, we do give gifts to our Ds’ boyfriends. Having 5 Ds, we’ve had lots of boys around through the years, so I don’t actually remember whether or not the determination was length of time dating. I think once it’s apparent that it’s a serious relationship, whether that takes three months, six months or a year, yes, we do give gifts.</p>
<p>D has a long-term bf (3+ years). We have given him gifts for Christmas and his birthday for several years. At first, I gave him gift cards (especially for restaurants that I knew both he and D enjoy), but lately it’s more like clothing or headphones. D also gets gifts from his mother - gloves, books, nothing too elaborate. We’re all pretty low-key giftgivers anyway.</p>
<p>No, I don’t give birthday or Christmas gifts to our son’s girlfriend. (I have given her small things at random times, though) I just don’t want to imply any kind of involvement in their relationship or imply an expectation. (I do like her very much.) So, while she is always welcome and we inquire about her, I’m pretty hands off.</p>
<p>My approach appears to be very much in the minority.</p>
<p>My mom gives birthday and christmas gifts to my fiance and has since before we were engaged. The first year we were together she didn’t get him a bday gift but did get him a christmas gift because he was going to be at our family christmas and she didnt want to be rude and leave him with nothing to open while everyone else had gifts, but after the first year he started getting bday gifts too and several christmas presents from the extended family as well.</p>
<p>It’s usually something small. This year for his birthday he got a plush bath mat and some new towels and a shower curtain, he’d just moved into a new place and didn’t have anything for his bathroom. For christmas he got a calendar with his favorite animal, some pj pants, and a box of tea k cups to go with the keurig machine he’d bought for me as my christmas gift. He often gets funny t shirts and candy, it’s usually just a little token. I think it’s her way of letting him know she accepts him. She has the MIL from hell so those kinds of gestures mean a lot to her. I don’t mind, I enjoy helping her pick things out and appreciate that she’s accepted him as part of the family.</p>
<p>I’ve never gotten a gift from his parents though. I don’t expect one, I don’t see them nearly as often as my parents see their son. I did send his mom a bday card this year.</p>
<p>Mafool – I’ll join you in that minority. We really like D’s bf – he’s a delight – but I don’t want to load our feelings on as some kind of expectation for their relationship. Maybe that will change if the relationship lasts into a second year.</p>
<p>I give smallish gifts to my kids’ significant others if I know them and they’re around for birthdays/holidays. I also sent a gift to my neice’s college BF this year…but he had done some work for me over the summer and has spent several holidays at my house (the family gathering spot).</p>
<p>My daughter had a boyfriend through high school. He was like a member of the family and we would buy him small gifts for Christmas, birthdays, graduation. They broke up freshmen year of college, when they went to colleges on opposite sides of the country. He still comes around regularly when they are both home. When I was Christmas shopping this year I saw a T-shirt I knew he would like so I bought it for him.</p>
<p>I probably spend the same on my dd as I do her husband but I think I get her more personal gifts. If I write them a check, I write it out to both of them and that is what my parents and in-laws always did.</p>
<p>As for boyfriends, it was always a small gift for birthday and a medium size gift if they were over at Christmas. I agree you don’t want to put to much expectations into the situation.</p>
<p>No personal gifts but when they visit,(kids live 3000 miles away) I make sure the house is stocked with food and their restaurant dinners are on us. I’ve spent a small fortune hosting them.
For my kids, seems like every relationship is serious… until they break up.</p>
<p>If they’ve been around for a long time (usually at least 6 months to a year) then I’ve given D’s BF’s a small gift. Usually a gift certificate to a mid-priced restaurant or movie theater -or both. Then BF and D can go on a dinner-and-a-movie date.</p>
<p>2 of her BF’s mothers gave her gifts - one was a Bath & Body Works set, the other was a gift certificate for a manicure at a local spa.</p>
<p>S has a fairly new GF. We didn’t get her anything for Christmas, but if they are together when they graduate college in May we will probably get her a card and small gift.</p>
<p>If the S or D are young or it’s not a very serious relationship, I’m of a more traditional mindset along the lines of what mafool said with respect to expectations and implied messages. But if circumstances were such that it would be awkward not to give a gift (opening holiday gifts in the SO’s presence or I knew the SO was planning to give us a gift) then, of course. </p>
<p>If I was going to send a gift of money to my own child after marriage for a bday or holiday, then yes, the spouse gets the same. Before that I would not give money to a bf, gf or fianc</p>
<p>We’ve given gifts to our son’s gf of five years, for the last three, I think. Our daughter’s bf’s haven’t lasted much beyond a year and they live on the other side of the country, so no, we haven’t given them gifts. I think the relevant factor is if you have any kind of relationship with the young man or woman. If I feel that I know them pretty well, it makes a difference.</p>
<p>My son’s girlfriend is weird about gifts. S says she feels awkward receiving them. I never get her birthday gifts but I have gotten her a Christmas gift these past 2 years. I love buying gifts. I try not to attach to much meaning to them.</p>
<p>My D dated the son of one of my closest friends while they were in HS. They broke up 3 years ago. My friend has 2 sons and my D has always been her surrogate D. She gave my D a Christmas present this year. She sends care packages to her at college. Her mother knitted my D a scarf last year. She hosted a tea/shower for D when she went away to college 1 1/2 years ago. </p>
<p>When they dated I would often send baked goods with D to give to her bf, but they had a very bad break-up and it’s taken a lot on my part to be civil to him since then, but for my friend’s sake I’ve tried my best to be polite. I even told his mother about a possible job for him for the summer. For the first 8 months after he dumped D he pretended he didn’t know either of us and avoided us at all costs. D still feels very awkward around him because of the way he handled it, but she loves his parents and his brother and his grandparents.</p>
<p>D has a new bf she met at college and they’ve been dating for more than a year now, but because of the distances involved I have not met him yet. No parental presents yet, but when I send her goodies from home I tell her to share them with the bf.</p>