Do you still get your adult children/their spouses birthday presents? We did, for quite a while, typically asking them what they wanted or getting them an experience” (massage, restaurant gift card, etc) because they don’t have room for more “stuff”. I finally said I was calling a moratorium on gifts unless it was a significant birthday. But now I am feeling a little guilty. And one DIL’s birthday is in a few days. I did send a card (though they rarely check their mail!). I do bring gifts for the grands and sometimes the kids when we visit, which is several times a year. Help. Thoughts? What do you do?
I get presents for the kids and spouse. My step-d likes stuff, and doesn’t make a lot, so she still gets stuff. Son and DIL often get experiences. If it’s a “big” birthday they get bigger presents. We also usually go out to dinner, our treat, with at least that person/SO. Our group is 29-35ish, if that matters.
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We give cash gifts for every occasion. Except when we give family stuff to the kids that they’ve indicated would be welcome (jewelry, etc).
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My parents continued to send me birthday presents (usually a check for something specific) until they passed. My in-laws stopped when the grandchildren were born and shifted the gift budget to them, which was also totally fine.
For myself, we only have one child (just turned 26) and I feel like birthdays are special so we’ll continue to gift her something. Typically we make a contribution to her trip budget but sometimes she asked for something specific. This year she asked for a gift card to an athletic wear store and I shipped her some Penzey’s spices for baking. Next year she’ll get a check for spending money for our family trip to Norway. (Shhhh she doesn’t know that yet ; )).
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I still do Christmas and birthday gifts, but I’ve cut back a bit. It’s not because of the cost; it’s because they already have most of what they need and a lot of what they want. Plus their birthdays are also close enough to Christmas that I only have so many gift ideas. I just can’t imagine not celebrating their birthdays with a gift.
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We have changed our gift giving philosophy in recent years. Our family is just myself, husband, and daughter. For Christmas, we gift consumables and experiences, things like show tickets, fancy chocolates, fancy liquor, etc.
My daughter’s birthday is right around the time of an annual convention she attends, so I buy the tickets and call it her birthday gift. I will also buy her some small items, like fun socks.
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For my daughters, I take them out to dinner and I buy more significant presents for them. For my son-in-laws I tend to get them more token presents. This year I bought SIL1 3 months of IPA subscription and got SIL2 a gift certificate to his favorite cheese store. I do treat the in-laws and my own kids differently.
They make a big deal out of my birthday and I used to do a lot for their birthdays growing up, so it continues.
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I usually gift my kids money for their birthdays. This year I started sending a matching gift to a charity of the birthday child’s choice. They love that.
I always buy my SIL something nice for his birthday as he is such a great husband, dad and person.
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Kids don’t like to take cash from us. The last couple of years we got D and SIL theater tix (their birthdays are within a month of one another) with babysitting included. For my single S, we pay for a monthly house cleaner for the year as a bday gift. Honestly, both are gifts to myself as much as for the kids.
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Thanks all. Our kids are across country so I don’t get to enjoy the outings with them. They are older now (one just turned 40) and younger one doesn’t want stuff. I have sent food items, flowers, etc but am stymied now.
I only have one ds who is single. For his birthday, I pay for his gym membership for the year. I do send him the cash directly, but in the exact amount the annual membership costs. He knows it’s designated for this purpose.
We aren’t into, “stuff.” Ds isn’t either. Whether I buy birthday gifts for any future spouse will probably depend on what her personal love language is. If gifts make her feel loved, then I will buy her gifts!
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I’m not in charge of the gift department. ShawSon does not want things. He and his wife have good jobs in tech and their combined income is pretty high and their rent for the Bay area is pretty good. His wife does like things, so I think we do get her/them things. They love puzzles and we have bought them a couple of customized Ravensburger puzzles. We have sent gift certificates to restaurants or takeout (I think we order oysters for takeout or something like that).
ShawD does like things and ShawWife regularly finds things for her. Earlier on, I think we paid for gym memberships. She and her partner (marriage is a couple of weeks) will also have good combined incomes. I think we get her stuff for her house (she is a very house proud homeowner).
Yes. But no grandkids yet. The gifts are usually fairly small. Our bigger splurges are on family travel together.
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We are very generous with our annual $ gift giving to all 4 of them. We haven’t tied that to birthday or holiday times. If/when we see them at Xmas/chanukah we bring gifts
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I love @FallGirl’s idea of a gift to a charity. I’ve given the kids & their spouses a small amount of cash for both birthdays and Christmas for a number of years, but I don’t think it’s very meaningful to them. My pre-retirement job was community college professor and all of them make more money than I ever did. The amount I give them isn’t much in comparison to how they spend, so it’s not much fun. The idea of picking a charity might be a good one for us.
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My daughter is very into sharks and has drawn in her husband. I was recently shopping online for new sheets, and ran across a Q set with blue sharks that would match their bedding–usually it’s kids sheets with sharks-- and bought it for them on a whim. They loved them! They live in our area, and we have taken to limiting birthdays to taking them out for dinner, but I’ll buy them small things like this once in a while througout the year.
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That’s a cute idea! Don’t know if their bed is a king or queen 
We still give gifts of some sort – usually gift cards as they don’t live near us. My mom sent me a check every year until she couldn’t. I guess I’m just carrying on the tradition.
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“Carrying on the tradition” here too in a different way.
I have a checkbook for the credit union account that I inherited from my mother (actually was a joint owner, just didn’t know it). I use it to send “from Grandma” checks to my kids and her other grandchildren for Christmas and special occassions - wedding, new house etc, just like she used to do. Sometimes I use her home made note cards with her flower photos.
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