I just realized I skipped my SIL’s first bday. How do I remedy? They were together for a long time before getting married. I forgot they are now married.
I continue a tradition from when they were young of sending my sons the amount of their age on their birthday. It’s a drop in the bucket for one of them but it’s fun to continue the tradition. Otherwise I don’t do birthday presents (they are hard enough to buy for) but I’ve upped my Christmas presents, which we exchange in person unlike their birthdays due to distance, and sometimes will say “this is a birthday and Christmas present” if it’s particularly expensive. My twins’ birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas and they no longer care about the two being distinctly separate. At our annual summer beach trip, which I pay for, we “celebrate” everyone’s birthday by acknowledging them with a “Happy Birthday everyone” at some point which absolves us from having to celebrate on the actual dates. My older son and I share a birthday month and he’s only 2 hours away so we will sometimes meet in the middle that month for a birthday lunch.
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We will go out to a nice meal (our treat) if we are together on a day near their bday (or ours). Our S & DIL have significant income and really don’t want or need more “stuff.” S is a great shopper and can get great deals, so generally it doesn’t feel worthwhile trying too hard to find him things.
We do gift money and they now accept it (for awhile S didn’t cash our checks). D is always grateful for money. D is 36, S is 38 and I’m not positive on DIL’s age— slightly younger than S, I believe.
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Due to boarding school, Army, and a February BD, we haven’t celebrated our son’s BD with him since he was 14, so we’ve always had to send his presents (not money). Since he married three years ago, we’ve coordinated with his wife but, starting this year, they’ve both said they don’t need anything so a money gift that they can use toward their expensive BD evenings out is most appreciated. I like the simplicity of that.
OTOH, DIL had a rough upbringing, so DH and I feel we can’t spoil her enough. Her BD is in July, and they’ve made a tradition of coming to the cabin for the 4th, so we celebrate while she’s here. This year, I gifted her some of my jewelry and will probably continue to give her a little something in addition to contributing to their BD evenings out.
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My general gift rule for the kids (who live in tiny places) - is the gift should be flat, usable, or both. That said, I give them gifts as the spirit moves (e.g. for Rosh Hashana or “just because”) and not always for birthdays. I do acknowledge birthdays with a call/email/text, maybe that was obvious.
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we still give our kids and spouses bd gifts — an actual thing usually but sometimes a gift card. S2/DiL birthdays are 2 days apart so I resist the urge to give a combo gift 
None of them live near us at all.
Gifts are typically small — kitchen gadgets, a book, jewelry, car things (they all travel a lot). They are all gardeners as well which lends itself to gifts.
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I do give bday gifts to my daughters and their spouses. I usually ask what they want and just get that (many years ago we agreed to stop trying and guess about gifts and just ask for lists). This year, my oldest was 4 weeks postpartum on her birthday and hadn’t really been out of PJ’s yet so my younger daughter and I agreed that we would do a spa day at a local resort for all three of our bdays, which are April/May/June. It was great to spend time together and to give my oldest an afternoon off from baby duty.
It’s very easy to buy for my younger daughter as she was recently a “poor” college student and is now starting her 2nd year working and living in the real world. Her list is always long and consists of a lot of bougie hair & skin products that her budget doesn’t allow for (we joke that Christmas for her is a chance to restock all her toiletries!)
My oldest is harder because she buys what she wants/needs during the year and is very loyal to certain products and brands so it’s hard to go off book for her. My granddaughter is in the picture now and that will also prove difficult for Christmas & birthdays because she also has everything she needs and my daughter doesn’t want mountains of toys. In her case we will probably donate to her 529 while she is still young enough not to track that G&G didn’t get her a wrapped present. As always, I will defer to my daughter for gift suggestions.
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Boring cash/gift card and maybe a small token gift. Ho hum but it works, I guess.
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I’d just call and say OMG I really blew this, happy birthday, I love you. Send a gift when you can (if that is what you normally do).
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We celebrate birthdays, mothers/ Father’s Day and buy gifts. My son likes me to buy him clothes since he hates shopping. I ask DD what she wants before her birthday and get that for her. I am asking kids what to get for their partners before getting them gifts.
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Ok I broke down and sent that silly “punch this” thing. Maybe the grandkids will enjoy it. Only worrisome thing is the 4 yo reads fluently and I hope it doesn’t worry him.
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My husband and I don’t agree on this one. He hates getting gifts so I think he doesn’t get that others might enjoy getting gifts. We always give our kids birthday gifts. One is super easy to buy for, another says she doesn’t need anything but if I want to give something here are some ideas. The third is the hardest to buy for since he has very high end taste.
The spouses are harder. My husband feels nothing is needed. I can’t do that. I don’t go expensive but I think I do a good job. For one this year I bought her olive oil and vinegar from a local shop. I know she was appreciating the gift as I know she has gone in an bought more. For one son-in-law we bought a t shirt from a local dive shop we know he likes. I don’t know if my kids in-laws buy them birthday gifts. For Chanukah I tend to spend more on my own kids. They all have kids of their own and I try to be even with the grandkids. My one daughter has told me several times I don’t need to get her kids birthday gifts as we do so much for them on a weekly basis. I try to be respectful of their desire to not being more stuff into their houses. Sometimes my daughter will say yes get them a certain toy and they can keep it at grandma and grandpa house.
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Our son will be here on his birthday for the first time since he was in high school…and we haven’t been where he was for his birthday either. He will be 42. We will do a special celebration with DD and SIL for the occasion…probably a nice dinner together or something like that.
We always send a real card in the mail, and gift our kids our annual gifts to them on their birthdays. SIL gets a gift card to a special place he likes, and coffee beans from a good roaster.
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We finally quit asking since no one would tell us what they wanted. So, cash it is - the 2 youngest still have college accounts linked to us and it allows us to move money back and forth easily. I did mention to the Calif kid that AirBnB has gift cards that never expire and can be used for rentals or events all over the world. Although, I read it is considered tacky to give them as gifts. Son said they’d love them because long weekend getaways with their dog would be welcome, tacky or not.
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We still do gifts. We try to do something pertaining to their interests, but if that fails, it’s cash. Last year we rented a villa in France for two weeks and they all came. Dinner - either take out at home or at a restaurant is mandatory.
Four of us are going to Hawaii in January and will do something to celebrate D and SIL’s birthdays while we’re there and give them a gift of an experience for the two of them
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We’re all gift givers in our family, including DIL. Her family is that way, too. Must be one of our love language. Although I’d love to give a little less love at Christmas. None of us are churchgoers, so it really almost seems like a ridiculous winter solstice gift giving fest.
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I am already stressed out about my kids’ bday and Christmas. I can buy a million things for my D and have to stop myself. My S is currently living a digital nomad lifestyle and there is nothing I can get for him, so I will probably wrap up cash in different boxes and call that his present. He likes jerky and I got him some on a recent trip so he will get that too. Then I am clueless.
I have been gifting my kids with my handbags and jewelry.
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@oldfort I am sure they are thrilled with those gifts.
I just paid for plane tickets for Thanksgiving for my Daughter and granddaughter. I didn’t buy her husband his ticket. I do the same whenever they come down, my daughter said he isn’t insulted as he feels it’s extremely generous we pay for any of the tickets.
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I received a flat and very useful and really, really lovely cheese platter from a company called Boarderie. Somewhat pricey but really delicious.
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