Here’s how I view it in my very unexpert view.
Parent-child relationship is all about parent takes care of everything and child follows.
Parent-teen–conflicts because…just because independence of teen demands it. Mom can’t stand letting loose because lots of control for a good portion of life and that’s her JOB.
Parent-adult kid–in an ideal world that will never truly exist everything is hunky dory. All the little birdies are kicked out of the nest and living on their own. In the animal world they never meet again. Or like elephants they all stick together in one large community and if little elephant has problems it seeks out some other nearby relative if mom checks out…
And yet here we are. What should be parent-adult is really parent-sorta adult.
I won’t ever be someone not willing to help my kids. But they need to recognize that while my help is freely given out of love that it was at the same time not required at this point in life. They don’t get to disrespect me for a gift I give freely. Their reactions and expectations are not mine to worry over. They are responsible for their actions and emotions as the adults they proclaim to be. They are free to criticize my help all they want–and I’m free to withdraw my help too.