Is this a mom and daughter? I only have sons (3 over 3 decades) and I think they pretty much just ignore what I have to say if they don’t like it. I’ve heard moms of daughters say they can be mean but forthcoming - sons not so much, cognizant of hurt feelings and just hide what they believe you don’t want to know about. Not sure if this is true about daughters, but the son part is true from my perspective.
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So I failed to read through the entire thread and I just posted the same question as the mother of 3 sons.
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Another mother of three sons. Thank goodness no prickliness, and no drama! But the flip side: no information forthcoming! And probably more of an orientation to any future daughter in laws’ families, I am guessing.
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Long ago I read something that said something like, “little kids are like puppies…. most teens are more like aloof cats”. Well now I have cats that live elsewhere and don’t communicate with us very much (though always respectful when they do). But you know what? They seem to be happy, healthy cats. And they are good friends with each other (have sometimes vacationed together). I do know that if I actually needed something, they’d be here in a heartbeat to help. So I try not to fret over their independent nature.
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Well, remember that our goal was to create happy, independent, competent adults. I think most of us have succeeded. 
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And, I’m still very close to all 3 of my boys, although only one still lives in my state. We all talk / email / text often.
I have a daughter and a son. My D has never been mean.
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I can relate to this one and finally gave up on gifts for our D. We’re generous to the GDs instead.
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Sadly, I only have a grandcat right now 
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Ooohh…this is my situation with my sons.
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I’m the OP and only have sons, was raised in a household of men. If anything, one of mine is overly sensitive/empathetic. It is a wonderful gift but sometimes he just is a human radio of emotion, picking up real and imagined stuff from everyone around him, esp. me.
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Agree…and we almost must keep in mind that we are now on the periphery of their lives.
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Was out with my 2 sons for dinner last night. I’m learning to really bite my tongue. My “sharer” gets annoyed when I say or he senses criticism. For instance he told us when he and his GF are in California in the summer, when they get to SF, they are going to stay at a hostel to save money. When he could see the looks on our faces and I then saw the sudden defensive look on his, I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled. He snapped a little, “we need to save money and are doing it”, to ward off comments.
Anyone have experience with hostels? This is not how we have ever traveled, nor my sons.
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They’re fine! We spent most of our honeymoon in hostels — a million years ago. My college son and his friend just spent spring break in Europe and stayed in hostels. It’s a good way to save money.
Some have private rooms for 2 people now, some have smaller “bunk” rooms of four, some have larger dormitory rooms. All are less expensive than hotels and are good if trying to save money and viewing the hotel/hostel as primarily a place to sleep.
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conmama- my daughter and I stayed in a hostel in NYC for a weekend recently when the cheapest, decent hotel was about $450 a night. You can get rooms with private bathrooms and not sharing the room with anyone else. It was quite spartan, but we were there to see the sights of NYC not hang out in a hotel.
Would it have been super cool to be at a fun hotel with a view of the sparkling lights of Manhattan? Yes! But, the minimalist, more affordable accommodations allowed us to stay there, go to museums, jazz clubs, etc…which was our real objective.
Learning to ‘not say it’ (advice, etc.) is an ongoing process. I’ve become a lot better at it w/my son - but it took concerted effort!
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Thanks @MMRose and @Jolynne_Smyth . Your comments have alleviated my concerns. When I think of hostels, I picture lowly run down rooms in crappy areas with seedy guests.
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Actually, many of them are in some of the best areas for tourists and you can walk to many of the best sites!
I think there are several in San Francisco that are near fisherman’s wharf, which is a major tourist attraction. . Not sure of their exact location, though.
And, I’m sure there are some that aren’t nice, but my experience has been good and I would recommend hostels as a way to save money if anyone asked!
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No experience with hostels but I found SF to be safer than Atlanta - they may shoplift and steal but not as many shootings. I worry more about my Atlanta son than my SF son out and about in the evenings.
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Good article from HuffPost geared toward adult children and how to discuss boundaries with parents:
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I didn’t stay in a hostel in San Francisco but there is a great one at Fort Mason/Fisherman’s Wharf where we picked up sandwiches one day. It was clean and in a great space.
I have stayed in a hostel in Scotland and would definitely consider in one again.
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