<p>D is invited to her college roommates wedding New Years weekend. The invitation says black tie optional. She sent me an email asking advice about the dress (and complaining about having to stress about this right now lol!)</p>
<p>D is 25, she’s working but bf is a poor graduate student. He says the optional part is not optional so he feels he needs to rent a tux (does not own one, he’s a flannel and boot wearing guy). D asked if we could go dress shopping while she is here over Christmas as she thinks she needs to find a long dress. Not really sure how we are going to pull that one off as we are really busy and there is no place to buy a dressy long dress where I live. </p>
<p>Sorry, I digress. My questions to people who have actually gone to a black tie optional wedding. </p>
<p>Does she need to wear a long dress? She has a very pretty short black lace dress that is very cocktail dressy. She’s also 5’3" and thin. I think she would swim in a woman’s size 2 so it would have to be a 0 or juniors dress. Hardly any time to get it altered but my mil could shorten the dress. </p>
<p>These were the only 2 dresses I found that I saw that were a) in a size that might fit, and she is really hard to fit and b) don’t break the bank as she doesn’t want to pay a fortune. </p>
<p>D has never worn a long dress before. She is so hard to find something that fits. If we could find a used dress that would be great but not many wear her size so I think that might be worse than finding a new dress. </p>
<p>If she really wants to wear a long dress, if she really has no time to shop, and if she really wants to spend as little as possible, go online to Forever 21 and H & M. They have numerous choices that look nice and certainly won’t break the bank. </p>
<p>ETA: Both those brands come in teeny, tiny sizes. In H&M’s sizes, I generally take two sizes larger than I do in “normal” clothes.</p>
<p>If her boots & flannel boyfriend owns a dark suit, he doesn’t need a tux. Dark suit, white shirt, tie are more than acceptable at a black tie optional wedding. If he doesn’t own a suit, renting a tux seems to be the more practical option. For your D, short dressy cocktail dress would be more than fine. My philosophy is to dress respectfully and not obsess about it. Agree that H&M, Uniglo, Forever 21 etc. may have lovely holiday oriented evening wear in small sizes and not break-the bank prices. </p>
<p>We just went to a family wedding that was black-tie optional. My husband and 2 sons all wore a dark suit, white shirt and dark ties (although younger son wore a festive bow tie). I wore a cocktail type black dress. It worked out great.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t stress about it at all! Frankly, most of the men were in suits and the women in cocktail type dresses. I only saw a handful of men in tuxes (outside the wedding party) and only about 2 women in long dresses! And, those were all adults - all the younger crowd (the 25+ year olds, friends of the couple) were not in black tie attire.</p>
<p>This fall, H and I attended a cousin’s black tie optional wedding which was held at an impressive Philadelphia location. My SIL and I spent so much time worrying about what to wear but, in the end, decided to wear cocktail dresses. Our husbands wore suits. We were so glad we didn’t spend the money on long dresses/tuxes because we looked like everybody else there. Even the groom’s sister was wearing a short dress! (One young woman was wearing a cocktail dress with Converse; she looked ridiculous but I was jealous because my feet were killing me.) We saw exactly <em>two</em> women in long dresses and no men wearing tuxes aside from people in the bridal party.</p>
<p>I would advise your D and her BF to stop stressing and wear what they already own!</p>
<p>I have worn a short black lacy and beaded frock to black tie weddings. </p>
<p>She does not need a long dress. Boyfriend can wear a suit. The dress she has is completely appropriate. </p>
<p>I am 5’1" and about 110 pds and wear a size zero or sometimes 2. I don’t have any problem finding short dresses which fit (and I never buy junior or petite sizes.) but do always need long dresses shortened. </p>
<p>One suggestion if she wants to look for something new to wear is to go to a boutique. They usually have a sale rack and very often several 0’s and 2’s as most women wear bigger sizes then that. </p>
<p>My opinion: Short cocktail dress and dark suit are more than appropriate. My D goes to many formal events (works for event planner in DC) and says most young women only wear short dresses. S has a black suit that is appropriate for almost every occasion (although as an opera singer he has a tux and formal tails, as well ) </p>
<p>I think black tie optional means the wedding party will be in tuxes so you won’t be overdressed if you wear one, but plenty of guys will be in suits. I think your daughter can wear short or long. I like the first dress and don’t like the second at all. The short dress she already owns sounds fine from the description.</p>
<p>I went to a black tie event this summer and almost all of the men were in dark suits with ties. Very few tuxes. I wouldn’t rent one, unless BF doesn’t have a dark suit.</p>
<p>A short dress and a dark suit for the boyfriend will be fine. I really wish that brides would not include the black tie optional notation. If it’s optional, why even mention it? Even worse, and more inconsiderate, in my opinion, is specifying black tie.</p>
<p>I think you have to watch it with Jr fashions because they can be made from cheap material and look tacky. I like the first one you posted but hated the 2nd. The one your daughter sent is great. Did she just find out about the wedding? BF will be fine with nice shirt and tie and his own suit.</p>
<p>Young people do not wear long dresses nowadays (the exception being senior prom but even then many wear short). A friend’s daughter was just at the White House Holiday party (pretty cool got to shake Obama’s hand) and wore a lovely short black dress which was just perfect for the formal event (boyfriend wore dark suit). The basic short black party dress will be fine. This is the best time to shop for party dresses as the stores have lots for the holidays. </p>
<p>“Black tie optional” is a traditional way to tell the invitees that the wedding is going to be a notch more formal than khakis and polos. It really means that: suits for guys and dresses for ladies, long or short. The wedding party is the master of the event - I do not see anything rude about them requesting a particular level of formality.</p>
<p>I have to say that if your D likes a long dress and can afford the Cache dress, it is the best of the three options. If you order online, make sure to read their return policies. A clearance item bought at the store is not returnable, even if it is defective. </p>
<p>BB, thanks for the info on the cache dress. That is a deal breaker. She is so hard to fit that she would never order a dress that can’t be returned. Ugh!</p>
<p>She is going to try on the short dress she has and if it fits, that will be the one. </p>
<p>I know the wedding couple wants a elegant dressy New Years wedding ( actually I think it’s the brides parents as the bride is not a fussy person at all, but her parents are) but as my D put in her email this morning, she should have said no if she considered all that was involved. </p>
<p>This is the first of her friends from college to get married. She is not well versed in fancy east coast weddings, frankly. We are simple people from the Midwest where the weddings are maybe no camo please ;). </p>
<p>“This is the first of her friends from college to get married. She is not well versed in fancy east coast weddings, frankly. We are simple people from the Midwest where the weddings are maybe no camo please.”</p>
<p>I live in New York and go to many fancy Black Tie weddings - even to ones in Manhattan - and a lot of the young women wear short party frocks. I tend to wear long to Black Tie’s in Manhattan - but have worn my short black party frock to Black Tie weddings in the suburbs of NYC (Westchester/Connecticut.) A short party dress is perfectly fine for a black tie optional wedding. </p>
<p>A guy my D grew up with got married just before Thanksgiving. I saw photos of the wedding, and the groomsmen wore camo print vests with their tuxes. They are also simple people from the Midwest.</p>
) </p>