<p>My younger daughter asked me one time if she was pretty, more specifically if other people thought she was pretty. She was at an awkward age - arms too long, legs too thin… I said, “Of course you are pretty, don’t you hear me say that all the time?” She said very maturally, “I know you say it all the time, but you are my mommy and you would say that even if I was ugly. I don’t think any parent think their kid is ugly.” True, true, but she is beautiful, if I may say so myself.</p>
<p>Has anybody ever had a problem with your friends being too gung-ho about your kid? An old and dear friend of ours thinks our son is an academic superstar (which he used to be, and lately has been again, but wasn’t for a while, thus affecting his GPA significantly). So when he asked us where our son was applying and we rattled off our list of mostly second- and third-tier schools, he expressed bewilderment: “Really?! I would think ----- would be going to some place like Princeton.” </p>
<p>This was cute the first time, but since then it’s come up a couple more times; each time he kind of shakes his head and delicately suggests we’re being unduly pessimistic. It’s starting to get annoying. (His own children are nice kids and no dummies, but certainly not HYPS material, so it’s not peer pressure–he just can’t seem to wrap his head round the fact that our son is not a valedictorian type and won’t be going where the valedictorian types go.)</p>
<p>^^^ Yes, we’ve had comments from other people that seemed kind of over the top about our kid. It’s both uncomfortable and exhilarating all at once. Weird. We tend to downplay her abilities and achievements. I like to think people are just being overly polite.</p>
<p>My oldest- was as cute and articulate practically from the day she came home from the hospital as she was critically ill during the first few months of her life.</p>
<p>Since she beat predictions and was intelligent combined with a constant smile, she did bring out lots of raving by friends and family. ( except by my inlaws- that would have * killed* them.They didn’t even come see her in the hospital)</p>
<p>I quashed the requests for stupid pet tricks, like when my grandmother wanted her to show her friends how D taught herself to read @ 3, but most of the time I just bit my tongue cause I knew that they were geniunely happy for her.</p>
<p>Still, when I read one of her college recommendations by one of her high school teachers, I practically gagged it was so full of hyperbole, but she is just one of those people I guess.</p>
<p>My younger daughter, has a personality more like mine- we are the ones that go through our day with people telling us to " smile" or asking us " what is the matter". ( or at least when she is with me- when she is with her friends- she is a completely different person)</p>
<p>I always tell my D. to keep low profile about grades and such. She mentioned many times that she never discuss the subject with her friends and they have no idea how any of them are doing academically. The typical is: “How are you doing? Do you like your school?”, the answer: “Great, I love the place”. That is the limit of it.</p>
<p>As a student “intruding” into the Parent cafe, I have to admit that my parents occasionally “brag” about me, especially recently since the college admissions stuff started. Their friends and my relatives have all been very nice about it to date (possibly because ours is a big family, and in Chinese culture it’s pretty normal for parents to be very proud of their children’s academic achievements, and to share that pride), and they all seem genuinely happy for us. </p>
<p>However, it does get a bit embarrassing when the first thing you hear upon meeting an acquaintance is “Congratulations! I hear you got accepted to college. Where is it?” followed by further wowing when I reply, to the point where I’m now referring to my future university as “a nice school in the United States”.</p>
<p>I know a woman with twin sons. One is not only a top student, class officer, and star athlete on a state-championship team, but he was just accepted into Harvard (ok, for those of you who are going to yell that H doesn’t do early admission, he got a “likely” letter from the Admissions office). The other twin is a good kid, good student, and a good athlete in a different sport, but not the superstar his brother is. The mom is not the type to brag on any of her kids, but I wonder if it gets awkward with one twin being so outstanding.</p>
<p>I ran into her at an event last night, and considered not saying anything beyond, “Hi, how are you?” But then I changed my mind and congratulated her on T1 and Harvard. I immediately followed up with, “But you’re not done yet - has T2 made any decisions?” She replied that T2 went mostly RD, and it would be a waiting game and would drive her nuts. I sympathized.</p>
<p>^^Gosh I bet T2 can’t wait to go away and forge his own identity.</p>
<p>I think it would be awkward.
I have noticed that in anything but single child homes, kids seem to lean toward putting themselves into subgroups- the “artistic” one, the “athletic” one, the " problem" child, the “good” child. Perhaps that is actually a result of how they are treated by others including oftentimes their parents, but for twins I think it would be exacerbated by expectations.
We see what we expect to see. Classroom teachers for instance told which children are gifted, then see “gifted” students. Another teacher told those students are “average”, doesn’t see any sign of gifts. It takes a lot of effort to think out of the box, or toward a long range view.</p>
<p>I haven’t had twins and while I know some twins attend the same schools and classrooms through college graduation,it also isn’t a bad idea to be able to establish yourself apart from your twinness.</p>
<p>In regard to finances at college I usually wish my kids were closer together, only one in school at a time, and now we even only have one still at home, so makes us ineligible for aid but we are still paying on loan for the first.
But although they are eight years apart and have different personalities anyway as well as one went to private schools her whole life and one attended an inner city comprehensive high school, they also have a lot of similarities and I have noticed that oldest ds friends are often like her sister, adventurous, athletic and very independent, and younger ds friends are like her sister, brainiac, more domestic and more cautious. ( for which I am so grateful-having an adventurous daughter isn’t so much a heart stopper when you know her friends aren’t as adrenaline seeking)</p>
<p>I have twins and one of them can’t wait to go away to college to forge her own, separate identity. The other one is looking forward to going away to expand her dating pool (besides the usual academic reasons…)</p>
<p>D’s friend is likely to be valedictorian, a literally perfect student…also just a very dear girl. Her parents never mention her successes…and I sometimes feel a little irritated about it! I know they don’t want to appear to be bragging…but I secretly feel they are reveling in their great humility. I guess you just can’t win.</p>