<p>I like Christmas letters, too. I only got one this year–I’d be happy to get more. Maybe I should write one! :)</p>
<p>DKE, people shouldn’t ask questions like that. If the fact that you don’t like Christmas letters is a well-established fact between the two of you, you can say something like, “You know I’m a poor judge of Christmas letters, but I’m sure that people were happy to hear what your family was up to this year.”</p>
<p>I agree about sharing bad or depressing news this way, although I’ve seen some that referenced serial mishaps and broken bones that were pretty funny. But in general, anyone who is not close enough to you to know the bad news already really doesn’t need to hear it this way. </p>
<p>I agree that it’s wonderful to celebrate the accomplishments of good friends and their families. I really do try to, as Hunt says, drag good news out of my friends and have good friends who do the same. Real friends are also there when the times are less than great, so there’s that balance. Maybe the real problem is that people tend to see too many people as being in the close friends category, but they really aren’t, LOL! I agree that it becomes problematic when these things are a one way street.</p>
<p>We receive a few letters every year from the same families. There are 2 which I quickly read then put away before I can process it. One is always a travelogue of their year - and they travel quite a bit. The other is almost always a detailed description of the medical problems this person has experienced. </p>
<p>I don’t write letters myself because not everyone is considered a close friend. My sister wonders why she’s been on the “travelling family’s” mailing list for the last few years!</p>
<p>I love to get them and write them! Some are tedious, but I try to consider where these people are in life. To an elderly couple, choosing between assisted/senior living facilities IS their life, as well as all the reports on health issues. I try to receive the information with a mindset that “if this is what is in the letter, then this is what is important to them.”<br>
The overly braggy ones- well, having been where I’ve been with my kids in the past, I just think to myself “OK. You don’t know what’s around the corner!”</p>
<p>I don’t write them, since I’ve been able to pretty much keep up with everyone who gives a whit through Facebook and email. Word spreads through my family like wildfire, so Aunt Jane and Grandmother know everything within minutes of any notable happening. Even my father (in his late 60’s) has a Twitter account.
I like to get the letters though, and I do get a few,mostly from old military friends. Never really thought of them as boastful, just positive news from their lives.
I’ve experienced unbearable boasting from co-workers who paint a perfect picture of their families, constantly bragging about fantastic D or genius S. In my experience the more they brag, and the more they can “top” everyone, the more insecure they really are. The eye rolling that goes on behind their backs is quite funny though.</p>
<p>I like the Christmas letters too… the ones my mother gets are borderline depressing and somewhat comical at the same time</p>
<p>BTW, I can brag about my oldest who has now graduted , a semester early with the best GPA of her college career…still doesn’t have a job ( in her field , but a pt position in retail ) I would be more than happy for her to have a secretarial, entry level job at this point :D</p>
<p>I don’t write the letters but I do enjoy receiving them. I’m puzzled when I hear people complain about them - it’s not required reading : )</p>
<p>There are several families who manage to write perfect letters. They give you some insight into what the family has experienced and enjoyed, but without boasting. These missives are brief, low-key, sometimes humorous, and don’t read like a resume. One friend will tell a funny story about each child–an anecdote which wouldn’t terribly embarrass the children, but definitely shows they’re regular people.</p>
<p>I don’t mind something like “Malcolm is very talented in art, just like his father, and has been greatly enjoying his studio class. He is particularly good at sculpture.” I do mind “Malcolm is the most talented art student at his studio, and recently won the extremely prestigious Y award–the first student ever in the state to have won such a fabulous honor, blah blah blah.” I also have some trouble with that friend’s letters because after listing all of her children’s objective accomplishments, she can’t help but include some subjective bit about how humble, compassionate, selfless, spiritual etc. they are to boot. It’s too much.</p>
<p>Also, I’m laughing at the post about the letter mentioning the competition the kid didn’t attend. This year the letter from my boastful friend included a photo of the buck her son didn’t shoot yet! (3 deer down, though, and still more to go)</p>
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<p>Christmas is such a very very busy time, but it would make sense to make a couple of versions of the letter, depending on the recipient. Pius Aunt Mary Magdeline might be delighted to hear how spiritual her nephew is, while most recipients don’t care.</p>
<p>We don’t send our Christmas card/letter/picture to anyone we see more than twice a year. It goes mostly to relatives and friends in distant states. For our in-town friends, I send Christmas cards that our church does that tell the recipient that we have made a donation to a charity in their honor. It would be odd to send our letter to people we see all the time.</p>
<p>Here’s something we can all look forward to…over the holidays, I was visiting my parents and catching up on the cards/letters from long time family friends. After a few letters, I noticed a pattern…most of them mentioned how many funerals they’d attended in the past year. These letters almost had a competitive nature to them. I think the “winner” attended 8 funerals in a 6 week period. Some letter writers even went into detail about the circumstances surrounding the deaths. I am not anxious to get into this level of “boasting.”</p>
<p>I think I’ve told this story before but it’s priceless. My parents had an aquaintance who was a tremendous hypochondriac…even in her thirties, she and her H would take their vacation at the Mayo Clinic. As “luck” would have it, in her 60s, she developed a very rare disease. For several years before her death, her Christmas card letters gleefully descibed all of her hospitalizations, trips to specialists and medical procedures. My parents would send me her letters because they were so bizarre and funny. I think those years of being treated for her rare disease were the best years of her warped life!</p>
<p>missypie–reminds me of the epitaph, “I TOLD you I was sick!”</p>
<p>I have to admit that with my 1st child I did a certain amount of bragging. I was just so proud of her for getting an 800 on one of the SAT sections…the parents I was speaking to were kind enough not to point out that both of their daughters did as well, I’m sure. With my firstborn I was just so amazed and naive, I guess. I settled down with the other 3, who were all outstanding in different ways. I think with the first child it’s a validation of your genetic heritage or something.</p>
<p>Now my DH still tends to brag about the kids’ good jobs and so forth, and I tell him to stifle it.</p>
<p>But my grandbaby is still the cutest one on the planet! ;)</p>
<p>And interesting–my parents wouldn’t say anything when I told them what their grandchildren were up to. But I would hear from OTHER people that they were so proud of them. Weird.</p>
<p>Yes, the issue of boastful (or non-boastful) grandparents probably should have its own thread! 
I work with seniors and have noticed that relatively few of them brag about their grandchildren/great-grandchildren to each other. Whether that means they’ve learned, through additional life experience, that bragging is a turn-off to many, or whether it’s because they’re a couple of generations removed from the kids (and have had their DNA validated, as mommusic so perceptively points out above), or whether it’s something else, I have no idea. But the (middle-aged) staff at our senior facility is amazed at how much of a non-issue it is here. </p>
<p>My mother loves to hear about my kids’ accomplishments, but MIL does not. I probably annoyed her early on before I realized this, and I think it has something to do with her daughter’s 2 sons, who are musically gifted but never worked very hard academically. If I told her that her granddaughters were on the honor roll - which doesn’t seem that braggy to mention to a grandparent - she’d get touchy and almost defensive, so I stopped updating her. My mom has a set of grandsons, too, who are athletically gifted, and she seems able to enjoy and celebrate what each of the grandchildren have accomplished without making comparisons.</p>
<p>mommusic, congratulations on that adorable grandbaby!</p>
<p>I think every grandma is entitled to brag that her grandbaby is the most beautiful on the planet. Just like every mother of the bride is entitled to gush about how lovely her D looked in her wedding dress.</p>
<p>I know a lot more people who are reticent to discuss their kids’ accoplishments than parents who brag about them. There is a mom whose daughter was an 09 HS grad like my son and the two of them applied to some of the same schools. I’d have to pry info about her D’s college search from her - she was aware that her D’s class rank was considerably higher than Son’s, so she was sweet to not brag about every scholarship offer. I was genuinely interested, however.</p>
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<p>Most people really don’t have a whole lot to brag about, unfortunately. I often hear horror stories when I ask pointed questions about how so-and-so is doing. And, speaking of most of my elders, they really don’t appreciate some student accomplishments. I think it takes someone who succeeded (or at least participated) in academics to appreciate those types of accomplishments, and many elders are relatively uneducated.</p>
<p>My FIL is a total bragger. My DH knows well many of the other people in the group and they all just laugh at FIL behind his back and even joke with us about it when we visit. FIL would not be so bad in his cheering on the accomplishments of grandkids, but he is extremely judgmental of any one whose kid is off track- still talks about the drug use of his friend’s daughter> she smoked pot in the 70s :eek: and is a totally normal mom etc, but he still brings that up!</p>
<p>He still is involved in a group of which he has been a part for 40+ years, some younger blood has infused it, but we often begin phone calls with the questions regarding who has died or is in the hospital.</p>
<p>I know my early Christmas letters must have engendered some titters as I was so excited that I was actually doing a good job and my kids appeared to be successful I am certain that I mentioned some middle school straight As, etc (blushes) and other things that seemed huge at the time. By the time we hit high school I think I woke up to how it could appear to be pathetic bragging and I was able to switch genres to self-deprecating and amusing…not that I have the writing style of some one like SluggBugg or Curmudgeon, but a vast improvement nonetheless.</p>
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<p>LOL, I remember being so impressed when my inlaws were talking about my niece trying to decide between Northwestern and another school. Wow, I didn’t know she had the stuff for Northwestern. Turns out they were talking about Northwestern College in Iowa, a 1200 student church-based school. It never occured to them that I would think it was the other Northwestern.</p>
<p>My father is the worst bragger. Whenever I tell my mom good news about one of the kids, she says, “Oh, PawPaw won’t be able to wait to tell all his friends.” I’m sure they’re sick of him. He’s already asked me to make sure to send a graduation announcement and picture to some of his friends!</p>
<p>My friends are the opposite. I have to pull the good stuff out of them, and they have to do the same with me. Mostly we just complain to each other about home maintenance. If there is any bragging about grandchildren going on, it’s behind our backs. I tend to not brag because somewhere along the way I developed the notion that it brings bad luck. Call it karma.</p>
<p>My aunt describes herself as a “bradagacious” grandma. Her oldest granddaughter lived about 4 hours away. When she graduated from hs, the grandmother had an insert put into her church bulletin (the grandmother’s church), announcing that “Granddaughter, the granddaughter of Aunt & Uncle” was graduating from hs, with a color photo! I’m sure the granddaughter was horrified (as was the mom). But if you knew my aunt, she would be pleased to see EVERYONE’s grandkid get an insert & color photo in the church bulletin. She brags on her own grandkids but she’s more than willing to listen to others brag and to congratulate them.</p>