<p>My daughter has been home for over a week, and she is driving me crazy. She just completed her first semester away at college about 1.5 hours from home. She is doing ABSOLUTELY nothing. All day. She broke up with her high school boyfriend over Thanksgiving, and was never really one to spend a lot of time socializing out of the house. (Social media is another story.) She has a small group of HS friends, but they are all “homebodies”/busy with family activities, so she basically has nothing going on. I am really worried about her. She watched about 10 hours of TV yesterday, and I see her tweeting about being bored, with nothing to do, someone call me, etc. To mean, this seems kind of pathetic. Why do kids do that? I know I shouldn’t have to, since she’s not a kid anymore, but how do I motivate her to get out of the house and do something?</p>
<p>Maybe she just needs to stay in a relax. Saying your bored is one thing but she just got home after finals vegetating May not be so bad. It may seem pathetic to you but why judge?</p>
<p>My D still has a large group of HS friends but she also walks around all day saying she is bored. They usually hang out a lot at Dunkin Donuts. The problem that I am having is that all she does is spend money ( it’s her money from summer jobs) eating out, getting her nails done, etc. I just told her that she needs to stick to a budget or she will find herself with no money left. Yesterday she emailed her summer job letting them know she is home until the end of January and she will be happy to work for them if they need her. She may bring a friend and visit grandparents for a few days. This long break is very difficult. She should have found an internship or volunteer job.</p>
<p>I’m keenly familiar with the braindump on breaks. Frankly it has never bothered me. My son works very hard, is on the go constantly, and has very little privacy (as most kids at college). When he’s home he is ready to chiil out and decompress. Most the time he’s not interested in seeing hs friends. Sleeping, netflix, eating, laundry. I’m happy to accommodate. Really. This is his break, his down time after a long semester of academics, activities, friends, and high stress finals. If he wants to hibernate at home I’m happy to facilitate that. I think some kids need some serious downtime and by college they usually know what they are craving.</p>
<p>It seems the social media part is bothering you. Her statement that “I’m bored”. I don’t have to deal with that (my kids version of social media is txt and snapchat sooo, not social…), but I don’t think I’d place much emphasis on it. What I do require is for them to clean up after themselves. They aren’t guests. Otherwise I give them some leeway on breaks.</p>
<p>Crossed posts with intparent. I agree with taking advantage of the time together. We have movie night, I’m still teaching him to cook (it’s a process), he does shop, so I do really enjoy the time home knowing after graduation there’s know telling where they’ll be and these lazy breaks will be a thing of the past.</p>
<p>I took D2 to the library yesterday (her first day home) and she picked up a couple of books. And we went to the movies last night. Going to corral her into cookie baking today, and probably play board games in the evening. I say take advantage of your kid being home and do stuff with them yourself. They go away again soon enough… you might have to work some days, but you can also ask if they can help with a few items around the house during the day while you are gone. For us that might be dog walking, washing a load of towels or sheets, or sorting stuff on their bookshelves or closets so I can give away stuff they don’t want/need any more. Oh… and she brought home a text book for one of her classes next semester she says she wants to start studying (I am all for this, but not sure I believe it will happen!).</p>
<p>She could do some drop-in volunteer work while she’s home. In our area, there are several places that serve lunch or dinner to people who are hungry, and they are always looking for help with food prep.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the ideas. I guess I’m just being paranoid. Glad to hear that this is kind of normal :)</p>
<p>dcnewcollegemom, pay no attention to her social media stuff (unless you are really worried that she’ll do something stupid or dangerous).</p>
<p>I think the first long trip home after freshman year is a big adjustment for kid and parent. New roles for sure, but how exactly does it work?</p>
<p>Good advice about the social media. I just don’t get the whole concept of why that generation is so hung up on it. As a middle aged person I can’t relate to why kids put all that stuff out there for the world to see. I guess I feel it’s a little insight into what’s going on in her head, since she doesn’t share a lot of touchy-feely things with me.</p>
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I have numerous friends who have had the same complaint when their college freshmen are home. My daughter is a bit older now but I remember the binge television viewing during breaks…on a certain level she still does that to decompress, though now it is via Netflix. </p>
<p>Life at school is vibrant and (at least initially) they view life at home as dull. D and I would go to coffee bars and the movies but often my response to the boredom complaint was along the lines of, “Really? There is laundry upstairs that needs to be done.” </p>
<p>It was really helpful when D got a summer job that carried over to a few shifts of work during holiday breaks. It killed two birds with one stone - less boredom and adding a bit of spending money to her depleted funds.</p>
<p>Now that DD is in med school she has done a turnaround and views coming home as a respite…our home is typically suburban but occasionally I will get a text asking if she can come to the “country house” for the weekend. ;)</p>
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I do not get it either. This is actually one of the sore points between DS and his new girlfriend (still a shaky relationship now.) She often spent 3-4 hours chatting online with several guys (potentially including her ex? otherwise it may not become such a hot button for DS as this may lead him to suspect he may be put into a rebound relationship only) online simultaneously, likely everyday. He’s so frustrated about this that he said "who am I in her eyes? A “play” thing (i.e., with little or no emotional attachment in this “relationship” - it is a pain for me to see him suffer by being treated like this.) because I happens to be around her? - They are on the same campus but from different states.) DS has grown out of this social media thing. He thinks even watching Netflix movies on computer is a more productive way to kill time. At one time in college, he even deleted his facebook account for some period because it is not a good to spend time there.</p>
<p>elleneast, DS is in the same situation. But he does not have the luxury of coming home to decompress so easily as we now live on the other coast. He did study during the last winter break (to start to prepare for the dreadful full-day test half a year later) but does not study much during this winter break. It is mostly for “decompressing himself” only.</p>
<p>We really wish we do not live so far away from DS’s school so he could come home more easily.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think they are a little be lost when then come home…out of their intense school routine and not sure how to function without anything on their “to do” list. I love NCIS, but after a few hours of watching S2 watching NCIS, I finally snapped. </p>
<p>I had a million errands to run, but didn’t want to deal with holiday parking. I asked him to be my chauffeur. It was a fabulous experience. I would get dropped off at the door, run in an get my groceries or whatever, text him that I was ready and he would pick me up at the door. The bonus was that I got little snippets of conversation!</p>
<p>I identify with viewing home as a respite. I don’t know that I communicated it well. </p>
<p>mcat - I can appreciate watching your kid in this situation. The ‘terms’ of the relationship are irrelevant. The fact that one party isn’t happy with the status quo means it’s not working. My S2 was in a similar situation a couple of years ago and it is very painful to watch them be unhappy. We knew when he hit his limit he’d either say something or break it off. He did both, but we were surprised how long it took. He leaned a lot about himself, what he’s comfortable with, and where his line is. The only advise I’d give is to support him emotionally (be there for the venting), remind him only he decides how long he allows someone to make him feel bad about himself, but stay silent on the girl. They want to vent but they care about her and don’t appreciate anyone else saying negative things. It’s a fine line to walk. Sending hugs, it’s hard to see our kids hurt.</p>
<p>Are there things you need done around the house? Cleaning out sock drawers or something? Pay her to work for you. It’s a win-win. She gets some extra spending cash; you get some chores done. I’m not being facetious–busy is better!</p>
<p>blueiguana, Thanks for the sound advice, esp. the part “they want to vent but they care about her and don’t appreciate anyone else saying negative things.”</p>
<p>I think it’s totally normal! I’ve been home for 1 1/2 weeks and have only hung out with friends once. The rest of the time I’m hanging out with my mother or literally doing nothing around the house. </p>
<p>At least for me, winter break is my only time to do absolutely nothing. I’m in school 8 months out of the year and then work my butt off during my 4 month “summer vacation” along with during my one week of spring break. So for three weeks I can be a lazy college students like everyone else. </p>
<p>Maybe she feels the same. :)</p>
<p>My hs friends were always trying to get me out on breaks but I was so tired I was sleeping from 9pm til noon, and when I was awake I just wanted to be home and see my family. I was busy 20+ hours a day every other week of the year, Christmas break didn’t hurt anybody.</p>
<p>The idea of asking your bored kid to help out is a good one. I suggest tasks that involve driving. Most young people like to drive. </p>
<p>But fundamentally, there’s not much you can do about the dullness of Winter Break. It’s a very boring time for many college students. If TV helps to alleviate that boredom, then that’s probably a good thing.</p>
<p>How about sending her to do the pre-holiday grocery run? That should mean a few hours at this busy time, and if she’s not an experienced shopper, even longer. My kids know I can’t bear Wegmans during the weeks before Thanksgiving and Christmas, so it’s a great gift to me when they’ll brave the crowds and the lines. I have to invest the time in writing out a detailed list, but it’s worth it if I can do that from the comfort of home.</p>