<p>For me, it would be an issue of thinking she was at one house over night, when she was somewhere else…which I had no clue about…</p>
<p>If she was gonna have sex, you don’t need all night (contrary to the movies)…my point is if she wanted to do it at the vacant house then go to the house that was the “cover” she could have…</p>
<p>For me, it would be not knowing where she was and her lying about that. And the boy ( I am assuming) lying to his parents about who was in his home…do you think they agreed to having a minor (if she is under 18) sleeping in their home when they weren’t there?</p>
<p>What kids do is turn it around, they are the dishonest ones, lying to you, and then blaming you if you find out.</p>
<p>Its not the sex, its the honesty, and lying about the whereabouts.</p>
<p>If nothing else, it sounds like you need to verify where your D is spending the night when she is claiming a sleepover, because she is lying</p>
<p>And this boy, well, to me, any guy who encourages a girl to lie to her parents and such, is not a good catch.</p>
<p>what do to now, not sure, but some conversations are in order, about safe sex (even though she says she wants to wait, obviously she is not so sure), and often, behavior that is not intercourse is just as physically dangerous- oral STDs, etc…many kids will do “everything but”, thinking well, if we can’t get pregnant, no worries</p>
<p>and you have found, sadly, your daughter and this guy are dishonest, and if they are dishonest about something as important as where she is sleeping, who really knows what is next, and it shows not great judgement </p>
<p>Another thought…to leave this message up on the computer…hmmm…maybe she is feeling pressure with this boy and doesn’t know how to approach you with it…or it was just an accident</p>
<p>You can approach it as
“okay, you are going off to college, and I know you know everything, but college is different then highschool, and as a mom, I want to share some insight, some tools, some coping mechanisms, etc… I know you have promised yourself you want to wait until marriage for sex, well, that is wonderful, but know that if you don’t, that’s okay. I don’t want you to think i will be all mad and stuff if you do have sex. I just want to make sure you are safe, emotionally and physically…”</p>
<p>At this point, you should have the parents over for dinner, not to talk about the “evening adventure” but to check them out, in a subtle way of coure</p>
<p>You will then see if they are “casual” parents of a boy “boys will be boys type” or parents who have taught their son to respect women, and to show the “kids” that you are paying attention</p>
<p>Again, its the saying she is something at 3 in the morning, and she ain’t there…</p>
<p>You dont’ have to go…WHERE WERE YOU???..but it may be time to renegotiate the rules…</p>
<p>Okay, dearest D, you are about to graduate, and this summer, will be a new thing for all of us, so lets get some ground rules down now about checking in, making plans, etc. You are a great D, and i am proud of you, aso this isn’t a lecture or anything, just a chance to say, well, you are off to college soon, and leaving home, but while you are here, lets make sure we are all on the same page, as adults, about what we expect from each other. For instance, obviouslly i don’t need to approve everything you do, but as a courtesy to your dad and me, you should let us know where you are going, about when you should be home, and iof you are spending the night at a girl friends house, you will give us the number. You dad tells me where he is gonna be, and calls if he is late, i do the same, its just courtesy, so please don’t think its because we don’t trust you (well…) its we call care about each other, and adults just keep in contact, etc…blah blah blah…"</p>
<p>I think all parents of kids should do that, maybe not that formally, but set up limits, boundaries, responisiblities, etc, so everyone is clear and comforatible… </p>
<p>Have Fun</p>
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