<p>I think 3 months for two adults that are supporting themselves is enough time to know if the relationship is a good one with the potential to be a long term one. I guess I would have invited him in the first place for the holidays if your DD seemed that serious about someone. Has she made good choices for boyfriends in the past? Have you liked them? If not, then maybe I would worry. If so, invite him for New Years!</p>
<p>There is no way my unmarried kids would spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with their significant other’s family, and I wouldn’t necessary want their SO with us either.</p>
<p>We don’t have any family only holidays. SOs are always welcome, and are usually always present-- it was considred quite odd that I never had a guest for our holidays until college since I didn’t date until then. Not saying doing it another way is wrong, but it would never have occurred to me that I would not be welcome and I would hope nobody would be offended if I were merely interested in coming. Particularly when you have to travel, there are limited opportunities to meet the family sometimes. BF came to Christmas last year when we had only been together for two or three months, and part of that was because we already knew by then we were planning on sticking around and the next opportunity to be introduced to family would not be for another year.</p>
<p>My D who lives in the UK brought her fiance home with her for the holidays and we are very happy to have him here. His parents were fine with it. They live within a half hour of London and get to see them whenever they want so were happy to give us the chance to see them together. My other Ds’ significant others (husbands, fiance, boyfriend) were also with us for Christmas day, as were numerous extended family and even three neighbors whose family lives far away. There’s never been a family only policy in our house.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why someone wouldn’t consider it “wonderful” that their daughter was in a happy, committed relationship, cpt.</p>
<p>I guess what I do find unusual is that the parents don’t seem to know much about this young man. I can’t imagine one of my Ds being in a three month serious relationship without us having already met the young man, let alone not know much about him. I agree with SteveMa, I would have invited him for a visit sometime over the holidays.</p>
<p>Two of our kids have SO’s and we managed to have them all here for Christmas Eve, part of Christmas Day and then they went to spend the rest of Christmas Day with their families. While I would have liked to have them here for the entire holiday, it would be pretty selfish to expect that so we adapted. Everyone survived and had fun.</p>
<p>“but it would never have occurred to me that I would not be welcome and I would hope nobody would be offended if I were merely interested in coming.”</p>
<p>This. I’m baffled by someone who would NEVER want a guest BF or GF at a holiday that celebrates all that is good about welcoming strangers and others to the table. ESPECIALLY if it’s a close relationship. </p>
<p>The good news about grown kids is that they’re free to make their own decisions about where to spend the holidays, unless mom or dad guilts them into HAVING to be at THEIR HOUSE and NOWHERE else, ever. That leads to H’s nephew’s situation-his fiance drives an hour each way, with their preschool daughter, no matter the time, for every.single.holiday. no matter where else they’ve been invited or how long they’ve been there. It’s simply not an option in her 30-year-old mind to NOT go to mommy and daddy’s every single time. This means they leave HIS relatives’ homes before dinner, or right after, or when they’d really rather go to bed, or the D is tired, or hungry, or full…</p>
<p>I would NEVER turn away a guest my kids asked to include. And I’d be pleased if another family thought they were important enough to invite.</p>
<p>I always want to be available to share in my kid’s happiness. I would not turn down an opportunity to do so.</p>
<p>At some point a SO may become a spouse, at which time the concept of a strictly “family” Christmas has to expand. If I thought my D was very, very serious about a young man, I wouldn’t necessarily insist that he not be part of our Christmas time together until the ring was on her finger. In fact, if my D wanted to spend Christmas with her SO and us, I guess I’d be relieved it was that way and not the other way around!</p>
<p>I think 3 months is way too soon for me to be getting involved in their dating situation. It’s not like they can just drop by our house on their way out to dinner or we can meet them at her apartment. We would have to fly half way across the country. That is reserved for a serious relationship, IMHO.</p>
<p>I’m sure he is a nice guy or she wouldn’t be dating him. I just hope she takes it slow. She dated someone last year that SHE would probably still be dating, except that he didn’t want a long-distance relationship.</p>
<p>Ah–Christmas!</p>
<p>[Zits</a> for 12/25/2012 | Zits | Comics | ArcaMax Publishing](<a href=“Zits | Comics | ArcaMax Publishing”>Zits | Comics | ArcaMax Publishing)</p>
<p>I think it depends on the circumstances. Dating three months in college is vastly different than dating for three months in the working world. I was dating for three months when I spent Thanksgiving at my then gf’s house. My job ( a residency) prevented me from going home for the holiday but we knew it was a serious relationship and I was welcomed…Granted we were older (25 y.o.) but my family understood and so did hers…We’ve now been married 25 years and I hope that if one of my sons wanted to spend the holidays at a SO’s,we would give our blessing.</p>
<p>For me, this kind of thing would open the “religion” part of the “hard stuff”. My first thought would be why isn’t he with his family at Christmas? If you can ask this question without being critical it might open some doors to learning about his family. By his being willing to come to your house, it shows he is willing to be part of your family’s celebrations and traditions.
I’ve always had an open door policy to my kids’ friends. I want to know who they like to spend time with.</p>
<p>Within a week of moving to a different coast after I graduated from college, I met someone and we began going out. We were engaged 6 weeks later. We have been married for 28.5 years now. Sometimes you just know.</p>
<p>I agree, jandjdad. Twenty-five is different than just graduated from college. A few years out in the working world gives you some perspective. She hasn’t had time yet to get that perspective.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s her decision. I just wanted some advice on how I could say something to her that isn’t negative, even though I have concerns about what seems like a moving-pretty-fast relationship.</p>
<p>S2 brought his GF home for Thanksgiving. He is with her family for Christmas and New Year’s, and will come spend a week with us before going back to school. They haven’t told us yet how serious it is, but they’ve known each other for 4 1/2 years and have had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half. </p>
<p>We do not exchange gifts or celebrate either holiday other than with a big meal, but this is the first time only one kid was here on Christmas. Last year was the first time only one was with us on Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I think it’s a good thing he wants to meet her family. I also agree that just asking your D to tell you about him will tell you a lot. The more receptive you are to listening, the more she will tell you. An occasional not, some noncommittal phrases, like “I see.” “How interesting.” may come in handy.</p>
<p>BTW–a trip by the boyfriend to stay at the parents’ house can help give “perspective” to everyone involved. </p>
<p>Being hesitant to meet the boyfriend may put her in a situation of beginning to have to make a choice–him or the family. It does not always turn out that the choice is the family.</p>
<p>Not all families celebrate Christmas the same way or even on the same day. My bf’s family is devoutly Catholic but they celebrate a few days after Christmas because that’s just what they’ve always done. They have an EXTREMELY large family and that’s the best way to get them all together. So, he and his brothers spend Christmas with their SOs and we SOs spend “family Christmas” with their family. </p>
<p>Go in with an open mind. Sometimes you just know. My parents were married within a few months of dating and 22ish years later, they’re still deeply in love. I talked to my mom this weekend about possibly getting quietly married to my bf before we head off to grad school next August and she admitted that she knew from the first time she met him that he and I were going to get married- and we had been together for a whopping one week at that point.</p>
<p>Too fast is all relative – I met my husband and we were engaged in less than six months. But we talked a lot, spent time with each other’s friends and families, etc. It seemed like the right time for us. Been married for 28 years this Saturday.</p>
<p>My sister dated a guy for three years, was engaged for another year. They were divorced within two years. She says that they married “too fast” and that they didn’t really know each other.</p>
<p>Go figure.</p>
<p>Interesting to me that it’s the young man who seemed to be the one lobbying for the holidays. Since it didn’t happen, I wonder if your D really didn’t feel the need to push it at this time.</p>
<p>
I don’t think I would be happy about this. I think my kids would have said no.</p>