<p>Five boys can’t seem to work anything out when it comes to household chores. To make matters worse, there is no dishwasher in their on-campus apartment. Son says dishes and trash are everywhere. In the beginning, they made up a schedule, but no one followed it. Part of the problem may be that some use the kitchen more than others. Son has taken to “hiding” the dishes he washes. I hate the thought of these boys ruining friendships over the kitchen. Any words of advice? Maybe money spent on a housekeeper would be money well spent. When H and I were in college, we lived in sorority/frat houses, with cooks and housekeepers. And neither of us has ever lived without a dishwasher.</p>
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will it be their money?</p>
<p>My first thought was a schedule, but I see they have already tried that.</p>
<p>Maybe each boy should wash his own dishes immediately after they are used…</p>
<p>Or you are right, perhaps they should just pay someone to come in and do it. Another college student to come in every couple of days, etc.</p>
<p>I would look into a housekeeper. The kids across the hall from our son’s apartment generated a lot of trash (tons of parties) and I saw a lady going in from time to time to clean the place. Our kids are sometimes sloppy in the apartment too and I often go in and do a quick cleaning.</p>
<p>The housekeeper is not a bad idea. We paid not all that much for a housekeeper for my son’s 8 bedroom shared house last year … I think about $15/week. For that she cleaned the kitchen(s) and 3 bathrooms and vacuumed the common room. Some parents sprang for more $$$ and had her do their son’s laundry also. Not a college student, but a local entrepreneur offering cleaning services.</p>
<p>I definitely second the housekeeper. Yes, the dishes and trash will pile up from week to the next, but at least once a week it will be clean. Well worth the money.</p>
<p>I get paper plates for them so no there is no need to wash anything.</p>
<p>Wow! Housekeepers in a three bedroom house get $130.00/visit around here…</p>
<p>I would not get a housekeeper. A housekeeper will not solve the problem, which is that they are not communicating and are all expecting “someone else” to pick up the slack when something needs doing. Also, I think it’s unfair to expect a housekeeper to work in a place where garbage is piled up. Don’t they usually tidy and vacuum rather than actually shoveling trash off the floor?</p>
<p>What they really need is a meeting to air grievances and resentments (“Why should I have to clean the kitchen one day a week when I barely use it?” “I’m not taking out the trash if X, Y, and Z are shirking it.”), discuss what they would LIKE the place to look like, come to a consensus, and start fresh.</p>
<p>Not a cheery solution, but I have to say, the first thing that came to mind was to secretly go buy a couple of mice or other rodents (yuck - I can’t even type the word) and let them loose in the kitchen.</p>
<p>That might get at least ONE of them to start cooperating!!!</p>
<p>Toledo, I just noticed this was your post…</p>
<p>Good luck with this! As someone who sweeps and swiffers my own kitchen floor daily and often more I would be appauled!!!</p>
<p>If you’re living in an affluent area with low unemployment, then it will be more expensive. If you’re living in a poor area with a lot of unemployment, then getting someone to clean the place will be easier. It might be possible to talk to the landlord about finding such a person.</p>
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<p>I think that working in daycare would be a far messier job but there are still large numbers of people that do it. The housekeeper could also require that they buy one or more trash barrels so that they at least have it a bit easier in throwing stuff away.</p>
<p>S lived with 3 guys last year - this year only one. The place still isn’t the cleanest apt. but it’s much better. No advice here - I just think there is a certain critical mass that is reached when so many guys live together. I’ve thought about the housekeeper but really -they can to do this. (Also
S likes fewer roomates, too. His room last year was the largest and the most used - Yuck!</p>
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<p>It would be great if they could do both of these. I believe they’ve tried, but will suggest another meeting. Son could see how they feel about splitting costs for a housekeeper, but it may get the same “You make more of a mess than I do”.</p>
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<p>Yes, this is an area with very high unemployment.</p>
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<p>This is the lesson I’m getting out of all of this.</p>
<p>My advice? Mommy stay out of it! That is why these boys have not learned how to clean up after themselves yet- mommy always did it. And if one cleans and the others don’t, he finds a way to deal with that- move, or negotiate, or live with it. Let them grow up!</p>
<p>A housekeeper is a lousy idea. These are five people who are trying to prove they are adults, let them figure out how to clean up their own messes, including the mess they are making of their friendship. Adults clean their houses no matter how busy they are. If they have so much work that they cannot clean the apartment or if they don’t know how or they are too lazy or they just don’t want to then they are not ready to live on their own in an apartment. Move back to the dorm.</p>
<p>Hiring a housekeeper will also teach them that they don’t have to clean up after themselves, they can always get someone else to do it. I pity the woman who marry these guys (except the OP son who DOES wash his dishes). It is our responsablity to teach our children to care for themselves. I feel particularly strongly that boys need to learn that cleaning the house is an adult thing to do. It is not Mom’s thing to do, it is not Dad’s, it is not their wives. Do your future daughter in-law a favor and make these boys learn to clean the house.</p>
<p>This is why guys get married. . .</p>
<p>Seriously, though. Paper plates? Ask landlord for a dishwasher? Pay for housekeeping–or pay one/two of the group to clean? Hire another student? Make a system of fines for those who don’t do their chores as scheduled and add it to their rent, deduct from the rent of the guys who do clean up? They have to get together and agree on something, but I have a very strong feeling that will never happen with 5 guys. . .</p>
<p>( I guess these guys don’t have girlfriends coming over? It seems they’d be more motivated to keep the trash/mess under control in that case–OR the girls might help clean up when they came over.)</p>
<p>Next year, if there is one, don’t live with those slobs again. Back to the dorms/dining halls.</p>
<p>Their problem, not yours. Their life learning experience. College is a whole lot more than academics. Moving back to the dorm for this year is usually not an option- leases and space available.</p>
<p>Friend’s son at Northwestern shared with similar number of total slobs one year- it’s not the caliber of the school that determines neatness. We moved son into his apt last year a few days after the first 3 guys did- what a mess. This was before classes started- lack of time not an excuse. Returned a week later with stuff and the mess was worse- 6 guys, the bunch of bananas there originally was still there and black (there had been banana sales just before move in date and I suspect some mother helped with shopping). They also learned that 6 is too many, despite 4 BR/2 baths there was limited space and refrigerator space. They did get along - I think the reason the neatnik’s job became dishwasher emptier was that noone else would bother to do it. And to think I worried that the potential roommates would have to put up with son’s mess- stuff all over the floor- in dorm and at home. I would like to see son’s current apt at Thanksgiving- he lives alone this year. He finally did find the jacket he had me looking for at home- I knew he had taken it.</p>
<p>Living with others was good for son’s first apartment, there were others to handle some things he was clueless about and everyone came with different life skills to fill in gaps. This year he knows about bill paying and a host of other household management skills he ignored at home but saw peers doing. Living alone this year is not lonely- he has friends very close to his place. I do not worry about his coping skills anymore, one less worry when he hits a new city/school for grad work next year.</p>
<p>Addenda- crossposted with above. YES- that is why guys get married. My 30+ year old future H’s house needed an organized woman in it. Fortunately he did have a cleaning service. I also remember a very sloppy house I visited as a child, the classmate’s family was much richer than we were- they had a cleaning lady come, but I learned then that cleaning people clean, they don’t tidy up messes. I also remember cleaning up messes the day before the cleaners came- it is not heir job to put things away, etc.</p>
<p>I don’t get why they don’t just clean up after themselves. If you used a dish, clean it. Rotate the vacuuming schedule and bathroom cleaning schedule so that each guy only has to do common-area duty once a month. Other than that - everybody is responsible for themselves. </p>
<p>This is why I am trying to discourage freshman DS from getting an apartment next year. He is good about vacuuming his dark blue dorm room carpet (wall-to-wall) because he can’t stand seeing all the “stuff” on it. Clean a bathroom? Forget it. I taught him how to do it before he went to college, but it was like pulling teeth. Cook for himself? He has the basics, but how is he going to get to the grocery store? (No car) The guy he wants to room with is a slob. Even though DS isn’t the neatest person on the planet, even he comments on how sloppy his friend is. Hmmm . . . methinks there could be trouble brewing if they get an apartment together. </p>
<p>I agree with the others who say let your DS sort it out. Just slap a smile in your voice and say, “I know you’ll figure this out, sweetie.”</p>
<p>^^You’re so right! S’s roomate has a girlfriend who really wants a more permanent arrangement with him. She does some kitchen cleaning, vacuuming, etc - even made pillows for the living room couch!! This is absolutely A-OK with my S - despite my explanation of the whole scenario…</p>