<p>It’s something that gets fixed with time or not at all.</p>
<p>The housekeeper is a great idea. Those that don’t understand this are probably female.</p>
<p>Hiring a housekeeper wouldn’t be that expensive between five people, but they should think carefully about what kind they want: a come in a few times a week and clean kind or a come every day and do the dishes kind. Because if its the former, it might deal with the trash issue, but there will still be dishes everywhere.</p>
<p>Hmmmm… my H was the neat one when we met. Still is. “We” pay for a housekeeper, but “we” have to straighten up before she comes. And “We” pay $130, and would never take advantage of her, or her situation. In fact, we’d love to be cutting back, but don’t like the idea of starting with folks like her. I know… off topic…</p>
<p>“The housekeeper is a great idea. Those that don’t understand this are probably female.”</p>
<p>I’m not sure I get this. I “get” that aside from my HUSBAND ( and maybe CPS ), there is little that could get me to attend to “house keeping”. What I’m not sure of is, what role a PARENT should play. My mom couldn’t pay for a housekeeper for herself. I wonder how it would have felt if she paid for one for me.</p>
<p>Well, I’m a neatnik too but that started after I got my own place and entertained a lot. I was your typical male slob before that. We went looking for apartments many years ago and I was appalled at how college students live in apartments.</p>
<p>Why doesn’t everybody just clean up after themselves when they are done rather than expecting anybody to take turns cleaning up after everybody? That’s how my parents house functions, and there are never any gross dishes to do our trash sitting out. I can’t believe you’d have them spend money on a housekeeper over having them each wash what they use as they use it. Don’t let it pile up and it doesn’t become a chore.</p>
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<p>If college kids are going to break laws buying alcohol and whatever else, what makes you think that they are going to follow rules setup by their parents remotely?</p>
<p>Let those boys grow up and learn to clean up themselves. As a poster above stated, it is time to step up to the plate, and take care of their own mess.</p>
<p>If there are some non-cooperative roommates, evict them, or negotiate some plan. </p>
<p>Please don’t infantilize these boys, for the sake of their future girlfriends, and wives. Certainly if they are old enough to serve in the military, they are old enough to resolve their messes.</p>
<p>And why weren’t they taught before leaving home how to clean up after themselves?</p>
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<p>They’re not infants. They’re just responding correctly to stimuli.</p>
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<p>One is forced. The other isn’t.</p>
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<p>They probably were. But they aren’t being forced to now.</p>
<p>I bet they know how. I bet it’s more a matter of prioritizing, having better/more fun things to do, lack of meaningful incentives/punishments, thinking it’s more overwhelming than it is, and letting it buildup until it IS overwhelming… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!</p>
<p>Infantilization is the process of encouraging their incompetance and inability to cope–such as hiring the maid.</p>
<p>Isn’t that the problem? Some boys are mature enough to serve their country and survive the rigors of the military, while others are whining over dirty dishes, with mommy rescuing them with a housekeeper?</p>
<p>Mature boys would respect each other enough to comply with the house rules. Selfish ones won’t. Who tolerated the selfishness up to age 18?</p>
<p>Have your son buy paper products for himself. Then he won’t be contributing to the piles of dishes. </p>
<p>Sounds like this is a group of boys that rarely (if ever) had to do regular chores IN their homes.</p>
<p>A housekeeper is going to charge at least $75 a week to clean the place. But, that won’t really solve anything since they don’t have a weeks supply of dishes. They’d run out of clean dishes a day after she cleaned.</p>
<p>They are 18. If they don’t like the mess they can clean it up. If they don’t like their roommates behavior they can call a meeting and have it out. If THEY want to hire a housekeeper they can find one, hire one, and pay for it out of their fun money. I would make it clear that I would not pay for someone to do what they can do themselves. I would also make it clear that I thought they were stupid and lazy and wasting their money.</p>
<p>Oh and by the way I am a woman, and I HATE to clean the house, but I do it (very,very reluctantly) AND if I had the money I would hire a housekeeper to clean MY house not theirs!</p>
<p>Have not read the thread yet, but when my DD was a HS senior she went through a phase of NEVER cleaning up after herself. I felt like she wanted me to pick a fight and I refused to rise to it, but also did not do her work. I would put her dirty dishes into a plastic small garbage bag, tie a knot and put it on her bed. My kitchen was then cleaned up, but I did not wash her dirty stuff. Could the clean ones enforce something like that?</p>
<p>Another DD had surgery and I stayed in her room with her for 7-10 days in a house she shared with 19 girls. They were total pigs and I constantly did dishes and cleaned up the kitchen because I could not stand it. DD hated the mess too. They each had a cupboard for their own dishes so mostly no one used your dishes, but it was tough to wash dishes when the sink was constantly overflowing. Every so often DD just cleaned up and "ragged’ on every one!</p>
<p>Sophomore year DS lived with another guy who was a slob. Left dirty dishes all the time…
Favorite was when he actually clogged the toilet and left for the weekend. DS had to go buy a plunger and fix it himself.<br>
This year he is in a studio apartment by himself. The living alone has some drawbacks but he seems to like it.<br>
My sibling lives in a college town and was hired by an out of town landlord to keep an eye on a place she rents to a bunch of boys. Last time she was there she had to explain to them about checking the heater for oil and how to call for an oil delivery…Geeze.
I also wouldn’t go with the housekeeper idea. She will do dishes once a week and they will still pile up.
Your son has the right idea, he should wash dishes he uses and then store them in his room so that he will have clean dishes when he wants them. I would go ahead and take the trash out every day myself (and I do in my house) because I like it out and don’t like critters.
In our house the deal seems to be the one with the least tolerance does the most work…if your son has the least tolerance for mess he will end up doing more. Just the way it is.</p>
<p>cross posted with somemom…love the idea about bagging the dirty dishes…</p>
<p>The bagging dirty dishes made me laugh. I could just picture them piling up on her bed until finally she did them. ;)</p>
<p>In this situation, though, I would suggest communication above all else. You don’t want a war with roomies “picking sides” because this or that roommate gets offended by something and doesn’t back down.</p>
<p>Ultimately, I agree with the posters who have said this is not your problem and to let the son resolve it. Just be a shoulder to lean on.</p>
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<p>You cannot stop it; even if the kitchen situation is resolved with a housekeeper, someone will eventually be disrespectful or step on toes in another way. (“He broke my PlayStation game and wouldn’t replace it; he ate the food I specifically bought for MYSELF; I missed an important call because he wouldn’t answer the phone; he spilled cola all over my coat.”) That’s why communication skills are so important, because with five people some conflict is inevitable and you need a way to diffuse and solve them that doesn’t involve people screaming at each other or sulking.</p>
<p>If nothing else, this experience will teach your son the value of screening roommates before living with them and not trusting that everyone will be good roommates just because they’re friends.</p>
<p>How about a hybrid arrangement? Either you fulfill your scheduled cleaning commitment, or you ante up for a housecleaner. Apartment cleaner. Whatever. 
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<p>toledo, you say that not everyone uses the kitchen the same amount. Are the ones who are using the kitchen the most the ones who are not cleaning up? And, is it only the kitchen that’s a problem? How about cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming common areas, and so forth? </p>
<p>Not having a dishwasher isn’t the issue. If there WERE a dishwasher, then everyone would put in their dirty dishes. The dishwasher would be run. Then no one would empty the dishwasher. People would take out dishes as needed, then leave them, dirty, on the counter since the dishwasher was still full of clean dishes. Then mom or dad yells at the kids to clear the dishwasher…whoops, your son doesn’t have that crucial step in the process :)</p>
<p>Most of my undergrad years were spent in a house with 11 people. It was co-ed, with male and female slobs AND male and female neatniks. There were weekly house meetings, a weekly chore chart (cleaning, grocery shopping, weekly menus, and so on), and everyone cooked dinner for the group at least one night a week. This included washing up afterwards. Probably too regimented for your son’s crew, but something like this CAN work. Equally hated chores were rotated, otherwise people got to sign up for doing what they liked best. </p>
<p>I’d be mildly concerned about getting back the cleaning deposit at the end of the year. This might lead to some of the guys being the ones to do all the end of year scouring and cleaning, while the others just get their deposit back without putting in any work.</p>
<p>Wow, I thought someone was writing about my house! I have the same problem and my oldest are edging to the mid twenties. </p>
<p>I stayed out of their housing arrangements at college. I did buy paper products for one son when I saw the state of his kitchen that he shared with 4 other guys.</p>
<p>The Boys, oughta get a female to run the house. Rent free of course.
The Female, then should start over by kicking all the boys, out.</p>
<p>"> That’s how my parents house functions</p>
<p>If college kids are going to break laws buying alcohol and whatever else, what makes you think that they are going to follow rules setup by their parents remotely?"</p>
<p>You completely missed the point. I only mentioned my parent’s house to say that it is not an unreasonable way to do things, that’s how we have ALWAYS done it. If they decided to do it that way THEMSELVES then they would only be responsible for themselves, which sounds much more appealing than washing my roommates three day old dishes because it’s “my turn.”</p>