<p>At my Episcopalian father’s graveside service, the priest picked up a handful of dirt and rubbed it on the outside of the casket, while saying “ashes to ashes, dust to dust”. It was very powerful and moving. Since I’m half Jewish, I appreciated the gesture it all the more.</p>
<p>Funeral homes can turn away “customers”. Remember how hard it was for the Boston bomber to find a place to agree to bury him?</p>
<p>Pizzagirl,</p>
<p>I believe there are no open caskets at Jewish funerals. This is done out of respect to the deceased, so that we can honor them without thinking how their body appears.</p>
<p>So, presumably the funeral homes can make a case why they would not allow open casket in this situation, citing their religious beliefs. The family should understand without getting litigious. After all they, too, have their own religious beliefs.</p>
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<p>I might be able to rival you on that one. I’ll bet my older relatives did that and I may either not have been at the funeral or they did it as the casket was closed before everyone entered the church. </p>
<p>When my D’s baby sitter died, I went to the funeral and the casket was open the entire time. Everyone lined up and went by and kissed her or touched her hand or put something into the casket. Out of respect to them, I walked by the casket and paused. The funeral went on for hours with people singing, speaking, dancing. Two women passed out while I was there. I left after two hours and was the first to leave but I really really had to be someplace and didn’t know that I had to block off the entire day for the funeral.</p>
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<p>I’m Jewish and this is a tradition that bothers me a great deal. There’s something about the sound of the dirt hitting the casket that is unsettling for me. I probably get it from my mother who still talks about the nightmares about that sound she had for months after her father was buried. When my dad died, we did not do it. </p>
<p>I think, within limits, we should all have the funeral we, and our survivors, want. My dad left fairly explicit instructions about his funeral. We followed some but ignored others (for example, he wanted flowers on his coffin which is not Jewish tradition, but we did it; he didn’t want us to sit shiva, but we did it anyway.)</p>
<p>I find the shoveling of dirt to be very moving and emotionally cathartic… In my family we also have the tradition of doing it in order of oldest of my generation down to the youngest of next generation (after immediate family.)</p>
<p>I actually appreciate the custom of shoveling dirt on the grave precisely because it is so visceral. There’s something very powerful to me about the idea of “burying your own.” The Jewish practice that is ghoulish to me is the somewhat less widely observed requirement that someone (not a family member or friend of the deceased) sit with the body the night before burial - but all the same, while my mother and uncle weren’t sold on it, I was pretty insistent that we arrange for someone to do this when my grandparents died. Yes, I know that a body is just a body, and I appreciate that Jewish custom is to bury very quickly, but in the interim I don’t want to treat that body, that so recently held someone I loved, as meat on a slab. Not rational, maybe, but that’s how I felt, and I think that’s what motivates the practice.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I find the idea of a wake unimaginable. I’ve never looked at a dead body, and hope to G-d I don’t have to for many, many years to come. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the concept; it just isn’t my culture. Although, come to think of it, my mother was recently at a wake for a friend’s sister at a black church (not sure of the denomination), and she told me people were dancing in the aisles and genuinely treating it as a celebration of the deceased woman’s life and “transition.” She found it bizarre, but also very meaningful.</p>
<p>Back to Jahi for a moment - </p>
<p>The latest if being tossed around is that they are in LA. Omari posted a request for a Los Angeles area physician yesterday. (And that would make some sense since they were last seen on CNN and HLN which has LA studios.) Dolan is back to PI tweets about motorcycle law and the family social media has gone quiet. I won’t get into rumors.</p>
<p>Carry on</p>
<p>Dolan will move on to his next case and the family will still be stuck with the inevitable, which is that Jahi’s heart will stop and they will have to bury her, which is what should have happened weeks ago.</p>
<p>Being raised Catholic, I’ve seen a few bodies at viewings and funerals. I have to say my Aunt G looked really good, but then she was always a happy person. My neighbor’s H was a bit scary and I remember being glad I didn’t bring my daughter along. My grandmother died when I was 10 or so and it was sad, but not scary. The wake afterwards turned into quite a party.</p>
<p>I also know some people who have cared for their own at death. I believe this is legal in all states. The bodies were not embalmed, but had dry ice put under them and they were kept in the house for three days during which someone always sat with them. There were sign up sheets and I couldn’t find a space to come in for one friend who died tragically young! It was a very social event and felt like a comforting transition although I’m not sure I could handle it in my own home.</p>
<p>One more thing - There was a question earlier about family nurses. There are 2. Grandmother and aunt. Interestingly, aunt worked (past tense) at a hospital in a small city where we have friends. She is RN.</p>
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<p>This is a moral intuition that a lot of us have. It seems to be built in.</p>
<p>Sevmom, nail:head</p>
<p>I hope they come to closure soon.</p>
<p>Sky burials by the Tibetan Buddhists has the body dissected, smashed and left to the buzzards. (recycling) Seems to fit with aspects of Buddhism.</p>
<p>You probably thought things couldn’t get more gruesome:</p>
<p>Oh, goodness… Soon we are going to hear about her opening her eyes and talking - but no photos or videos due to “family privacy issues”.</p>
<p>Yup. Either that or a death announcement, media tour, and then silence until the lawsuits commence.</p>
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<p>If that were to happen, all hell would surely break loose. I couldn’t imagine a more chaos producing event right now.</p>
<p>What would be the reaction of a medical licensing board to a physician who performed these operations on a long-dead body? Theoretically speaking, would they lose their license? Be put on suspension? Nothing? Does a complaint have to be officially filed for them to do something about it?</p>
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<p>Walk on water, maybe?</p>