<p>Your son and his GF could try an ‘open’ dating relationship, where they date other people but see each other if they want to when he is home. It sounds like they have progressed to sleeping together, whether you approve or not. Which does complicate things for them, but some couples do succeed with this approach as long as they are open with everyone (new people they are dating as well as each other). Not sure if you want to propose this, but it is an option.</p>
<p>Am I the only one feeling sorry for the GF? Poor thing, she probably feels he is leaving her behind for bigger and better things-which he may well be doing, understandably.</p>
<p>I agree that you probably haven’t seen the last of the GF. I wouldn’t take any of it very seriously at this juncture as much can change over the years.</p>
<p>My D and her serious high school boyfriend are “single” at their colleges (which are 1500 miles apart) and “together” when home on breaks. I’m skeptical of how this is actually going to work, particularly with Facebook, which has caused hurt feelings in spite of their agreement. I really try to stay out of it.</p>
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<p>No, you aren’t. After all, apparently HE was apparently the one who chose to break up.</p>
<p>Nope, I feel for her too. Judging off what’s posted here, she probably feels betrayed and sucker punched.</p>
<p>I agree with others who say there may be more to the story than you know–and maybe more than he can articulate.</p>
<p>I’m glad to hear that your true concern is your son’s happiness and not that he rethink this decision. That’s what I took from you asking him if he is sure he’s not going to regret this - to me it implied that you had strong feelings about it yourself. </p>
<p>I’m curious to know if the GF was there throughout your entire New Year’s eve speech, including the part about financial support being linked to rules. You say she was stomping around, rolling her eyes etc. Putting aside whether it was appropriate to get into all that in front of her, it was unbelievably disrespectful on her part to behave that way.</p>
<p>If that’s the case, I wonder if she was upset enough with you to have said some negative things about you to your son afterwards. He could have been thinking -I’m the only one that gets to treat my mom that way!</p>
<p>Betrayed and sucker punched. That happened to my S whose GF was a year older and a college freshman.
He was totally clueless about her new life in college. She broke up just before Christmas. I was proud of how he picked himself up (with the help of his friends) and went on to enjoy the rest if his senior year in HS.</p>
<p>He dumped her. Ouch. He is not the innocent soul here. Don’t get involved. Even saying the word regret is not good. Any judgement from you will backfire.</p>
<p>I have many friends with sons who were the dumper or dumpee. Sobbing? Eh not so much. Sure some cried, but it didn’t last long. Even with long term relationships. Maybe it’s a generational thing, but after talking to my mom friends, this crying alot wasn’t the norm.</p>
<p>Oh and prom? She’s in highschool and he is a freshman? Hmmmm adds another twist.</p>
<p>I have 2 adult girls. I have perfected the “break up talk” to my girls. Last Fri, I was given an A for the talk again. With my kids, they like to (and need to) dump on me when they are breaking up, but as soon as they start feeling better then I am being intrusive for asking.</p>
<p>I agree with other posters that this will go back and forth for a while. My only advice is trying not to bad mouth the girl because they may end up back together again and he may tell her what you said about her. D1 told her boyfriend (or ex) about what I said about him when she cried on my shoulder. Good thing I only said nice things. I left out the bad stuff because I figured she knew what they were already.</p>
<p>Seahorserock - Not an innocent soul? The young man is 18 years old, he’s not married, and from what we know he didn’t cheat or knowingly mislead the young woman. Sorry , “I don’t know, I’m having second thoughts” is really all the justification he needs at his age.</p>
<p>Jrcsmom - ((Hugs)) to you. It is hard to have your S so far away. I think it is great that he can and does talk to you. I would simply acknowledge his feelings without offering advice. Like MomofWildChild, I’ve learned that the hard way. I have told myself (more than once) not to become too attached to D’s boyfriends. Okay, I’m currently failing at this… but I had done quite well for about six years. I also tell my kids that no matter what we will always be there to support and love you. BTW, S tells us almost nothing. We have to get the info from D.</p>
<p>What I meant by innocent was that he dumped her. Meaning he had control of the situation and he made the move. Should have said victim. This was his call, and I think probably a good one. He is dating a high schooler and she is talking about prom. </p>
<p>And he dropped her because they couldn’t be together all the time? He made a decision and I can’t tell if it was really mature or childish. As if being apart was so hard he couldn’t handle it or that it was better to let go.</p>
<p>Either way mom needs to let him deal. Not the worst thing in the world. He took control because he had no control.</p>
<p>I’m sure it’s all for the best. Why would they want to get tied down at their age? They are just kids! There’s a whole world to explore. If they are smart, IMHO, they’ll move on quickly and start enjoying life without all the BF/GF drama. Especially the one in college. And the other one will be there soon enough. It’s not a divorce, just a high school break-up. Take it from one who took that stuff way too seriously at the time.</p>
<p>@roshke </p>
<p>The majority of the New Year’s Eve talk took place away from S’s GF, she was waiting outside in the car believing he was just coming in to grab his stuff and I told him in the forementioned manner that there was no way he was leaving. She only heard that I was interfering with their ‘slumber party’ plans. In all honesty, I believe they intended for it to be an innocent night and that he did plan on sleeping on their couch, but I wanted to stop it before it became a habit and knew that if it became a habit that it might not stay innocent. I think they were mad at me for numerous reasons - changing their plans, appearing as though I didn’t trust them,… but it wasn’t the first time I ever made my son mad and I’m pretty certain it won’t be the last :)</p>
<p>I definitely feel for my S’s GF or I guess I should say ex-GF (as they have both now change their FB relationship status, so ‘we’ know it’s true :)). Although I understand that my S just didn’t know how to cope with a long distance relationship any longer, she was still trying to make it work and I’m sure did feel completely blindsided by what happened. I’ve thought of getting in touch with her to take her to dinner or sit down and talk and let her know that I feel bad for her too, but with the emotions so high right now, I figure I’ll wait a little while.</p>
<p>In another update I learned that my S’s step-mom feels bad for his GF too, so bad in fact that today she spoke to his GFs mom and the two of them talked and decided on the best path forward for the couple. They mutually decided that the my S and his GF didn’t really break up, but they are just taking some time off right now and that they’re going to think about how they’re really feeling and then when he comes home for spring break that the ‘kids’ are going to sit down and talk and re-evaluate things. I’m pretty sure that my S, who will be about a month away from 19 at the time, didn’t even know about the conversation, so he may be surprised when he’s directed to sit down and re-evaluate a relationship he’s put in the past at that point. Maybe they will get back together…maybe they will go their separate ways, but either way won’t be because of adults trying to intervene.</p>
<p>WOW!!! I freely admit that I’m not a fan of my ex and or his W. But unless your S lives with his dad and step mom and only visits with you–and it sure doesn’t sound like it–I think the step-mom was WAY out of line.</p>
<p>Even IF he lives with her, that was incredibly out of line. Don’t take the girl out to eat. If you were really close to her, maybe let her know that you hope she’s ok. My ex fiance’s mom sent me a Facebook message after our break up that was quite touching, but we had been together for five years. If she had contacted my mom about us that would have been incredibly inappropriate. Let them handle their relationships.</p>
<p>My ex-fiance’s mom was furious at him! She took me out to lunch and told me so. I visited her many years later - she got to meet my two-year-old daughter. She said, “You haven’t changed at all!” Bless her. I think I was more upset at losing her than my ex! That was 30 years ago exactly. My son was born on my 30th birthday, so it’s funny to think that he’s the age I was when I went through that trauma. He’s never even had a girlfriend!</p>
<p>I agree, romani. I just think it’s worse if the boy doesn’t live with his step-mom.</p>
<p>I think she’s really doing a disservice to the young lady…and so is her mom. First is the point you make: let them handle their own relationships. Second, if the girl isn’t ready to accept the idea that it’s over, having the “helpful” step-mom call and tell her mother it isn’t won’t help. Sounds to me as if the concern may be the prom.</p>
<p>I think it’s wrong for anyone in your family to meet with the ex-GF behind your son’s back. It’s your son’s break up, not yours, the father’s or the step-mother’s Anything else is leading the girl on, an attempt to interfere, or making yourselves an inappropriate part of the relationship. </p>
<p>Also, just curious if there is anything in your family’s cultural or religious background that would help explain the bold, heavy handed plans for the father and step-mother to meet the mother of the GF in order to determine “the best path forward for this couple”! That sounds like something out of the history books, not the 21st century!</p>