<p>My youngest son broke off with his gf of three years. She wants to move forward as in get engaged and move in together, he is not ready. It makes me so sad. I’m really hurt for her and I’m sympathetic for him having to make such a decision. He’s very sensitive to others’ feelings so I know it was tough. That said, I could hear a bit of relief in his voice. Sad. I hate this.<br>
They are only 25, soon to be 26. They have time. And time will tell him whether his decision is right or wrong.</p>
<p>I feel your pain.
They both sound like good people.</p>
<p>We still miss our DS girl that he brought into our family for two years.
I’ve never heard the exact story but I’d bet it was along the lines of differing needs and wants. </p>
<p>Wish your son the best. It is so hard to watch your son be sad, isn’t it?</p>
<p>It must be hard to think of her being sad, too. You liked her. I think males and females in their mid-20s are often in a different place, in terms of being ready for marriage, maybe parenthood, and all that goes along with it. The relief in his voice is actually a good, important sign. Marriage is far too big of a thing to just suck it up and be a good sport about it. Entered on that basis, it’s hard to see how it could be happy. Or lasting.</p>
<p>They may find their way back to each other, if a phase of being apart changes their perspectives on who and what they need, and when.</p>
<p>I applaud young people who have the backbone to say “I love you, but I’m not ready” or “I’m not certain that this will really be best for both of us forever”. I also applaud young people (most often, females) who can say “I love you, but I do have a certain kind of life that I’m hoping to build, and if you really can’t or won’t be the one to build it with me, then I can’t just sit here”.</p>
<p>I’m sure this is hard on the moms!</p>
<p>Musicmom, yes it is difficult to watch. Thank you for your understanding.</p>
<p>Fieldsports, yes to all you say. He aims to get his Master’s degree, wants to travel a lot, etc. Secondly, it’s better to recognize it while only “going together” rather than end up in a divorce after going ahead with unsure feelings on wedding day.</p>
<p>I’ve been in the girlfriend’s position, spending multiple years with someone who was unable/unwilling to commit, so my sympathy goes more to her. He may decide at some point he made the wrong decision, but she may have moved on by then. Life is complicated.</p>
<p>I agree with mamabear. A three year committed relationship in the mid-20s should naturally be at a position to, at minimum in my opinion, move in together if not get engaged. If one of them isn’t ready at that point, then it’s probably wise to move on.</p>
<p>It’s this generation. Twenty-five should feel old enough but it does for very few guys. I’ve seen young women at my work go through this and it’s sad to watch. Holidays come and go with dreams of proposals which don’t come. Thirty seems to be the fish or cut bait age. But no one should feel forced into marriage. Maybe it would be better for women in their 20s to date men in their 30s from the start.</p>
<p>Good point electron blue. I ended up marrying someone 8 years older than I, who was more interested in marriage.</p>
<p>hugs to you bluebird! (((<3))) (love your user name) I think a child’s hurt is usually worse than our own. Things usually work out the way they are supposed to.</p>
<p>My sympathies. Break ups are hard, esp. when both parties are good people and obviously care for each other.</p>
<p>If he thought she was his potential life partner, he wouldn’t have let her get away, so it was probably the right decision for both of them.</p>
<p>Good point electron blue. I ended up marrying someone 8 years older than I, who was more interested in marriage. >>>>></p>
<p>So did I. Now…in the later years, I worry about him being that much older than I! But I would not trade one minute with him.</p>
<p>hugs to you bluebird! (((<3))) (love your user name) </p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Thank you! I LOVE bluebirds.</p>
<p>Probably true, oldfort. My older son and his girlfriend broke up briefly but did get back together. They have dated for over 2 and half years. We like her and her family seems to like him. He is almost 26 and she is a year older. I think part of the reason for the breakup was his lack of being able to make a marriage commitment. I have had a talk with him about the unfairness of stringing someone along . She is a nice person. Not sure where this will end up but things seem more serious all the time. He does talk about future travels to Asia or Europe with her before he settles down, etc. It does seem that young women tend to be readier sooner than most guys to commit.</p>
<p>just b/c you don’t want to get married right away doesn’t mean you are “stringing someone along” and just b/c 2 people aren’t married doesn’t mean they aren’t committed.</p>
<p>if one person only wants to get married right away, perhaps they are the one that should leave the relationship (of course, then they get further away from marriage)</p>
<p>
This made me chuckle. What happens to the other person? Is he/she still in the relationship when the other person leaves?</p>
<p>soccerguy, I understand what you are saying about the term “stringing someone along.” I agree you can be committed and not necessarily have marriage in the near future. However, I do think there is a small percentage of people who can and do go have relationships that go on too long, where one party is clearly never going to commit in the way the other one wants /needs. Think George Clooney.</p>
<p>Ahhh, yes, let’s DO think about George Clooney! :)</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s stringing anyone along to be in a multiyear relationship in your mid twenties and not be ready for marriage. If everyone if up front about their needs then they can either decide “yes, this also works for me right now” or “no, I need a greater commitment moving towards marriage”. Neither person is wrong unless they know the other person wants something different, they willingly stay, and then resents them because they are not getting what they need. Mid twenties is on the earlier side to making lifelong commitments (engagements, marriage) when one party still has grad school on the horizon, is not settled professionally, etc. How long someone has dated has no bearing on this. </p>
<p>We do hurt when our kids hurt, that’s nature and has nothing to do with age, or right and wrong. I do think it’s not so nice to post on someone’s thread who is asking for comfort in her sons long term break up and state you feel sorry for the girl. This insinuates that the son did something wrong or hurtful to mislead her. He obviously cared for her a great deal and it was very difficult when placed an ultimatum to choose what was right for him. Mid twenties…not mid thirties. They are barely out of college.</p>